A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have a fiance who i have been with for 3 1/2 years, we have both cheated before, made our peace,and moved on from it. My best friend just returned to the area,and I have always had a crush on her,for about 9yrs,recently she seems to be sharing those feelings,and wants to persue me further. She knows I have a fiance, doesnt necessarily care,but will agree with my decision. What should I do? I love my fiance,but I also share feelings with my friend too. On top of that,I have always wanted to share more with my friend. What should I do?
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (12 May 2011):
 You need to ask yourself why you wanted to get married to your fiancee in the first place. Your friend was in your life then, you knew her already, you knew you had some feelings lying around somewhere in your heart... So WHY did you propose to your fiancee? That answer should be your answer to this "problem" of yours as well.
I say problem with "" because it's not really a problem. You chose who you wanted to be with for life when you proposed. Rightly you're not married yet so the deal isn't sealed, but when you propose you make a promise to get married. Hence, there should be no doubt, and you KNOW where you stand in this matter. You're a taken man. Love your friend as a friend and tell her that even though you can't take it beyond friendship with her, you will want her in your life as a friend.
Once you have made a decision you got to stick to it. There's no going back and changing your mind. If you're the type of person that can't make up his mind I can assure you that if you ditch your fiancee for this friend of yours (who's not really a good friend even since she doesn't care that you are engaged!!!), you will start to doubt that decision as well.
In life you will meet more challenges to your marriage (in the case that you get married), and whether or not your marriage will last depends on how much you are willing to commit to it. This is your test, time to show where your commitment lies!
From now on I suggest you also work on closing your eyes for possible love affairs elsewhere. That is emotional cheating, and your heart and mind needs to be focused on your one and only. Not on everyone else who might or might not be interested. Don't be flaky.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2011): Wow!! Well let me tell you this dont leave the one you love for the one you like because the one you like would leave you for the they love. Are you really sure about what you feel towards your bestfriend? What if you really like her as a friend like your use to having her around? Do what you think its right and what you think you wont regret!
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A
female
reader, cupidus  +, writes (12 May 2011):
 What would Jesus do?
actually forget that
What would your mother do?
Me I say forget the wedding, tell your fiance you want to break off until you are ready for a full commitment. It'll be hard as hell on her and maybe you. But it's best that this is done openly and honestly. Nothing worse than starting off your future with skeletons in the closest ready to tear your eyes out. OH, forgot, this other girl, she's not the one, because she just wants your body, she doesn't even care about your fiance as you've stated. So don't look back on those 31/2 years with regret, just be glad you got out to sow your oats, eat those ivy and spared the little lambs.. baaa.. humbug, it's only commitment..right?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2011): The fact that you have to ask ought to be a good enough clue as to what you should do.
If your feelings for your fiance are not deep enough and you don't think you're strong enough to resist temptation then do everyone a favour and end the engagement. Let your fiance grieve, move on and be free to meet that person who will love her as she loves him.
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A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (12 May 2011):
 You have to leave your fiancee. It seems as though you two just cannot trust each other. This relationship isn't a good idea if disloyalty will be a constant worry. If you break up with your fiancee, you will be free to be with whosoever you desire and who knows, maybe you will feel strongly enough for your best friend, strongly enough to stop you from being disloyal.
I hope that helps.
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