A
male
 ,
anonymous
writes:Hi there,I want to ask this, because its going through my mind right now, there's this girl im going out with, shes like my best friend (1 of them), im attracted to her alot more mentally than physically, don't get me wrong i love her to bits but i find it hard to get around the fact shes a bit more bigger than i am, ( in the nicest way), am i really a horrible person to fuss over physical attractions when I really like her for who she is..?any help will be greatly appreciated Joe
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female
reader, Country Woman + ♥, writes (4 May 2006):
 I have to say that I was not actually judging everyone as brainless when I said about attractive slim people CAN BE shallow SOMETIMES not all as I would never label everyone in this way I am just saying a certain percentage CAN BE just as some large people can be shallow for all manner of reasons and not down to just weight issues, as that is not what I am about.
I cannot agree with Pepper when she says about perhaps buying your friend a lovely dress as you would either have to ask her what size she is and she may not want to tell you or if you get a size smaller she will possibly feel highly embarrassed and know immediately what you are getting at.
Talking to her in the first instance is the best option and find out more about what her long time goals are and she could quite easily bring up about her weight.
I will not take the comments of Pepper personally but I do think that she has not read about the fact that I was saying that SOME people and NOT all thin/slim/attractive people.
Just think long and hard about how much you like this girl and just take it from there.
BFN
A
female
reader, pepper  +, writes (3 May 2006):
Hi there,
I often agree with country woman most of the times but i don't agree with her in this scenario on what she has mentioned about the female sizes here.
Please don't think that i am taking this personally but i would give my own opinion. Most of my female friends i know are slim to size average (myself an average) and all of them are professionals e.g. doctors or in computers. They and i have few things in common good control over our senses, loads of intellectual talks, good laugh, play lots of fun games etc. My best friend,in school, a v.pretty girl, with brown eyes, brown hair and a lovely slim figure was a topper in school,university and even in her post studies.Guys use to die just to say hello to her.
The point that i am trying to make is that not necessarily people who have control over their bodies are brainless beauties (i think it's just a myth now), infact they are those people who have more control over their brains as well and are high achivers in my mind and not necessarily shallow.
It's all in the attitute and in our minds up there ....so it doesn't matter whether you are big or small, that's should be the answer to the relevant question not either/or.
i would say to the reader, go with your gut feeling on this, girls are usually very sensitive about their weight so don't be harsh in suggesting what you think..just be poilte.May be drop a hint, by buy her a lovely dress that she might take as an inspiration to lose weight. Give her time ....don't rush ...as these things takes time to sink in...and be supportive in any case.
I hope people don't take this personally ....it's just an opinion.
Good luck
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A
female
reader, willywombat +, writes (3 May 2006):
 Are you more worried about what ohters will think if they see you with a larger than average lady or is this just about you? Think carefully before answering?!?!
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A
female
reader, Country Woman + ♥, writes (3 May 2006):
Hi Joe
Are you normally interested in the slim, average size of girl?
If this girl is stimulating you mentally but you feel that you cannot see past the fact that she is bigger, do you show it in any way?
Any person can change their size but it all depends on whether she is happy as she is or if she does want to lose weight. What sort of size are we talking here? Is she like 24 and you are a size 12 or is the size difference not that great?
You can change a shape physically but you cannot have a fantastic figure and then the person has no brain power at all which is quite often the case. Someone who is bigger as I should know often has to content themselves with knowledge, reading etc as they are not always accepted by others because they don't fit into the norm category.
It really does depend on how deep your feelings go for this girl and if you can see a future together.
Have you ever really talked to her about size etc as you may find that she would like to be smaller but the issue has never been brought up. If she doesn't feel awkward or uncomfortable as she is then that is something you will have to accept and then it all depends on you to see what is more important, size or personality and sweet nature.
More attractive slim people can be shallow sometimes so just bear it in mind.
It really does come down to whether you want something more with this girl or not. Just don't wait forever as someone else could find this girl attractive for every reason, both personality and figure and so you have to ask yourself whether you would kick yourself at that time.
If you want to let me know how things go, I would be interested to see how things progress for you.
BFN
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