A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Me and my girlfriend been dating for about 9 months and the only problem is that when something happens between us she just does not want to talk about it. Even if its something very silly she gets angry easily and says its a fight and for me to drop it, I tell her that communication is key and there is no point in bottling up those emotions and she tells me " drop it, or else I'll say something I won't be able to take back and I'll regret later" after that everything is fine we get along perfectly but I just wish she would open up to me and talk about the problems in our relationship. So what should I do? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, No watered down advice here!  +, writes (21 February 2011):
 I too tend to hold back my feelings and choose not to deal with certain situations at a drop of a dime. Some women rather process their emotions instead of speaking with too much emotion later to regret it. It's her personality to not speak without thinking first,that's a good thing! Now, if she avoid all conversations even after the issues has cooled down, then you have a problem! She may need counseling to learn how to express herself. Be patience with her.
A
female
reader, Lovely15 +, writes (21 February 2011):
My boyfriends have complained about that in the past. I think you need to keep talking to her about it. Find out exactly why she is uncomfortable talking about what's bugging her. On that same note, before you talk to her about something, make sure you know what you want the end result to be. Don't just tell her that she has to communicate her emotions to you without their being a point. The specifics of what she's not communicating to you might be helpful..
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (21 February 2011):
 It takes me a long time to figure out what I am feeling, and it's not that I am bottling up. I am slow to my reflexes. Also I grew up in a family where appearing happy in front of others was more important than expressing true feelings. So maybe that's why I am not so in touch with my feelings. I have the same problem with my boyfriend. You are not only dealing with her emotions now, it's years of suppressed feelings that have to be processed. She wants to deal with it privately without you interferring, because it probably has little to do with you. What you can do is not focus on problems, but let her know that negative emotions are okay and perfectly normal.
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