A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:so my friend and her boyfriend recently broke up ( the guy's fault by the way) she texted him and told him that she is willin to make it work she asked him if he felt the same way he said yes. i spoke to her today and she said that he is not calling her, i told her that she took him back to fast, that he did not have to work that hard or work at all to get her back, by her tellin him that she wanted it to work when he was at fault for the breakup in the first place he has lowered hersef to him!! i am right or wrong? what else can i tell her to help her?
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female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (22 February 2010):
 You can't help her, we have to let people make their own mistakes, all you can do is stand by and wait.
However, if she continues to make the same mistake over and over again, and you find it tiring, you will be within your rights to walk away ..... waiting for wrecks you know are coming is not good for your health
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (22 February 2010):
You're right. But all you need to do now is be there with a box if tissues. There is nothing else you can do. She has to make her own mistake and learn from it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2010): Yes I guess the message he is getting is that he can do what he likes and she will still be there for him, to take him back and make it work. I can see it from her point of view ie she misses him and doesn't want to lose him and hopes he will change and it will work and it must be hard for her. I agree that if she means anything to him, he will make some running and work hard to win her back. She has made it clear she wants it to work now he should make some effort. The best thing is for her now to be cool and show that she can have fun without him and look good and show him what he is missing. To be honest though, if he is going to keep being a 'break up make up' sort of guy, she could well be better off with someone more stable who is clearer about what he wants. If this is just a one off and he made a mistake and they get back and stay together then fair enough but he sounds like he could bea bit of an ass?? It's often hard to say exactly without knowing the people involved and the reasons they argued but there are bottom lines, as you know and this guy sounds like he has her over a barrel cos he knows she wants him and he has all the power. She has to redress the power balance. My suggestion is that she does as I said above and also keeps an open mind to meeting other people. She will feel better and less distressed if she keeps her pride and her own life going especially if he is going to play up in the future. Life is too short and she is young and there are plenty of guys out there who will snap up a good girl and treat her properly - but she might have to widen her mind a bit. I was madly in love with one guy and on guy only, who was bad for me and kept splitting up and getting back together. In the end he left anyway and is now with a very strange lady indeeed, who basically is submissive and grateful and does everything he wants but she never looks very happy!! Tell her to leave it a bit and see what he does. If she keeps calling him every day he will feel like nothing changed, she is still around and he still gets the benefit of hearing her voice and knowing she is there for him, without having to actually do anything himself. If he stays away from her then she will know he is not that bothered or didn't have to guts to come back and either way, does she really want a guy like that?? Good luck. She is lucky to have a supportive friend, very lucky indeed. :)
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