A
female
age
41-50,
*llikat
writes:Soo what do you think about this?.... theres no argument Im clearly crazy! Im a recovery addict who works has teenage children normal looking etc. But this is my problem.... Iv been seeing a guy who has a girlfriend + me he stays at my house 4 nights aweek. He is really good to me and we cook, laugh, talk, have fun together, are great friends. he even talks about the other girl to me. We both have had alot of issues growing up etc. I think that me and this guy bring out the best in each other (sounds crazy but true he has helped me give up everything that was bad for me). But... sex isnt that great we are distance when being intimate.Strange when Im really 'the other women. Iv also been seeing my ex once aweek. What do you think?
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male
reader, RevMick  +, writes (23 May 2014):
 Hi allikat,I don't want to come across harshly and that isn't my intention. However having been on the other side of someone who was exactly like this I can tell you that you are cheating and going to break someones heart.It's like being stabbed in the chest with a hot poker and then having the hole left open to scab over. If the sex isn't great, why on earth do it?You have children, imagine the kind of effect this could have on them. They will see how you act, and could begin to think that is a natural way a relationship should be.I would agree with one comment that you are not acting your age. Or maybe just not acting very smart.
A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (23 May 2014):
 I would wonder why you are having sex with a man who has a girlfriend when the sex isn't that great anyway, plus you have teenage girls who are looking to you to be a role model for them. Do you want them to grow up confused as to how to make healthy, positive choices for themselves? If so, carry on.
If you are having doubts about your choices, take a break from both men and re-evaluate your life and perhaps things will be clearer. I think you will always be in recovery so now it's time to make the next set of healthy choices, which would involve not sleeping with a guy who has a girlfriend. You'll wind up out in the cold when the girlfriend finds out it and I wonder if your coping skills are up that?
Are you seeing a counselor? Do you have a mentor you can speak to? Go to them and discuss the situation. If you don't have a counselor or mentor, focus on getting one now.
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A
female
reader, HappyPlace +, writes (23 May 2014):
 Sorry, what do we think of what? Not sure what the question is but here is my tuppence worth. Have some standards and try and be ethical in your approach, in other words, why are you seeing someone else's man? What a truly unpleasant thing to do, and to even talk about his girlfriend. Listen, SOME men like to have their cake and eat it and you are allowing him to do that. Why? What are you hoping for? The sex isn't great because chances are he is feeling guilty and you are just a semen receptacle, that is why he is distant. At your age you should know better!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2014): I think cheating and hurting other people is NEVER a good idea. You haven't said anything about the ex so it's hard to comment on that, but if he was a part of your past as an addict it may not be a great idea.
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