A
male
age
36-40,
*b11
writes:I have a girlfriend who im dating for 11months..we are in a long distance relationship but meet around twice a month.. we have been having ups and downs and I used to ask for help here on this site... She didnt know about my acount name here and i never told her what help i asked for or what i wrote here..Last week, i went to meet her in her city and we had a fight and I logged onto this site from her laptop and asked a question... And I got great help from you agony aunts out there.. thanks a lot... Around 4 days back.... my girlfriend was at her own house and i was back to my house in my city.. and all was going good... and she was seeing her computer history at night and she stumbled upon website in her history... she saw the title.. and decided to read further.. (which i still dont appreciate.. dunno how many of you agree.. but i felt she snooped when she could have atleast called up and asked what it was and then gone ahead and read it..... she saw the title and read everything i had to say.. all my queries.. doubts.. everything..) she saw what i had asked and read all the comments and read everything that i had written and others had written.. and was apparently very pissed at me and brokeup with me ... I was getting the advise so that we could work it out and yes, some of my comments did seem like i was taking her for granted.. things like..'i know i have put her through a lot.. but i know she wont leave me..'. and stuff that kinda showed i took her for granted bt also showed my confidence in her love towards me...She broke up with me that night.. and we havent spoken since then...just conversing through text messages... I dont know what to do... I have been trying to get her back since that day.. telling her i'll change.. I did have double standards in the start of our relationship... but i changed.. i started believing all rules apply equally for all.. and she did notice the change .. though it wasnt overnight.. and was kinda subtle..... maybe it wasnt fast enough for her.. I am very hurt that she has left me.. she says she will email me why she brokeup with me..(i still dont have a solid reason after four days).. these few things.. like she saying i had double standards.. im self centered... etc.. and that i wrote here more like a self centered person and was about ME when i wrote here.. makes her want to leave me...But, isnt counselling supposed to be self centered? to be aimed at the person.. the query.. the situation.. and the perspective of the situation from the person who needs help point of view???I mean, if someone could look at the situation from out of the box.. from a third persons angle.. why would he ask for help here? She goes to a shrink as well.. and my shrink was this website... Dont people who go for counselling go to get help for themselves? for their perspective? for their happiness? She goes to a shrink...and gets her help... but she calls me self centered.. I really dont know what to do..I want her back.. i miss her so much.. But at the same time..im getting pissed that she read my inner most doubts and queries that i posted here for help .. my deepest thoughts... without asking... as she just stumbled upon them..She says she didnt snoop.. bt stumbled upon the site in her computer history.. and says im self centered and hypocritical.. What do i do? I still love her.. i miss her a lot..
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male
reader, sb11 +, writes (23 April 2011):
sb11 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for replying... Yeah she is fed up with this thing.. though she says she still loves me.. she cant take it anymore... i dont know wha she means by this.. because since the past 2months. i havent given her a reason to complain... though she has given many.. and instead of fighting with her bad or breaking up.. i used to come here for help... and feel better..
She was pissed at me some days back as she thought my mum doesnt like her.. and hence we dont have future left.. as my mum would never approve of her to be my wife... and then she went on abreak.. and same night... she saw this site was on her computer history and read my postings and comments on it...
I have never gone into her personal stuff.. USed her computer long ago and asked her if i could see her drive.. saw photos of her and her ex and closed it.. As i got very uncomfortable seeing it.. and i told her i got uncomfortable.. she says she deleted it later..
I saw her phone once(bcz she saw my phone she gave me her phone to see..dunno wht logic but anyway browsed) and saw another ex had msgd and gave her the phone back.. and she deleted that in front of her as well...
But she has read all my phone messages.. everything.. I have had msgs of my ex there and she got very pissed.. though i kept the messages for a different reason and not as memories..
She has a bag of memories, in which she keeps all her prized possessions.. since childhood and it has stuff from her exes..
I havent even seen it.. and even if i do..im sure i wouldnt open it.. or if i see her files with her shrink.. i wouldnt go through them...
then how come she went through my posts here..without even asking me..ad breaks up.. i mean.. i dont find the behaviour right... to look into personal stuff without asking.. and breaking up without giving a reason..
And then calls me self centered.. Im baffled big time.. Im trying to hold on to her... but i dont know how much longer i can hold on.. she says she will email me the reason why she broke up. but wont talk on the phone.. she dumped me over a text message... which i felt is cowardly.. but she says.. thats what im worth.. im really confused..
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2011): I know you say you love her and I'm sure you do, but at the end of the day it's not looking all that hopeful for your relationship if you're honest is it?
You've already been on here asking for relationship advice because obviously there are other problems and now you have broken up.
It could be that finding what you had written was the last straw for your girlfriend and she's using it to initiate a break up and get out of a relationship she's not all that happy in. You yourself mentioned a lot of ups and downs.
She doesn't need to give you a 'solid' reason. She has given some reasons but really the most important thing she's saying is she doesn't think it will work and she doesn't want to date anymore.
I can sympathise with you, the end of a relationship is usually hard but it actually maybe be the best solution. You don't want to get into the pattern of fighting/breaking up/getting back together because it won't work out. I'd move on if I were you.
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