A
female
age
30-35,
*rmyWife101
writes:My husband and I are very young. We have been together for two + years, I got married when i was 18 and my husband was my first sex partner! I just a few weeks ago had a baby, our first. I am very sexually frustrated, (you can't have sex for at least six weeks after child birth) We both have been very horny though, for the last week every night after putting the baby to bed, we have been doing all but sex, I have tested new areas... and stepped outa my comfort zone, not being able to actually have sex has offered me new areas to please him.. I never really gave head to much before, like i said he was my first so.. i don't really know what to do when it comes to this stuff, but he shows me.. and over time i come around.. and when i do give him head, i never swallow.. but the last week, I have done it all. My thing is... No matter how much i do for him.. or what i try, or wear.. Once he gets his, he's done? Is it normal? I have no idea about sex and guys so i am not sure. normally he can only cum once.. Tonight, i got all dressed up (very sexy) we watched porn while i gave him a blow.. did whatever.. got in the shower continued.. then to the bed.. he spent like maybe a minute on me and pushed me down , to give him more head.. I figured we could switch it up.. after an hour he came and told me no more... all in all i spent hours on him.. only to get a kiss. I just wanna cry.
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male
reader, Fatherly Advice + ♥, writes (20 November 2009):
 What was that sage advice, Sex is like eating Chinese food, The meal isn't over until everyone gets their cookie. Having been married for over 20 years, going through 4 pregnancies, ups and downs in libido, and lately health problems, I've come to realize that this is really really good advice. I hope you two women show this to your husbands.
First to the original poster your husband doesn't know how lucky he is many women have no interest in sex while breastfeeding. you are tired missing sleep and going through body changes. He should be pampering you every chance he gets.
You asked if it is normal for a man to turn off as soon as he orgasms. Yes it is very normal. That is why it is a very good idea for most people if ladies go first. The six week rule is a matter of practicality. you will have to take turns. There is nothing wrong with your clitoris though, he should be getting you there that way, and if not a vibrator is easy to buy. In other words if he doesn't like oral, he can get a toy. You need the emotional reassurance that comes with sharing sex with him. Other wise you would have already taken matters into your own hands. Communicate, and insist on your turn. After getting you off he will likely go much quicker.
Remember love is about we not me.
FA
A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (20 November 2009):
 Wow, The anonymous female reader seems to bolster the primary point that I've tried to make. That is, if you assume the role of doing all or most of the giving, then it is so easy for the other to begin accepting without reciprocation. Every relationship is, or should be, a give and take. Many people, whether male or female, and particularly when young, find it easiest to be a receiver without giving back.
In retrospect, and here is where I must admit my own shortcomings, it was much the same for me when I was a teen and in my twenties. Girls came and went. Then, I gradually begin to realize that I had the ability to please them as much as they were willing to please me, and that it was my duty.
Shortcut: Stop giving if you are on the short end! In no time at all, your "other" will wonder why the hell all his pleasure has vanished. Then you simply explain that you are sick and tired of doing all the giving with little in return. He may be too young and selfish to grasp that simple premise, but it's the ultimate truth. Stick to it, and best wishes.
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A
female
reader, noelbrianna +, writes (20 November 2009):
hey,
i too am in the same situation. my husband was my second. I was 18 when i became pregnant. my babys 4.5 months, and i'm about to be 20.
my husband is similar. i never gave head to anyone until him. i hated the idea, but gave in b/c i knew he wanted it. now its ridiculous. we have the worst sex.
its always the same. i go down on him, he rarely even kisses me on the mouth or neck. he gets really excited, and then i stop giving him oral, b/c i want some pleasure for myself. he hates it that i don't always do oral the whole time. then ill lay there, and he'll lay there, expecting me to do all the work. he has only gone down on me a couple of times over the course of 2 years. i never get mine. i usually get him his, which doesnt take terrible long, then he refuses to have sex again and goes to bed.
this has become a pattern. he now expects me to 1-initiate sex by rubbing on him and kissing his neck 2-go down on him for a few minutes 3-finish him w/ me on top or on the side if i refuse to get on top hoping he will. 4- then its over, leaving me more frustrated than ever. This happens usually once or twice a day. And you would think after months of me initiating sex like crazy that it might dawn on him that "I WANT TO GET OFF!" but it hasnt. i guess he just assumes my world revolves around him getting off, and that i'm so selfless never to ask to get my own.
my point is this. if you do not speak up, it becomes a viscous cycle, he becomes used to it, it becomes a habit. One which he is unlikely to want to break, b/c it works so well for him. it is creating real problems in our marriage, mostly b/c i never told him and so he never knew that it wasn't ok. but, IT IS NOT OK! he still has no idea, and its caused me to start dating someone else on the side. WHICH IS TERRIBLE!!! I tried to hint at him a few times, but that was after it was already an established habit. YOU MUST MAKE IT CLEAR ASAP! guys don't take hints, or dancing around the point, or pointers. you have to sit them down and say it brutally and honestly, that's the only way to let him know.
good luck and sorry
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2009): hey,i too am in the same situation. my husband was my second. I was 18 when i became pregnant. my babys 4.5 months, and i'm about to be 20. my husband is similar. i never gave head to anyone until him. i hated the idea, but gave in b/c i knew he wanted it. now its ridiculous. we have the worst sex.its always the same. i go down on him, he rarely even kisses me on the mouth or neck. he gets really excited, and then i stop giving him oral, b/c i want some pleasure for myself. he hates it that i don't always do oral the whole time. then ill lay there, and he'll lay there, expecting me to do all the work. he has only gone down on me a couple of times over the course of 2 years. i never get mine. i usually get him his, which doesnt take terrible long, then he refuses to have sex again and goes to bed. this has become a pattern. he now expects me to 1-initiate sex by rubbing on him and kissing his neck 2-go down on him for a few minutes 3-finish him w/ me on top or on the side if i refuse to get on top hoping he will. 4- then its over, leaving me more frustrated than ever. This happens usually once or twice a day. And you would think after months of me initiating sex like crazy that it might dawn on him that "I WANT TO GET OFF!" but it hasnt. i guess he just assumes my world revolves around him getting off, and that i'm so selfless never to ask to get my own. my point is this. if you do not speak up, it becomes a viscous cycle, he becomes used to it, it becomes a habit. One which he is unlikely to want to break, b/c it works so well for him. it is creating real problems in our marriage, mostly b/c i never told him and so he never knew that it wasn't ok. but, IT IS NOT OK! he still has no idea, and its caused me to start dating someone else on the side. WHICH IS TERRIBLE!!! I tried to hint at him a few times, but that was after it was already an established habit. YOU MUST MAKE IT CLEAR ASAP! guys don't take hints, or dancing around the point, or pointers. you have to sit them down and say it brutally and honestly, that's the only way to let him know.good luck and sorry
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A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (20 November 2009):
This makes me feel very sad for you, because obviously you have married extremely young, and to a young man who is quite immature. I sincerely hope that your husband will soon understand his selfishness.
Please allow me to offer some possible answers to some of your questions, and I would hope that he heeds some advice from an older man. Whether you and he likes it or not, the most important person amongst you now is the child. It is absolutely vital that, regardless of individual satisfaction, the well-being of the child is, or should be, the utmost concern.
Nevertheless, at your age, continual sexual satisfaction is also a vital aspect in life and for decades to come, and it should always be a two-way street. There is more than just one way to make sure that a woman is sexually satisfied in a marriage, and he should, in my opinion, become a student of that issue.
One of the best writings on the topic of providing female pleasure, in my opinion, is Dr. Ian Kerner's book titled, "She Comes First," which I believe is still widely available.
Anyway, to the question one question asked: Is it normal for him to "get his, and then he's done?" Yes, it is a natural but unfair tendency for a man to expect that, if you continue doing it. Since it requires little to no effort on his part, it can easily become an expectation and a habit. What you MUST do is require some satisfaction for yourself before you are willing to do him.
Otherwise, a couple may fall into a routine in which the woman takes reasonable care of the husband's needs, while he lazily does a piss-poor job of making her happy. For the sake of the child, do not let that happen because it may lead to dissolution of the marriage, and yet another child growing up in a single parent home. Don't cry - get pissed-off!
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