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anonymous
writes: Ive been with my boyfriend for a lot of years and we have children. We have been having problems such as arguing about petty things but have tried to sort them out which I thought we had. A few weeks ago he went out drinking with some mates and came home drunk but acting very suspicious. When he fell asleep I checked his mobile phone and found txt messages on from another girl. I was distraught, but phoned this girl up and asked her what went on. She said she had met him in a pub, got talking. He told her he was single with kids, but she says nothing went on between them. He had then txted her to tell her he would be dreaming of her. She had txted back saying he was sweet and she would dream of him too. He says he can't remeber who she was and that he had only txt her for a daft laugh. I don't think its very funny. He can't remember how he got her number. But I don't believe him. His story doesn't add up. He won't talk to me about it and things are just starting to get out of control, us arguing and saying horrible stuff to each other. I don't know how to deal with it or whether I should believe him and just try and forget about it. I'm confused. He doesn't want to split up and neither do I. I just don't know how we are going to sort this out. Help
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female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (20 October 2008):
 Since this post is 3yrs, 8mos, and 7days old I certainly hope she's worked things out by now.
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female
reader, gingerpassion  +, writes (20 October 2008):
Babes I went through exactly the same thing... now you have kids and you have been with him for so long but what you gota ask yourself is what is your sex life like... if you don't mind me saying, with men it's all about the sex... as far as they're concerned if the sex is no good then neither is the relationship... they may love you and want to be with you but they need someone who gives him those sexual desires he dreams about. Maybe you should stir things up in the bedroom a little bit and don't be shy... he may not want to talk about it but that's because it's over between them trust me... I bet you nothing is going on now because he got caught out. You should keep that other person's number just in case because that's what I did and from doing that I found out everything. If he acts all defensive about it every time you mention it then he has something to hide but please take my advice and tell me how it goes. xxxxx
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2007): Dump him..he is a liar
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2006): all i can say is that some men do like to talk to other lasses when they go out alone with mates it dosnt always mean they are going to cheat but in some cases they do its a hard and nasty way to finde out but iv found i take it better then getin told by some mate of his so do give him the benafit of the dout plase for u and ur kids sake good look
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2005): I had the same problem, but not with a boyfriend of mine, mine was a family problem, my father was always recieveing messages such as these, and my mum caught him and askd him what was going on, he sed it was a mate just messing around, but when it came to the extent he would take his phone everywer with him, even to the bathroom! and at night wilst he slept, it was always in his pocket! My mum questuiond him again and still he wouldnt own up to anything, then one day a friend of my mums saw my dad with another lady, and after this he owned up to having an affair, now im nt saying ur bf is, im just saying, dont trust men! my mum and dad had been together 28 years! theres no other way to put it, men are gits. x x x
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A reader, Arawn, writes (15 February 2005): Ach, mobiles!Before them what would happen is that on a high old night out, either partner would run the risk of getting chatting to someone nice. With a few drinks in them, and with the stress of 'not too happy a home life', any attention they recieve is incredibly flattering and it is easy to slip in to the 'grass is greener' type frame of mind.. a fantasy. We still do that, but with mobiles we all have personal numbers and instant contact. Before, we would wake up in the real world and realise (usually) that we were talking to some great girl, or guy the night before but this is reality, cold sober morning. And nothing will happen.Then along came mobiles. Before we know it, we have each others numbers and can contact each other before we get home. Txt messaging especially can be of a more intimate nature, it is easier to type stuff than it is to say it, many a true and false word has been spoken in txt! Occassionally this contact can keep up. The seemingly 'harmless' idea of being in contact with someone that likes you especially if things are taking there normal, harder route at home can give a dellusional sanctuary.The main way to act about this is not to be seen to 'over-react'. His mobile phone is his. His life is his. If you start to make demands on them he may retreat further into a secret life, driving him further away.This is NOT to say he is not in the wrong, I know that his life has responsibilities to you as a family. It is just a lesson in life that tact and diplomacy are generally the best ways to solve problems. And this is for your best interests. Put pride aside. Stress from work snd at home can do funny things to a brain. Don't make the mistake of driving him away because he is mixed up and run down. The situation could have been reversed. Tell him that, I am sure he wouldn't like the idea of the tables turned!You should say that you feel uncomfortable with him having such intimate communications with another girl. You are sorry to have invaded his space but you acted out of worry and needed answers. He will probably admit it was a huge mistake. You should believe him.The worst thing that can happen is a break down in trust. He has put a wedge in there but there is no need for you to hit it with a mallet. The very facts that he acted suspisiously and also didn't wipe the txts shows that he knew what he did was wrong. If he had wanted to cover it up and set about going behind your back, he would have cleared his tracks.He didn't know what he was doing. It is an easy mistake. Cut him some slack for your own sake.(If he does it again then there is no excuse.)Good luck
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2005): For a start that number on his phone has got to be deleted! There is no way you can sort this out if he still has this girl's number. Secondly if you both want to be together you have to talk this through. If he still says he doesn't want to talk about it but you are sure that he still wants to be with you then give him a choice! Tell him it has to come to an end for the children's sake as they will pick up what is going on arond them! Tell him if he wants this relationship to work then he has to talk to you and tell you what has been going on, otherwise you and your children will move out for a while. If he really wants to be with you he will open up and tell all! But don't stand for it to carry on like this, girl! Stand your ground! Be strong for both you and the childrens sake. All that matters here is that the children are happy and most importantly that you are happy too! goood luck girl and be strong!
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