A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:[moderator note: not a question as such, but the in-depth background provides the jist for one]Hi,I split up from my ex-girlfriend of a year whom i see at University a year ago after she gave some "its not you its me excuse". I was really shocked and totally devastated at the time. She continued to contact me and we still occasionally had sex for a few months after until i found out she was sleeping with another guy too (not at Uni). We talked and she always said she still had feelings for me and did't want to lose me etc. Saying i was special, 'different' etc etcShe then started seein another guy at Uni which cut me up bad. I suspected that maybe she was with him while we were together but she always denied it saying they were just friends. She is still with himI decided to not have any contact but seeing her at Uni every week constantly opens up the wounds and crushes my feelings. Even now she still says she has feelings for me. Im really having trouble moving on, despite all ive been through and clearly she is moving on im falling for her saying caring things to me. I feel manipulated.Ive never been treated like this before and I feel pathetic still thinking about her after all this time as know i can do better, I just want a nice woman. Im not in a position to change my Uni or avoid seeing her. Tying to move on but hearing the gossip and still all her 'sweet' words is so tough. I cant escape!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2009): hi, i went through the exact same experience when iw as at uni. he left me saying he wanted to be sunlge and he didnt want to hurt me the 'its me not you' cropped up. a month later he was going out with a new gf from uni and his best mate was going out with her best mate, i was devastated. we wer still friends which made it harder. i eventually found out hed cheated on me with her and was basically a lying cheater. i stupidly got with him while he was with his current gf a few times which made the whole process of getting over it a lot harder becuase i never left the situation and got away. when i did it was the best thing i could of done i found hobbies spent more time with my friends got an amazing summer job working all round the country and forgot he even existed!!! the best thing you can do to get over this girl is stay out the way don't contact her dont be friends ( not in a horrible way be civil) and do things you would probably have never done when you were together. be happy on your own and your friends and you will get over her and move on. you'll regain confidence which will attract girls and you'll forget you even had an ex....
A
female
reader, Stayc63088  +, writes (23 November 2009):
 Well I've been through something similar. I dated a guy for almost a year, he dumped me and I was devastated. We had a job together when we broke up and I had to see him with other girls, flirting and so on. I quit the job so I wouldn't need to see him. He would text occasionally and every time it would hurt. Then my sister got a job with him and I got to hear about his new girlfriend, how happy he was, etc... It was pretty much the worst experience ever. The first thing you need to do is cease all contact with her. Talking to her on the phone at all will just give you false hope and delay the moving on process. Yes you may see her at school sometimes, just avoid it as much as possible. You said something about people gossiping about her I think, if someone talks about her to you just say you would prefer not to discuss her (in whichever way you wish to say it) and if they continue just don't hang out with those people anymore. If you no longer talk to her or about her then just seeing her every so often won't be too bad. You can definitely do better and she was just leading you on. So ask her to stop talking to you or just ignore her all together. Once you get past the false hope that she may still care or may come back blah blah, you can deal with just moving on and you will get over it. And you aren't pathetic. We all go through getting over someone we care about, and it sucks when that person is over it faster but it happens. Good luck with everything and feel free to email if you want to.
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