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female
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anonymous
writes: Hello, this may seem like a bit of a stupid question but I am having serious jealousy (and other) issues with my boyfriends past. He has a 7 year old daughter from a previous relationship with a women he claimed tricked him into having the baby just to keep him. He took cocaine for 2-3 years + other drugs and really screwed up his finacial situation. When the two of them broke up he went through serious depression as she wouldnt let him see his daughter, but mangaged to gain weekend access through the court. His ex girlfriend has 4 children by 4 differnt men (his daughter is number 2). He says he never loved her, but sometimes I feel he isnt being completly honest with me, he says he loves me for all I have done for him (i.e. getting him of the drugs completly, sorting out his finacial situation etc), but I just cant get past his past! He claims they only got together because he was heavily on drugs the whole time and this is the first serious relationship he's ever been in, I want to beleive him but my stupid emotions keep getting in the way. Its too much, before he met me he would sleep with women left, right and centre and has had over 55 sexual partners. He has been completly honest with me (although he didnt really have a choice as we work together and I sort of knew half the story). I feel like im falling apart, the harder I try to cope with this, the more difficult it becomes. Im 21 and he's 27. His daughter isnt a problem, shes a lovely girl, its just everything else! Please help me, I feel like I cannot cope anymore!Blaise
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female
reader, xxxsoulsistaxxx  +, writes (19 January 2006):
 I am in a similar situation to you and also have wondered whether staying in the relationship is for the best. My boyfriend is also 27, I am 18 and he has slept with over 100 girls. I always have to see them when we go out and it kills me. I understand where you're coming from, knowing the man you love has something as special as a child with someone else must be hard. My bf hasn't got any children (that he knows of!!!) but it would kill me even more if he did. As for the drugs, he's done so well to get off them and I think he deserves a second chance for that.
Everyone has a past and some of us just aren't happy enough with ourselves to be able to cope with our partners' rather colourful pasts. I think insecurity plays a big part in what you're going through, I definitely think that's my problem. I can't bear the thought of him loving another woman the way he loves me and sharing the intimate things we do with someone else but that's something I have to deal with and you do too, if you want this relationship to be a success. He's obviously sorted his life out, thanks to you, and he does owe you a lot for that. Everyone deserves a second chance and if you're sure he wants to move on and make a good life with you, then don't let that chance go because of the past and other people.
Good luck
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