A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:This girl that i've known since 8th grade has been one of the closet friends that I have ever had, we always talk, hang out, flirt, party together, kissed here and there, have the same group of friends etc....but we do have our share of nasty arguments and fights, and mostly everyone we know says we act like a married couple. The problem is that 2 years ago I realized that it went from loving her, to being in love with her. One night after too much drinking, I told her how I felt and admitted that being so close with her hurt a lot that I couldn't be with her. She said she loved me, but was not in love with me, but fought to keep me as a friend. I've tried to push her away with random arguments and fights, but she keeps on insisting to be my close friend, so I gave up and went back to being her friend. My problem is that my feelings for her have not changed and it's driving me crazy why she doesn't want to lose me as a friend yet does not want to date or be in a relationship with me if she clearly sees that I might be better off if she's away from me. Is she saving me as an option to be with later in life? What do I do?
View related questions:
flirt Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Susan Strict  +, writes (20 May 2008):
 It may be exactly as she is telling you, that she really wants you as a friend and nothing further. If that's so, then you can't do very much other than accept it and enjoy the friendship.
There may be a little more to it, and you will only really find out as and when you have another girlfriend. It's quite possible that suddenly her attitude will change - the moment she sees that she is losing you to someone else she may suddenly realise that she really wants you.
It's going to be complicated, because if that's true then someone is going to get hurt one way or another. I don't see what else you can do. You need to have a relationship of your own and you can't wait around just in case she changes her mind. You have to move on. Just be prepared for the possibility that she will become jealous and possessive.
A
male
reader, PeterPan +, writes (20 May 2008):
 I doubt that she's saving you for later use in life. This is going to be hard to explain, but I guess it's the simple truth. You are going to find that you will have many encounters where you love somebody (or think you do) and they might love you back, but aren't "in love" with you in a romantic since. And you're going to find that you will be on the other side of this equation as well -- somebody's going to be head over heels in love with you but you aren't "in love" with them.
...and this is called unrequited love. It sucks, but it happens. So, you need to accept that she's not into you on a deep romantic level. If you are looking for that kind of a relationship, it would be advisable to find it elsewhere.
...............................
|
