A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have a problem with snooping, i will be upfront about it, but the only reason I keep doing it is I always find something, but not anything concrete and my husband always has a great story for instance I found a print out of a conversation between my husband and a woman, he was asking her if she liked to have fun what she was wearing and then they planned to meet up, I found it the night before we went to FL to get married. His story was that he hoped that I would find it that it was made up to test my trust before we got married, so I believed it, but I have confronted him twice after because I have found other questionable material. He told me to leave him if I didnt trust him, we are newly married, have a young child giving up that easy is not an option. I found a condom wrapper in his car (we use them but not in the car) and a girl called him a 1:30am and he hasnt said a word about her, I am not a jealous type I know he will meet women and have friends but I dont think that is an appropriate time to be calling. Should I confront him I am very mixed up about it he is going to be upset because this is the 4th time I have snooped, he says I need to just trust him or leave. I know he loves me he treats me like a queen but once a month he stays out all hours of the night. I am confused what to do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2008): Uhhh... speaking as someone who is definitely NOT a "snoop" I have to say that I would NEVER Have bought that "I just left it for you to test your trust" story from my fiance. That's beyond ridiculous, though I understand that if you're only hours away from getting married, it makes you more inclined to believe him.I don't necessarily consider anything you described as "snooping" anyway -- if his phone rings and he isn't there to pick it up, it's natural, imo, for you to pick it up. If that girl were calling your house phone, you would just answer. Just because it's a cell phone doesn't make it off-limits, imo, especially if it's ringing and he isn't around to answer. Also, finding a condom in the car isn't snooping, it's... getting in the car and finding a condom.Also, I think the whole "leave me if you don't trust me" thing is absurd and I think it's just a way for him to make YOU feel like the one who's done something wrong. I would TOTALLY confront him with everything and DO NOT let him turn it around on you and make you feel like you're the insane one with trust issues.Good luck to you!
A
female
reader, shandygirl +, writes (13 May 2008):
 These things sound very suspicious to me too. You may not like my answer, but I will be bluntly frank about what I think.
He sounds like the type who is a habitual womanizer. Some men are like this. The quest of variety. You have a few choices. Do you love him so much that you are willing to put up with his infidelity? It will be a hard thing to do. Or will you decide that you are worth more than to let him treat you like this... and decide to leave. Or will you tell him to "knock it off" and get his sh-t together... or else.
You snoop ALL YOU WANT GIRL! And save all the documentations that you find. Because if you decide to divorce, you will have proof and get a decent settlement. If you can afford a Private Investigator, do so. You can even get a "tracking device" to put in his car so that you can know where he is.
I know I may sound like a nut to some people, ha ha... but I know some women who have been through the same thing as you.
Good Luck. I hope all turns out well for you.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2008): Well dump him like he said or put up with it, its clear he's cheating on you.
Courage is what you need and it can only come from within.
This man as absolutely zero respect for you.
Good luck
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A
male
reader, rproctor +, writes (13 May 2008):
Sounds like he is disrespecting your relationship. If he says that you either need to trust him or leave, but he can not justify these actions, he is obviously using the trust or leave contemplation as a shield of defense. Why dont you tell him that if he cant get his s___ together and stop flirting with other women behind your back that he needs to leave.
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