A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been dating a girl and mostly things are fine but i have a bit of an issue with sex. The problem is that my girlfriend does not get 'wet' very easily. I usually initiate sex and we have it pretty regularly... 3 times a week. When using my fingers prior to sex, i generally have to use some lubrication to initially get her wet. This doesnt happen everytime but probably 70% of the time. Once we have sex, it is very good and she orgasms quite easily. I just find the initial lack of wetness off putting and a reflection on myself. Also, i do take my time with her. Supposedly, this is quite a normal problem.... yet ihave never experienced it before. Any thoughts?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (27 June 2012):
 Oh and I strongly urge that you use silicone based lube not water based.. they have a silkier feel (water based lubes tend to be sticky IMO) and they last longer... they cost more but you use less in the end as you don't need to keep reapplying it.
A
female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (27 June 2012):
 It's a little like EDS sometimes when you want it to happen it just won't. Try some flavored lube. It tastes and smells better than traditional lubes. This is a plus for your fingers and your tongue.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (26 June 2012):
 Yes. There are water-based lubricants which can "address" exactly the "problem" which you describe...... Take advantage of them (they're not very expensive!), and get on with your life...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2012): So your fingers don't turn her on...but you do.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (26 June 2012):
I rarely get wet... it's just the way my body works. WE keep good lube on the night table and use it for everything.
My not getting wet is NO indication of how much I desire my partner.
It's not a reflection on you in any way shape or form, it's just how her body works.
Lucky her that she orgasms from penetration...
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (26 June 2012):
 Wetness is not a good indicator of arousal. Some women don't get wet very easily, some take a really long time, some women are simply dehydrated, if she's having orgasms it's pretty obvious she's turned on and enjoying herself! There's nothing wrong with needing to use lube and it's not a rejection. It's extremely common for women to not be wet until they are physically stimulated, some women's "wetness" response is not mental at all. The wetness response is half a result of physical arousal and half a "self-defense" mechanism to protect things. Some women have more of the latter and so it doesn't kick in until touching is involved. It's totally OK to need to lube to start and it's not a reflection on how much she is turned on by you.
Though to point out, I'm not sure if you mean you need the lube for penetration or to prevent friction from external rubbing because most women need external stimulation before any kind of penetration.
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