A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:I meet this wonderful woman when I was eighteen right out of high school. I knew that she was the one that I wanted to marry. She is my all and everything. We have a wonderful relationship. We were open about our past. I told her everything about me and she told me about here past. I knew that what happend before we met was water under the bridge. We are now married with three children. She unloaded a bomb on me about two months ago. I had relocated to a different city while we were engaged for a new job and we were setting the plans to get married. She told me that she would go to happy hour with the girls from work. I was ok with this as I knew she still had a life and friends. While at happy hour she met a male friend and they had a sexual relationship and this was going on while she would travel to be with me. This continued until right before we got married, which was four months. This has hurt me deeply and I dont know what to do. I asked her what I did during our relationship that would cause her to do this and she can't explain this to me.I want to trust her again but dont know if I can, also if I still want to be in this relationship.
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male
reader, GrimmReality +, writes (7 January 2010):
 1. See a doctor, get tested for STD's and get DNA for paternity
2. See A lawyer, sever any joint bank accounts you may have,because if you cant trustr her with her vagina you cant trust her with your money.
3. Divorce her....don't believe a word out of her mouth.
Is she says she cant explain it to you that means she has no remorse, She craves penis other than yours and it won't stop there...it never does...Get rid of her now!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2010): I agree with the advice to get DNA tests so you can be sure that you are the father. After that you can make the decision about your relationship.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2010):
Get DNA tests to make sure your kids are really yours.
No, I'm not kidding. It absolutely IS a reasonable thing for you to demand right now. How many more nasty surprises about her past cheating do you want?
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (6 January 2010):
I'm guessing she was young and was lonely while you went away travelling. A stupid mistake. According to your post you're now in your forties, with three kids. It would be a shame to call it a day now after so long. I know this has come as a massive shock. I'm guessing she's said it because she feels so bad about it. It will take time for you to trust her again, but I think it's worth trying for, since you have three kids and you still seem to love her and had a great relationship before this. It won't happen overnight, but if you talk to each other, listen and maybe even get counselling to try and understand it a bit more, you'll be able to move on. If you still love her (which I think you do from your post), then it's worth fighting for.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (6 January 2010):
Only you know what is in your head and if you have it in you to forgive her.
You have children and this was a long time ago.
Give yourself time and see how you feel. If you decide to forgive her then you can't hold this against her.
If you can't NOT hold it against her then it may be time to think about a civilised separation.
Good Luck!! xx
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