A
female
 ,
*strid
writes:My best friend suffers from cancer ans she's under treatment, She is from a village and has a flat in my town. She is very nice but she is very messy about time or dates arrrives late,changes appointments or asks me for her to buy take away food the very moment I decide to go home so makes me wait like 30 minutes or more, when we go to the gym I have to wait for her for ages to go back home, I also spend a lot of money on the phone as I have to answer lots of text messages from her and she is bit shelfiss in the sense that she expects me to adapt my activities to her health or going out planns, exams... when she is in town, lately she has provoked some problems between our friends as she and I do not want to take a position in this mess, I love her very much and she is really nice but I sometimes feel as if my time was being underestimated or something it is difficult to handle with the situation as I do not want to hurt her at this time or being rude but I know she likes gossip a bit and she has provoked certain rumours that ended up in an important mess between some friends of us... Do you think I am shelfish for feeling a bit stressed about the situation? The other day she went to the gym and her old and ill mum phoned me to ask if I was going there as she had stormed out of the house without a jacket and it's dangerous when you're under cancer treatment, I was real tired so I went by car to the gym got into a traffic jam, brought her a jumper and took her home by car so I had to wait for her like 45 minutes after the class and pay the parking lot I don't know how to handle with this... I also feel downas my love live(unexistant) nor social is working real cool.Any advice?
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female
reader, stina  +, writes (24 October 2006):
 Hi Astrid,
I agree with Ponun - don't let her abuse your friendship because she's ill. Maybe try talking with her about how you feel. Just because she has cancer doesn't mean you should drop everything you're doing in your life. Does she have other friends or family members that could help out once in a while?
Don't feel guilty for wanting to have a life seperate from your friend. Next time if you're busy, don't feel like you MUST drop everything for her. For example, the next time you're about to leave and she's hungry, then there's no reason that she can't walk into the kitchen and grab some food, right? Or if she needs a ride somewhere and you're already busy, then she could call another friend - if that's not an option, there's always a taxi or the bus.
Take care.
A
male
reader, Ponungalungb +, writes (24 October 2006):
 I would explain to your friend that you do care for her and that you are trying to be helpful and considerate in her time of need. But that you deserve some consideration in return.
The fact that she's ill doesn't give her the right to take you, or anyone else, for granted.
Good luck.
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