A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:ive met up with an ex boyfriend who doesn't remember me (he doesn't know my last name because I haven't told him and if I say what it is he will remember me and I haven't spoke to him about kids)we have 1 child already he doesnt bother with I had drunk sex with him and now im pregnant im in my 30s I don't know if I should tell him , he doesn't bother with our first child so I doubt he would bother with a second I don't want to have an abortion and feel this is my last chance I can have another baby i know my parents and other family members will be shocked that ive got pregnant by the man who abandoned us first time around i know im very capable of bringing up another baby on my own again as i brought my 13 year old up on my own , i know if i don't say anything the child will ask who is its dad which i will tell them, it will come as a shock to my ex that its me and weve had another baby and he will feel deceived but i didn't set out to do that ive fallen for him again and if i don't put a stop to it now ill get hurt badly again i just don't know what to do what would you do ?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2014): You came here for advice. The advice is: get counselling to deal with your situation. You had sex with an ex, either unprotected or recklessly. Are NOT in a relationship with him. ALREADY have a child with him who he doesn't see often enough to remember you. You need more help than we can give you.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2014): It's not that people are attacking you it's just you sound bazar. This whole story with a guy who doesn't remember you because he has a memory loss, your kid who doesn't knw anything about his father. Then you have unprotected sex with him again, how did you even meet again? Then he is supporting his child, meansheispaying child support?
I really think you had enough babies already. The second one is not a good idea.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2014): he knows I had a child with him 13 years ago and yes he is paying for that child I didn't know it was my ex until just recently we haven't met each others families yet were taking that side slower because of my child with him (I don't introduce a boyfriend to my child straight away I wait months to see if hes a keeper ) and it was after a date to the pub ,we haven't been dating that long im not totally thick I know what sex leads to and as for pro help I came on here for advice not to be aggressively had a go at im not a punch bag.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (14 June 2014):
 You ex have NO idea he fathered the 13 year old? He isn't paying child maintenance at least?
And really WHY have a child with this man? AGAIN? I think it's incredibly ignorant of you. And to not want to tell him? Even worse, so YES he might end up be a deadbeat dad AGAIN, but is that what you want for your kids?
I'm not saying you should have an abortion, that is 100% your choice, but you NEED to own up to your actions. And "fallen" pregnant in your 30's can't be a total surprise that SEX leads to pregnancy. And whether you like it or not I think he has a right to know.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (14 June 2014):
 I think you may need professional help here, because someone who was in control of their faculties wouldn't make the decisions you have. I don't know how we can advise you because you've already made the decisions. We could tell you to go after the guy for child support and never let him near you again. We could tell you to stay away from alcohol if it causes you to make these rotten decisions, and we could tell you to use birth control, but it's too late, and you're not going to follow any of that advice.
So I don't know how to help you, except to tell you that you are out of control and should get help locally before you really mess things up.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2014): he knew I was pregnant when we split up he had an illness 2 years ago which affected the brain that's why he cant remember stuff. I haven't kept my child in the dark about who their dad is and ive never stopped him from seeing his child he hasn't seen his child so if he walked past him in the street he wouldn't know,he also financially supports his child, im thinking of last time he just disappeared and thinking he could do it again. he is single just like I am and hes not a criminal we met up again from a dating site weve changed in appearance so I didn't know it was him at the start. it wasn't casual sex before because we were engaged and house hunting
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2014): Your post is confusing. How could this man completely forget who you are; and remember nothing about you, when he had sex with you? He was sober enough to have sex. He must be tremendously stupid.
Why are you keeping a 13 year-old child in the dark about who is real father is? Why are you having unprotected sex with a guy you claimed abandoned you with your first child?
If he didn't know you were pregnant, he didn't abandon you with a child. He had casual-sex both times, and you got pregnant. No one can say you're not capable of raising a child on your own. Yet it's mind-boggling that would not tell this man he has a child; yet keep him all to yourself?
All this, without giving any consideration for the child having the benefit of knowing who his or her father is. While he is now again in your life, and having sex with you.
I'm trying not to judge too harshly; because he apparently isn't father material. How you would consciously allow the same thing to happen to you again with the same man is just unbelievable!
I think he should know. You should allow the child the right to meet and know his/her father; since he has resurfaced in your life. You should insist that he share financial and moral responsibility for the two children.
They should be allowed the option to know their father, and reject him on their own terms; if they feel he doesn't live up to the task.
Is he living a life of crime; or someone's husband? You're leaving out details! I just know it.
It's really not just about you. If he was never given the chance; you'll never know what kind of father he might have been up to now. Funny he wouldn't notice his resemblance to the child. Is this real, or are you just kidding us?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2014): it sounds like youre just making poor life choices on your part. If you knew what he was like, dont make the same mistake over again. You need to find someone better for the sake of your children. He might be their biological father but find a guy that doesnt make him a real father to your children. Find a guy who will be there for you and your kids. someone who they can call dad and look up to and if you cant then just remain single cause its better than putting your kids in a situation where they have to grow up in an unstable household. And invest in some form of birth control also
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