A
male
age
51-59,
*edjpd
writes:My girlfriend and I of three years split up 3 weeks ago after a series of petty rows. Despite my best efforts she says she no longer wants to try in our relationship. I know we both really love each other and that she is hurting just as much as I am. The frustrating thing for me is that she will not even meet up so we can talk about our problems.I know if we met and talked we could probably resolve a lot of our problems. We gave each other space for a while but there has been no change in her position and the only communication has been by text. I get the feeling that she has been slightly pressured in her decision by her friends and family. As hard as it is do I just give in now?
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male
reader, redjpd +, writes (19 April 2007):
redjpd is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your advice.
I am moving on even though it is hard especially when you hear she is missing me and loves me still. But if she's not prepared to work on things then I am better off out of it.
A
male
reader, redjpd +, writes (19 April 2007):
redjpd is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi,
Well I have had no contact in the past couple of weeks. I spoke with her sister a couple of days ago and she told me that my ex misses me badly and saw a long term future with me - how confusing is that? - I told her that she won't talk so there is nothing more I can do - it is up to her now.
I am now trying to forget her as I am begiining to think it is now too late to save our relationship and I don't want to be in a one sided relationship.
I have decided that any future contact will have to come from her.
I have been getting out and meeting new people and am now ready to try snd start dating again.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2007): You've made huge efforts to get back together with her..she won't meet up with you to talk this through..there has been no remarkable changes in her position. Usually, petty rows don't break up two people who love each other deeply, hun. Was there more that went on? Because she really seems deeply hurt and pissed off. I know you want her to miss you so you can feel validated and loved, but she's not showing any sign of movement is she? Sweety, it's been 3 weeks-you've tried-she's not responding. That is 21 days, that she has chosen , 'not' to be with you. It looks rather bleak. She ain't calling to say let's talk, .let's work this out-then you need to accept she has made the clear choice to stay away from you. You can blame the friends and family for pressuring her all you want but perhaps, in your state of denial, you may not be giving her enough respect/nor credit due- for being strong enough to make her own decisions, in life. I suggest you back off and stop all contact. (emails, phone calls) Work through your own feelings of lonliness and loss. Give yourself a mourning period of about 2-3 months to wallow in your sadness and to face the reality. Some people take longer to get over their lost loves. Mope about, and let the healing begin. Then when you have gotten through the worst, come up for air and get out and meet new people. I am sorry for your loss..be strong and take care of yourself.
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A
male
reader, Royofthe Rovers  +, writes (13 April 2007):
 It does sound like she has made up her mind about everything. You cant force her to see things your way, however much you want things to happen.
I dont think you can blame her family and friends for influencing her judgement, she is a grown woman and i would assume capable of making her own choices.
Yes, she might of had advice from them about things, but it is her who made the decision, not them.
However hard it may be to forget her and get on wih your life that is what you need to do now.
Start doing the things you enjoy again and build your confidence up, soon you will look upon the relationship as an experience rather than a tragic moment in your life.
Let her go and start things anew...
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