A
male
age
41-50,
*estinclass
writes:Okay, here it goes... I have gone out with a decent amount of women and am puzzled by this one. Generally speaking, I would just chalk this up as a loss, but I'm not sure if I should. The two of us went to school together years ago, haven't seen each other in the past 15 years, and all of a sudden we meet through mutual friends. We start talking on the phone and show mutual signs of interest. Then we meet in person and, again, mutual interest is VERY clear (i.e. - I'm getting googly eyes, she's following me around when I talk to other people, and seeming to everyone around us like we're "a couple"). We talk more on the phone for hours at a time and I start picking up "virgin" signals. Then, the more I talk to her, the more it seems that she may have never had a b/f. EXTREMELY subtle in her words, but a little flirty nonetheless. We both make a decent amount of money, but admittedly, she makes a bit more...and at times, works over 100 hours a week. I try to set up a date with her and she tells me when the best times are, and we set up a general day, then she backs out at the last minute for whatever reason. One of the mutual friends tells me she's definitely interested and made it a point to tell everyone that at the time we met and to keep pursuing, but I find it VERY difficult given the circumstances. Any ideas what's up?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, neergqueen +, writes (14 May 2008):
 Dont give up...
WE Girls love to see how much u will TRY.
Seriously.
Ive beeen thru so much and im just soo happy with my fiancee!
He works very hard to just make me happy.
not that i ask for much but i am really honest and tell him wahts up and what im looking for.
He made his decisions i made mine..
u just have to really talk to her.
and see waht she expects from u...
talk to her straight forward..tell her whats up..
A
female
reader, stuckinthemiddle81 +, writes (14 May 2008):
 This sounds familiar because she sounds a lot like me a year and a half ago.=-/
Before I met my boyfriend a year and a half ago, I was a virgin and I never dated much (only about two guys before him and they were douches). I solely concentrated on working, taking care of my parents and getting myself back into school to further my career. I didn't allow myself a social life because I thought at the time I don't need a man or anybody to hold me back, I like the stress and work.
Until, this guy emails my via Myspace one night and we connected on a humorous level. Emails back and forth everyday for four months and every email suggested we get together for coffee to meet in person for the first time. I always said, Sure and gave him a time. I always cancelled the night before because I got nervous. I knew he was this experienced man who had girlfriends before and had a good job and I was this unexperienced girl who wasn't so confident in myself and didn't really allow myself to trust him. BUT--he didn't let up. He asked my at least once a week if I would be up for coffee and eventually, I caved in because he didn't make a big deal out of me cancelling on him.
ITs been a year and a half and we recently talked about that first night we met in person and he confessed that it was really puzzling to him as to why I took so long to meet him. And I told him what I just wrote you.
So give this girl a chance. If you truly like this woman, don't give up and just ask her what's the deal. Let her know you are not forcing her to go out with you but you would love to see her and be with her. Tell her if there is a problem and you guys can talk it out over the phone-whatever's comfortable for her. Maybe she'll come around. You never know. Good luck.=-)
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