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She's cut down on the sex - what can I do?

Tagged as: Sex, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (4 November 2008) 2 Answers - (Newest, 4 November 2008)
A male United States age 41-50, anonymous writes:

My female partner of nearly two years (shes 26, im 28) has gradually been cutting sexual activity out of our relationship. At first (three months or so) we would make love once, twice a day. Yeah the normal honeymoon period stuff. She was very promiscuous before we got together.

After about 6 months things had dropped off to maybe once a week. I talked with her and found that she had found more value in her self with our relationship, and with this she believed she was betraying god by having sex outside of marriage. Over the next 8 months, things have dropped off even more, despite communication on the subject and agreements being reached. We have got to the state where she will flirt (read: touching, deep kissing, verbal etc) with me on the nights she is to stay over, then when we retreat to bed, strips off, cuddles up to me and says goodnight. If we talk about this and i say i felt lead on, she apologizes and says that was not her intention.

Now she is feeling guilty that she leads me on, so is staying over less and less, i think we have made love once in the last month. And even then, i feel she only did it to please me. not good.

I have offered to propose, but she does not seem to want this yet. Im very confused. I feel she is faithful, so dont believe she is getting anything elsewhere, but im just feeling confused and hurt at the lead on, at cutting an important aspect out of our relationship and just expecting me to deal with it.

help!

View related questions: flirt, kissing, period

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2008):

Yes it's because now she want's to wait for marriage, I have no ideal why but it sounds like it. And you offering to propose? That isn't going to cut it

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A female reader, Emilysanswers United Kingdom +, writes (4 November 2008):

Oh dear. Well it seems you've been a brilliant boyfriend for her. You've boosted her self esteem and she's found faith through that.

Unfortunately this means she now wants to save herself for marriage.

And she doesn't want you to propose because she thinks you are doing it purely to get sex and not because you want to spend the rest of your life with her.

I think unless you really do love this girl enough to wait for marriage then you have to just accept that this is not the relationship for you.

If you want a girlfriend to have sex with then you are going to have to look elsewhere and respect this girls beliefs.

But hey, you have some major good Karma coming to you from this because it looks like you've helped her turn her life around.

Good Luck!! xx

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