A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:Red flags,or me being paranoid, well been seeing someone for a month, now, gone on dates every week, but she only wants to text, no talking on the phone.Tried to go see her at her place, you know for a movie, she only wants to go to the bars an restaurants.So is she hiding something, like a boy friend, dirty house,am getting the idea she has a drinking problem. Now we were suppose to go out tonight, but she said she had a headache all day, you see she is taking a month off of drinking, could she be having redraws.I know, some women, are going to say, am over thinking every thing, if I had a date, I would of took some ibuprofen, an went out, another thing is, if a woman ask a man out, on a date, who is suppose to pay, we are going out, tomorrow, she asked
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female
reader, ova-valentine  +, writes (17 January 2016):
 She is most likely not hiding something relationship-wise from you. She may have abusive family members, sick family members, or something is wrong with her environment that she doesn't want you to see.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2016): Red-flags are what you see over the course of time. You can't make snap judgements based on such small evidence. She likes to text; because people like technology for the sake of convenience. It's up to you to let her know you prefer talking to texting.
How many drinks does she have when you're out? Does she get intoxicated every-time you're out? If she likes going out, it's because that's what dating usually entails. She just may not be ready to entertain you at her home. That's her prerogative. She may still be in the process of exploring her feelings about you.
Maybe she likes getting out of the house, and spending time with you. Sitting home with movies may come later with time. Maybe she doesn't feel she knows you well enough to invite you over, and wants to get to know you better. It may just be a safety precaution not to invite you to her home just yet. Most people want to see just how serious you are or at least be on the same page emotionally. A month is too short a period of time to tell, but having a talk and listening will give you facts to base your opinions on.
The gentlemen always offers to pay. If you feel it's going over budget; then make some suggestions on things you would like to do that's different. You don't always have to do what she suggests, it goes both ways. If you'd like to do something different, just say so.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (16 January 2016):
 Well, I guess you didn't take the advice given in your last question...
But I suppose that it moot now.
If she ONLY wants to be wined and dined, then maybe you two don't share much in common. Or maybe see sees you more as entertainment, than a future partner. But not wanting you over just yet for a movie, might be because she isn't sure where you and her are heading, or she doesn't yet feel SAFE with you. Or her house is a mess. Who knows? But you PUSHING to go to her house when she has TOLD you, that she isn't ready for that yet.. is YOU not listening and not reading her at all.
As for having a head-ache. Doesn't really have anything to do with drinking or having withdrawals. Around here the weather have been changing rapidly over the last 2 days and that in turn have given me a headache. Doesn't happen EVERY time the weather is fickle, but it CAN affect a person. I don't drink or do drugs.
Her 30 days without a drinking might not be about alcoholism, but one or those silly New Year resolutions people make. An alcoholic can't just stop drinking.
As for who pays on a date, I think it depends on the two people out there, for me 50/50 is fine (always was) and someone asking hey do you want to go Dutch ? is fine too. If she expects you to pay every time... then again, maybe she is from a different generation (where men always paid) or... she is seeing you as entertainment.
As for not talking on the phone. Well, I DO find that odd. But I'm also not fond of texting and a way of communicating, I think it's a shallow, lazy and impersonal way of communicating. But it can be she doesn't like talking on the phone. Some people don't. Have you asked her?
And like I mentioned on my last advise, there are more places you can go on a date than restaurants and bars. (or HER house). So why not suggest some of those?
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A
female
reader, RubyBirtle  +, writes (16 January 2016):
A) I don't think it's unusual after only a month of dating that she's still not wanting to have a "stay-at-home" date with you. So I don't think you can surmise that she has a secret at home. Not yet anyway. Maybe after 6 months it would be odd and a possible red flag but not after a month. It does sound like you're over-thinking things
B) Aside from her taking a month off alcohol and having one headache, what other indications have you noted that make you think she has an alcohol problem? If you're just basing your assumptions on this alone then, once again, you're probably just letting your imagination run away with you. (And, if she's stuck to abstinence this month, most physical withdrawal symptoms will have dissipated by now.)
C)If you had a date, you would have taken some ibuprofen and soldiered on - well, that's YOU isn't it. She isn't you. She might not feel the same way as you do about soldiering on with a headache. I, personally, wouldn't do it - not if I'd had the headache all day.
D) As for who pays on dates .... well there is no hard and fast answer to this one. It will vary from person to person. I, personally, think that women should contribute towards the cost of dates, especially if they've done the asking but there are a whole host of women out there who disagree and think that the guy should ALWAYS pay. So what do YOU think? It's okay to have your own ideals and express them to others and if you can't reach a compromise then perhaps the relationship is not meant to be.
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