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She's 16 but lied and told me she was 18 and now I have feelings for her!

Tagged as: Age differences, Dating<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (23 September 2010) 9 Answers - (Newest, 12 October 2010)
A male United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

11 months ago i met a girl. At the time she told me she was 18. Months later the truth came out that she was 16. i am 22 years old.

It wasnt hard to believe that she was older than her real age. Her friends are all around my age. Her Ex bf is a month younger than myself. She was home schooled which made it seem as if she was out of highschool.

By the time i found out she was 16 i have developed strong feelings for this girl. Ive never been sexual with her because i wasn't looking for that. Now that i know her real age i just cant imagine being sexual at all with her anytime soon. But i truly deeply care about this girl. I encourage her to better herself, She didnt have the best group of friends and ive helped her move passed them and progress in her studies.

The truth is that i am in love with this girl. Ive tried to end it because the age thing has just bothered me but i cant seem to get her off my mind. It doesnt help that she feels the same way.

Should i give this a chance?

Or

Should i move on? Id really hate to break her heart. and as much as i tried to fight every step of the way of ending it with her. I could never get over her.

View related questions: her ex, move on

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A female reader, sweetlove United States +, writes (12 October 2010):

sweetlove agony auntI can sort of relate to this, When i was 14 I went to a trasition school, I was only in the 8th grade but I was joind with High Schoolers at this school, I met a guy who was a senior, he was 19 but he looked so amazing to me. Well i decided to lie and say i was 15 about to be 16 in april, and he believed me! We went out for four months had sex and everything and my 15th birthday arrived and i decided i couldnt lie anymore, i told him i had just turned 15 and not 16. he was so mad! But then after a year went bye he was 20 going to be 21 now and i was still just 16 he wanted me bad, but i told him if you couldnt except me then, why now. He really hurt me when he turned me down bc i was just as mature as older girls if not more.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (23 September 2010):

My wifes cousin got 6 years in prison because a girl lied about her age so you better be very careful.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (23 September 2010):

if you really love her and if she loves you then age is not matter,age is just a number even i lied to my boyfriend about my real age i am 16 and he is 24 he loves me. he gave me another chance...i really love him and i promised not to lie again we dont have any sexual relationship we respect each other...give her a chance if you still love her...my mom married to my dad when she was 20 and he was 32 they are enjoying their life and living happy...so dont think about age,love is important not your age :)

Thanks.

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland +, writes (23 September 2010):

aunt honesty agony auntIf you really love this girl and its not sexual then everyone deserves a second chance, possibly she just lied to you knowing that she was only young. You need to be able to trust her though. But age is only a number so if you'se love each other then give it a go, but dont have a sexual relationship of any sort until she is over the legal age. Good luck

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A female reader, angelicus United Kingdom +, writes (23 September 2010):

angelicus agony aunt

Hi Difficult to let go of someone when feelings have developed into deep ones! Firstly though put brain into gear and really check that she is 16. 6 years, a few more years down the line. won't matter so much, however you need to check why she lied to you.

She is hardly likely to be snapped up for marriage within the next few years . so hold back a bit.

My sister met someone when she was 16 and he was 20, he was keen on her but she felt not ready for commitment, then 10 years on she bumped into him again but let him slip away and has sort of regretted it. So a yo yo situation could develop. Just be careful over the next 2 years it is not a long time to wait - then things will sort out if you are patient enough.

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A male reader, CaringGuy United Kingdom +, writes (23 September 2010):

Are you sure she's 16? You don't want to find out that's a lie too. And if she's willing to lie about her age, what else will she lie about? I'm not sure she's trustworthy enough for you to be able to continue with her.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (23 September 2010):

In most Western countries, you'd be all good to develop this relationship.

But you are in the US. And the law is the law. So find out exactly what age of consent laws are, and your standing in regards to this matter in your State.

If indeed the law forbids you, then you will have to step back from this and be the adult you are supposed to be acting like.

Sometimes we must all make sacrifices to do the right thing.

Flynn 24

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A male reader, Kenj United Kingdom +, writes (23 September 2010):

Kenj agony auntI would say give it a chance the age difference is not too bad, however her parents may start being funny with you so be prepared for that.

Its not good she lied to you and there could be some trust issues further away so look out for that too.

If you love her and she loves you then go for it.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (23 September 2010):

Hey there,

first off, a bit of a trust issue with her lying about her age there. But i can see how harmless she may have thought it would be at the start.

I wouldnt end a relationship personally because of an age barrier. Especially since its realistically not that much, although i do realise that its a difficult situation at the moment with her being underage but there is no harm in taking the relationship slow you sound like you have good intentions.

I would also make make it clear to her parents of your intentions but seeing as you have said she previous bf was also your age it sounds like they are probably going to be okwith it as long as you look after her

Theres no need to break her heart, or yours over a little age gap, as long as you both have the same feelings.

Goodluck hope this helps :)

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