A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:There's this girl who I used to be friends with. I stopped talking to her really b/c she started being a big slut, and trying to get with every guy she saw, including her best friend's live in b.f. She's also an alcoholic and pathological liar. She always tried to get what she can out of everyone, and she gives them this sad story.Anyways, me and my fiancee (we're getting married in 2 days) were invitied to our friend's daughter's 6th B-day party. It was at the bowling alley. I knew the other girl was going to be there. I told my man to not go hang out with her at the bar area b/c I do not trust her at all esp. after I heard she was betraying her best friend by sleeping with her live in b.f. right in her home.After a while, I wanted to bowl too and this girl said she wanted to but didn't have $ to barrow bowling shoes and asked me for it. I reluctantly let her have the $3.50. She promised to pay me back the next day, I told her I knew she wouldn't cuz she never once paid me back.After I gave her the $ for the shoes, I saw her with at least 5 more beers that day at the bowling alley. She claimed strangers bought them for her but there was almost no one else there and no one in the bar at all. So I told my fiancee the crap she pulled on me and he told me she tried hinting to him that she didn't have enough $ for a beer. I told him "you better not give her any money" he said he didn't.Later I went to the bathroom and she apparently asked him for $2.00 to buy a beer and promised she was going to come over the next day and pay me back, which he knew she would never do and she didn't. Anyways, he gave her the $2.00.I asked him last night when it came up in conversation if he gave her any $. I didn't think he had but I just wanted to make sure. He said he did and told me what happened. I got really pissed off and yelled at him. He said he hated her and she was a skank, etc., and that he only did it to get her out of his face. My fiancee is too nice of a guy and can't lie. I told him he should have just told her he didn't have it but he didn't want to lie.So anyways my question is, should I be mad at him for this? I told him not to give her anything, it's not about the two dollars, it's about her being a really bad person overall and using people. I really didn't want her taking advantage of my man's good nature and as soon as I hit the bathroom, she pulled this crap. Later that day we went to my friend's house who's daughter's B-day it was to have cake and open gifts and the skank was there, with beer no less. She didn't even hang out with us or talk to us, she was on her cell phone outside the whole time drinking beer and smoking.Oh did I mention she has a almost 3 year old daughter and doesn't watch her at all? Not once at the bowling alley did she take care of her kid. She was off at the bar the entire time and my friend's b.f. was often times with her. This is the same guy that cheated on my friend with this girl. Don't ask me why she's still friends with her. I know not to be friends with her and I'm not.But should I be upset with my fiancee? He told me he wanted to tell me but he knew I'd get mad and I was like, you knew I'd get mad so why did you even do it after I specifically told you not to?
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alcoholic, best friend, fiance, liar, money Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2007): Actually sweetthing, he does not like sluts. he's a pretty moral person. he does not like me hanging out with her & does not want her around at all. he knows she has std's and he thinks she's pretty gross. he's known me & her for 7 yrs. & she used to be homeless & back then he used to talk about how screwed up she is. i know some guys like sluts but she goes beyond being easy and wild. and I don't hang out with her anymore but i really wanted to be there for my friend's little daughter's b-day b/c the little girl doesn't have many friends, only 1 other kid came to the party. It was like that last year & that's why I went. I do see your point though it's not that he likes train wreck girls, I believe he'd have given anyone the money cuz that is how he is. And she's not good looking either so I doubt he wants it from her.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2007): He didn't only meet her that day, he's know us both for 7 years.
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A
female
reader, Sweet-thing +, writes (13 September 2007):
 Sounds like your b/f is susceptible to feeling sorry for women who are basically train-wrecks. I also wonder if he's a little attracted to her because she's kind of a mess, she's a little wild, she's "easy" and some men view a woman like that as someone they could have "no strings attached" sex with, which is appealing to all guys, especially those in relationships where they have to be held accountable, and expected to act the way the woman wants them to act. I'm not saying this is the case, but I wouldn't assume that your b/f hates her as much as you do. My advise is to stop hanging out in places where you're going to run into her because sooner or later, things are going to happen that are alot worse than her bumming $2.00 for beers. She's obviously a user, who knows how to work people, especially men. Find another social circle to hang out with, and new places to go if you want to be rid of her altogether.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2007): You are right, I shouldn't tell him what he can't do, but I know this girl and I know my man is too generous so I figured this subject would come up and that is why I forewarned him not to give her anything. If it were me, I would have said "I don't have it" and left it at that.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2007): Let this go, hun. Let's give your fiancee credit. He was honest with you. He knew that what he did, would upset you but he was vulnerable and truthful...it's plain to see he deeply cares about you. So if he is sincere and you love him dearly, you can let go of all this. Don't make this into a big huge production...don't give this incident another thought. This other woman and her behaviors are not worth the emotional work out and the anger you feel over what happened. And sweety, please learn that no matter what happens in your life and in your relationship, you can't tell others what they can and can't do...especially in an angry way. You can set boundaries and what you won't tolerate, but you do it lovingly, calmly, maturely and within reason. Anger and control are two issues, couples in a relationship must forgo. It will cause devastation and resentment over the long run. Let this go, and be happy.
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A
female
reader, MonDoc  +, writes (13 September 2007):
The funny thing is that you're mad at him when he only met her that day & just gave her the $2.00 because he's not good at lying & also to get away from her.
Yet you've known her for a while - you know exactly what she is & what she does, yet you gave her $3.50.
It's almost like you want him to have it out with her instead of you having to do it.
It sounds to me that you're not mad at your guy - you're mad at yourself & frustrated at the fact that this girl is such a leach & you know it, but you haven't stood up to her & now it's affected someone you care about.
Don't take your anger out on him... take it out on her! That doesn't mean punching her in the nose - just that the next time you see her and she asks you for money, tell HER no - and tell her in such a way that she can be in no doubt about what you think of her behaviour. Tell her that money will not be forthcoming from you or your fiance & she is not to ask either of you again.
Then ask your fiance to back up your decision so that if she does approach him, he can simply say that no - that finances are a joint issue with you & he's aware that you've said no & he's backing you.
With regards to your friend's child's birthday party, don't fight your friend's fight for her either - that is up to your friend to deal with.
Your friend, if it bothers her, should be telling this girl that she doesn't appreciate her coming over, drinking & talking on the phone the whole time.
With regards to this girl's own child, that little one can't fight her own battles so you may have to intervene there. If you do suspect negligence or some form of abuse, do report it to the relevant authorities.
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