A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Okay here I go again...This is the last post I wrote..Okay so, me and my girlfriend got back together after a 1 month split up and we are doing great. Before the split up we been together for like over 3 years. Anyway, when we got back together we wanted to start off new. But now I'm concerned with something. I do not want to sound controlling or anything but I've noticed that last week my gf talks to her male friend at 1AM in the morning until like 3 or 4AM at night. I told her I was really uncomfortable with this and she said she understands because I explained to her that if it was in reverse how would she feel and she said she would feel the same way. So I thought she would stop and now I noticed last night (5 days later) that she talked to him for another 3 1/2 hours again last night after we got off the phone at 1AM. I asked her whats up and told her I was uncomfortable with this and she said that he is going through some issues. But when she talked with him 5 days before that for 3 hours he wasn't. She says he works late at night, so she can't talk to him throughout the day. She also says that he is a close family friend (her cousin's best friend), has a lot of female friends and a girlfriend. If that is so, why doesn't he call his gf when he gets off of work late at night? Or his other female friends? And if I told my girlfriend I was uncomfortable with those late night calls and she still called or accepted to talk to him that late how should I react to this? Am I wrong for feeling like this? Or is it just to feel this way? That she didn't consider how I felt about this.***P.O.I. she talked to him like 5 days ago for over 3 hours and since I told her how I felt, she stopped talking to him on the phone during those hours, but texed him and talked occasionally to him during some days of the week, when he was off of work. But now last night she talked to him again for over 3 hours from like 12AM or 1AM to 4AM***--quick overviewNOW, since then me and my girlfriend decided to take things a little slower and just start as friends again because we still want to be togther but this is just too much. We are technically still looking to be together, we are just taking it extremely slow. She told me before we made this decision that she would stop talking to the guy so late if it truly bothers me and she sorry for not listening the first time. She said she wants to be in our relationship mentally and I agreed. So later on that night she text me after she finished studying and told me she was really tired, so she fell asleep while texting me. Now the next day when I get up I check my cell phone lines to see if she still talked to the guy even after we decided to take it slow and she took his call at 3AM in the morning for about 2 hours. How should I take this?
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhey guys thanks i have a new update
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/my-girlfriend-is-begging-me-to-give-her.html
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (31 March 2010):
 Big follow up, aunts, in a new thread! http://www.dearcupid.org/question/girlfriend-is-begging-to-not-lose-me-i.html
Hot off the presses!
I'll answer later when I have more time.
OP, post here to let everyone of the new development, please!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2010): This babe is bad news.... stay with her if you like pain. I know some do! xx
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks people I really appreciate it
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI do actually love myself, I respect myself. the reason I can see this is because I pay the phone bill so I automatically get the call logs and stuff. I do not snoop every time into her personal space, thats not me. I asked her first, and she was hesitating and I been with her almost 4 years and known her for 6 and I know when she is lying to me. So, when I checked the bill I saw that she still continued to do what she did. This is not anything new, I never did this previously in our relationship. I have always respected her privacy and her as a person. But if someone is cheating on you or you feel like there is something going on and your partner is not telling the truth, then you need to find out somehow. I am not going to be living a lie.
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female
reader, Stayc63088 +, writes (31 March 2010):
 Plain and simple, she doesn't care about you. Whether she is dating this guy, trying to, interested in him, doesn't matter. You told her numerous times that it bothers you and she continued to do it. He comes before you. You are her boyfriend and it bothered you for her to talk to him, yet he still came before your feelings. If you asked her about the other night if she was up talking to him (the most recent night you mentioned when she said she just went to sleep) would she deny it? You can do better. If she can do that behind your back then who knows what else could happen one day. Maybe another time down the road she will lose interest in you slightly and there's another dude there... There are better girls out there.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (31 March 2010):
 She had promised you not to do it again .She obviously has no respects for you nor consider your feelings.
If she had, she would have asked that man to stop calling her.
Where do you stand in her heart?
I believed that she treats you only as a friend and you have no right to control her. That could be her stand.
You could be an option to her only and not on her priority list.
If you cannot live without her, you will have to tolerate her nonsense.
The signs are not good in this relationship.
You could either stay and fight to convince her or cut your losses and run.
How much more can you take before you decide to cut off the ties ?
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2010): First off why are you checking her phone, or getting her info sent to your phone.. That's kind of stalking and Controling, but you already noted you were worried we might think that... (I wonder why..)
Look if thats the run down I don't agree that it's right but if I had a clue my boyfriend was doing what your doing spying on call times (like a kid) I would really mess w/your head, b/c not respecting ones personal space is a clear violation* and it's a control thing...
I would do what she is doing, and so much more then I would dump you. B/c if you can not respect myspace then you don't respect me and look you have no respect for your self if you can not respect others....
My advice is back off, if you truely love/like her,give her space - right now you need to worry about you.
Why you ask? Well b/c most woman cheat when you try to control them (just like men) there missing somthing out of the realtionship.. ( sex, love, freedom, compassion, passion etc)..
So far we know shes talking on the phone for a long time..
(m or f)she told you it was nothing and you can't execpt the idea she may be telling you the truth.
We also know she explained herself to you, on the situation (which she did not have too, I would not the guys I am with love and respect me they trust me(they have self love) they would not act like you ( they would walk at the 1st red flag)
We also know you dont respect her space(privicy).
This don't sound like she is creating more of the drama..
If you love her you might want to take a little peek into you, b/c if you don't love yourself how can you love someone else??
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (31 March 2010):
Oh, and part of this is to stop checking up on her talk time with this guy. You have to be strong and really distance yourself from her. She may get the message, but I wouldn't hold my breath for her.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (31 March 2010):
I'd step waaaay back from this girl. She has something going on with this guy and cannot keep this promise to you. It sounds as though you are not in a relationship, officially, so I would stop behaving as a boyfriend does. Get yourself out there, get yourself busy, and get yourself out on dates with other girls. This one sounds like her attention and affection may be partially spoken for by this other guy.
Good luck.
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2010): I'm in a very similar situation; my bf was flirting with this girl and chose her over me, as I asked that he let her know he has a gf and he didn't.
Sorry, dude, but while I can't tell you what I'd do if I were in your shoes, I'd take it as a huge sign that you aren't the first priority in her life.
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A
female
reader, louisevandeburg  +, writes (31 March 2010):
She may be being honest when she says they're friends, but she's not trying to value your feelings. Time will tell, but I would try to move on. She may not be trustworthy.
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2010): if i were you i would dump her, but i also dont like to put up with other peoples crap, and i refuse to be someones backup or convenience toy. face it: if she cared she would not have kept up the talking. she obviously doesnt care about you or your relationship. shes making a fool out of you. Give yourself credit where it is due, and realize that there is another girl that would love you, but it's not her.
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