A
female
age
36-40,
*1sha
writes:Hi all,My boyfriend is a very high achiever from a very high achieving family. I am a fairly high acheiver from a very dysfunctional family. There are also cultural and religious barriers that we are trying to overcome in order for our realtionship to progress. I get really upset when he tells me about how great his family are and how supportive of each other they are etc. I even get jealous as I haven't and won't ever have that myself! I think every time I hear him talk about them I wonder why he is with me and how I am ever going to impress them and I get scared that he'll recognise this and I'll be left alone with no support and he'll always have his family to go back to. I'm really not looking for compliments here as I know I have done well in certain areas of my life but I genuinely need help to overcome these feelings as they feel like a blot on my heart but I don't feel comfortable asking him to stop talking about his family as I actually like to hear about them. Any suggestions please?Many many thanks in advanceAisha-------------Hi,I am 26 and my boyfriend is 32. We have been together for just over 18 months. I blurted out the 'L word' at 4 months very prematurely in bed and he didn't reply .. I got upset etc. We got over it, he explained that he felt that we may be falling in love but not yet actually in love and carried on.We had a few bumps early on in our realtionship when I had some suspicions about his loyalty but I was wrong and again we got over them.Things are going ok at the moment I think and we seem happy.About 2 months ago he said in a text message 'I heart you' to which I replied 'I love you too'. Then I said it when we woke from sleep a few weeks later and he replied 'I love you too'. My concern is that I still feel really awkward saying it and he never says it first. I'd like to just be able to say it anytime to him. I reckon he thinks that it is a really special statement and it shouldn't just be used casually and that's why he's not forthcoming. But my friends boyfriend's do say it casually and I wonder if my situation is strange.I obviously don't feel comfortable asking him about this. He has mentioned marriage on several occasions so I don't think this is a fling but I wonder if anyone can help or advise me as I would really really appreciate it.Many many thanks in advance,Aisha
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Odds  +, writes (14 December 2010):
 In response to the second question, saying "I love you" is giong to be awkward until you've done it for a while. Just give it time.
In response to the first, one day you very well could have a loving, supportive family, you'll just be the mother instead of the daughter. The fact that your boyfriend comes from a good family is a sign that he subconsciously considers it "normal" and has very good role models for when he becomes a husband and father. If you were to marry into the family, you would be like a daughter to them. *That* is your supportive family (potentially).
Consider the alternative. Would you rather be with a guy who is just like your boyfriend, but comes from a broken family himself? Someone who cannot bring you into a new support network of relatives? Someone who has not had the role models? Some of those guys would still make great husbands/fathers, but would be more of a gamble.
It sounds like you've gotten lucky with this guy. Start thinking of his family as being, potentially, your own. They may be slow to accept you, but the price of admission for unconditional love can be (and should be) very high. Best of luck.
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