A
male
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I like this one girl, one of my good friends, i knew her in elementary school but then we went to different middle schools, and just this year we both started going to the same high school. I can' take my eyes off her and we talk a lot and text a lot and i love her personality. I told her a little while ago that i like her. i said it at first in January and thought i got over it since she told me she likes me but as a friend. we tell each other a lot of our problems but i like her more than that. She is beautiful and i have told her that a few times, she doesn't mind such compliments. I had to confess to her that i didn't get over her since last January. A year, and i haven't really thought of any one else too much. We are both 14. She has switched bfs 12 times this year. she acted surprised when i pointed out that i liked her even when they all left her. Any advice? And please don't say get over her since i havent been able to for a year. that is not good advice. says there is no spark between us yet she says she is dating a guy with no spark either, any help to help me convince her or the right way to try again? i have a window about once a month. she usually switches bfs that often.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYou saying i should go back to the Mensa girl? :) I mean i used to like her but she was even more conceded than I. Thats why i like this one, she i great and i mean it. not just looks or any one thing but the whole package. more than that no matter how much i look at possible problems with her i just end up finding no true ones. And she did care about the boys. She cried for 3 of them. the ones she really cared for (the one i was originally talking about not the mensan) the rest were just people she didnt care about. She is no genius but she is so caring in general. She understands people's problems although for the last year we have been sharing our problems, like you know how they say if you tell its easier well it is. I don't know what to do but letting go is something i've tried for a year but came back to my starting point.... What should i do i can't think of anyone better since she has so many wonderful qualities... (speeking of the mensan i'm working on a simple fusion reactor with her, we are still good friends.)
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (7 December 2010):
Well, you're smarter than me, that's for sure (My IQ's something like 130). But, I'm glad you think logically, because maybe that's what's needed. I look at things very logically, and when you do, sometimes you can see past all the glossy emotions to the truth. And you need to see the truth, not just what you're hoping to see.
If you look logically at this, why would 12 boys all seriously dump her after 1 month? You can take my word that something is very, very wrong with a person to get dumped after just one month, 12 times in a row.
Also, why would a girl go out with 12 guys within a year? Why not focus on finding the right guy once? She hasn't done that. She goes out with a guy, gets dumped, then gets another guy straight away. And she's done it all the time. She's never taken time out to focus on finding the right guy. This suggests that that she just wants a boyfriend for the sake of a boyfriend, and not because she cares.
Also, why go out with a guy when there's no spark? Again, it's all about status, and not because she cares.
And, again, you already tried. And you told her again, and still nothing happened. You could have every compelling argument under the sun, but it won't make her suddenly fall for you. The heart doesn't work on logic - it works purely on emotion. And her heart says that you're a friend.
When you sit and look logically at this, you can see that there is something wrong.
Basically, it's three fold:
She sees you as a friend.
She's not ready for dating.
She only dates for the sake of dating, not because she actually cares for these guys.
And that's why there is no way that it will work between you two. In terms of maturity, you're probably ahead by quite some way. She's not. There's nothing here that suggests she fancies you. And there's certainly a lot of evidence that she's not ready for dating, or does not make a secure girlfriend.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionUPDATE: Her personality is the best thing about her, it was the boys who dumped her and she usually came to me to tell me all about how sad she was. The night i tried to ask her out we ended up talking about love in SHAKESPEAREAN POETRY! I love her sense of humor. She argued that i don't understand anything, while i argued the opposite also in iambic pentameter. She makes me laugh so much. Sparks just don't come from thin air. The come from 2 pieces of metal that don't like to be hit together. lol it was i joke i told her. And not being cocky, but I tend to look at things more objectively more so than others, i don't fall easily i think (154 IQ) used to like a girl in mensa...
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionUPDATE: The boys dumped her, and i like her even more for personality, we became even better friends, and i have failed already, but somehow we ended up talking in Shakespearean poetry about love in general her half arguing that i font understand it and me the opposite, the night i tried to ask her out. Quite a strange conversation i gotta say. I look very objectively, forgive me for being cocky but at 154 IQ i look at things more logically than most.
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male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (7 December 2010):
Please don't be a stubborn teenage boy. I was a stubborn teenage boy, and it got me nowhere. When asking for advice, you can't pick and choose. We're not yes men. We're here to offer advice. And that's what I'll do.
Every person on this site will know what you're going through. You fancy a girl, so much, that you gloss over serious faults. I know, because like you, I did it. And, like you will get hurt by this girl, I was hurt.
Stop looking at her as this beautiful girl, and look at her actions, her personality.
1 - She changes boyfriend once a month. This shows that she has no understanding of herself, no understanding of boys, and is not ready for dating. This makes her a liability, because she will hurt you within one month.
2 - 12 guys all left her! Why? That's serious. That's not just one or two guys leaving. That's her being dumped 12 times. So there is something wrong there!
3 - She told you back in January that you were a friend, and nothing more. And in nearly a year, nothing has changed at all. You are still the friend. That's it.
The other thing you need to understand is that you can't convince her that you're the right guy. You can't convince any girl that you're the right guy. She will know it for herself. And she has decided that you are a friend, and not a boyfriend.
You're setting yourself up for monumental failure here, and a lot of pain. She just doesn't fancy you, at all. You're her friend. And even if she did, she's so unreliable that within a month, you'd only join the scrap heap.
So, now you need to ask yourself whether you're going to be smart, and just continue to be her friend and move on slowly (which you will - I did and so does everyone else). Or will you be stubborn and wind up hurt?
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