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male
,
anonymous
writes: My girlfriend just told me of her past, consisting of a couple of hundred men. I am having a hard time accepting this number and find myself thinking of her with her former partners rather than myself. How do I get over this?
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male
reader, Yos  +, writes (22 April 2006):
 This can really eat away at you. You need to find a way to put it out of your head, or it can cause problems in the long run. The first thing you need to decide is whether you 'rationally' can accept it, ie, do you think what she did is ok? If you do, then the next step is to emotionally accept it, which is harder, but possible.
This link here has lots more comments about this:
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/why-cant-i-get-my-gfs-past-sex-life-out-of-my-head.html
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2006): hold on one minute who gives a shite how many men she slept with. obviously she was confusin sex with love and is very insecure ... put your arms round the girl tell her you love her like no one else reasure her you will never leave and stop judgin her you dont know her reasons why and she needs to know you above all people will be there for her.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2006): a couple of hundred men? Dude that is crazy. I don't want to tell you to leave her, but I know that there is no way that I could ever accept something like that. That is just way way too much. You would be better off not knowing. I feel for you man, I would say that you better come to terms with it now or get out of the releationship because if you don't do it now it will be even worse later on
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 April 2006): Before you carry on any further in this relationship-you need to come to terms with her past. If you can't..cut her loose now. Because this will fester away at you until the point where you won't be able to look at her without disgust. That is horribly unfair to her. She needs to find someone who is more forgiving and takes her 'as is in the present'. Dear, no one is perfect and everyone deserves a wonderful, solid, happy relationship. I don't think you can give her that. Mistakes are a part of life. Don't become one of those guys who is unwilling or unable to forget. If you can't do this, I can almost guarantee you will have a very unhappy, unhealthy relationship with this woman, in the future. Relationships based on one's insecurities/ inadequacies, anger, disgust or other negative feelings associated with lack of acceptance and tolerance, almost always dry and die.
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A
female
reader, chachacha  +, writes (18 April 2006):
Well it kind of depends upon how old she is really, and what her history of faithfulness is.
For example, if she has slept with one man a month, that makes 12 a year, and therefore over 10 years, she would have slept with 120. If she is 28, and has had no long term relationships, then it's probably not that outrageous - although it does beg the question as to why she never settled down with any of them.
The thing is, it doesn't matter if she has had 100 or 2, the key is whether she has any emotional attachment to any of them, and what kind of commitment / emotional attachment she has to you.
Importantly, you need to be sure that she knows that you
expect monogamy and that her past is her past and she shouldn't sleep with anyone else without first telling you that your relationship is over.
I would suggest you say "I am glad you have had this experience, as you must like sex, and I hope this means we will have a relaxed and experience-filled sex life; however, I would like to say that while I am going out with you, I expect monogamy, and if you feel like sleeping with someone else, please have the respect to finish with me first".
Good luck
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