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age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: My wonderful boyfriend has gained a lot of weight over the course of a year or so (an extra 50 lbs). I find his family is quite worried about him and so am I. Now he gets hungry late at night but tonight he said he would resist eating a hamburger long after dinner was over. During a movie, he went upstairs to look for a sweater...but then I came up only to discover him stuffing his face with pepperoni sticks with the fridge wide open. I got quite upset and impulsively told him he is getting way too fat. Now I know that's an aweful thing to say. I only said it because I'm frustrated and I'm frustrated because I'm so worried about his health. He's so young (22) and it's so hard to watch his eating habits eat away at his confidence. He was really upset so I reassured him that I love him for who he is and I think he's gorgeous (I really do and I still love him the same even though he's now overweight), but that I'm worried about the problems he could face by continuing to do this to his body. He seems to hide how much he eats and he eats poorly. How can I help? How can I get it across to him how worried I am about his health without being so insensitive? I'm sure he's quite aware of his situation but nothing is changing.I feel horrible for telling him he's fat and even making him cry tonight.Thanks in advance for any feedback!
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female
reader, Minelisse  +, writes (20 May 2008):
 You should also consider talking to him. Why has this change in food take occur? Sometimes people eat to hide their feelings or to calm their stress. If you could help him identify what is making him eat so much so suddenly, he will become more conscious and might be able to become interested in figuring it out. Assuring your love regardless, being affectionate and supportive will help him.
In the way of figuring out what happens, lexilous idea was great. Also, plan and perform more physical activities as a couple... that will also help.
Best of lucks!
A
female
reader, lexilou  +, writes (20 May 2008):
 It is always difficult to approach this without hurting their feelings, put yourself in his shoes, how would you feel if he told you you were fat if you gained weight? The main problem with anything like this is that the person wont make any changes unless they are ready. My husband has always been a big bloke with a large frame so even if slim he would probably still weigh at least 180 -200lbs. However by christmas he went up to 245lbs and although i still love him and still fancy him it was really bothering me to see him struggling to keep up with our 3 year old. He's 37 so Im worried about his health too. I have been nagging and nagging and nagging for over a year when the weight first started to creep on but he wouldnt even admit he had a problem, even when he would stuff a whole pack of biscuits after a large meal or insist on a takeaway every time we had a night out. As i cook fresh food everyday my solution has been to only cook very low fat healthy meals ( i dont do calories personally i just concentrate on fat and salt content) and reduce his portion size of the more fattening stuff but adding extra salad or veg so the plate still looks as full. I have stopped buying fatty snacks and replacd them with low fat alterntaives and rice cakes. In 3 months he has dropped 25lbs without even realising he was on a healthy eating plan!! Once he noticed his own weight loss it spurred him on to join the gym and stop drinking during the week and he is looking better each week. The bonus is ive lost weight too and instead of him saying he needs to lose a few pounds which is what he said before (try 40 to 60!!) he now has set a target to be a 34 inch waist (was wearing 38inch trousers but slung under his belly bulge). So if you can help him by shopping and cooking sensibly once a bit of weight comes off it will help him feel better and may give him a confidence boost to keep going, by nagging it could actually make him eat more and more as he will be unhappy. Good luck x
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