A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I have recently been in a very abusive relationship with a lad who is three years older then me,we had been together for a year and 5 months but continued to keep something going between us. Durin this time i have been with him he has been extremley disrespectfal towards me,my self esteem has lowered to nothing.He has alway's taken the mick out various parts of my body that he didn't approve of and told me no other person would want to go near me which has made me look to surgery,he is constantly swearing at me everyday telling me everything i do is wrong and that it's all my fault and that i'll never get anywhere in life .. the name calling really just couldn't get me any more down then i already have been.My relationship with my mother is wrecked because of my obsession with this lad.he has cheated on me several times and has left me for other girls and come running back to me when there is no one left for him too turn to.He black mails me and tell's me if i get another boyfriend or do something he doesn't like he'll never speak to me again,and regularly shouts and gets in moods if i want to go out with my friends and enjoy myself,i could go on about the things that have happened but the biggest problem i have is that i accept it everytime i actually beleive he's right,and for that i cannot seem to get over him,all the time something inside me gives up and gives in and it makes me find a way of talking to him,and once we have spoken again i am happy for a limited amount of time until he starts again,i am awake almost every night crying and having nightmares over this whole thing and i really really do need help to get over him! I just have no clue on how i can acheive this,if anyone is willing to help me i'll be so greatful i am fed up of feeling this way everyday it is ruining my life!
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cheated on me, self esteem Reply to this Question
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female
reader, mystiquek  + ♥, writes (3 September 2010):
 Yes sweetie, more than likely his anger will result in violence. Stay strong, and do not go back with him. I'm glad you confided in your mom. As a parent, I wouldn't want my daughter with a guy like yours, and would do everything I could to keep her safe. Believe me, the guy is bad news. You are much better off without him. He's cruel and mean and you do not need him.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much for all your support i find this advice very helpful and comforting,for once i don't feel alone and maybe there is light at the end of the tunnel :) .. i recieved a facebook message from him today stating "i hate you too me you are dead" That really hit me hard,he only ever comes back to me when there aren't any more fish in the sea,im starting to feel that hes using me aswell. I had just confided in my mum about a party that happened last year,i was drunk and he was not and he took advantage of me without any protection,because of this my mum is very concerned im even more confused then i was when i wrote my first question. Everyone who know's me is telling me his anger will revert into violence
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A
female
reader, mystiquek + ♥, writes (2 September 2010):
You just keep believing in yourself, and that you can and you will make it without this guy alright? I married a guy this guy, and trust me, it only got worse until I started to fear for myself and our child. I was very young, only 19, and I made a mistake. He was so jealous of anyone around me, I was alienated from my family, my friends, until eventually I had no one...but him. And yet he treated me badly and talked down to me till I started believing what he said. I had no self esteem left. Luckily I finally woke up, realized what was happening, but this was after he had started hitting me...I divorced him and pulled my life back together. That was years ago, and now I am much stronger person, I would NEVER tolerate a man hurting me or talking down to me. But you are very young, and so impressionable, and probably afraid of losing him. But honey? With a guy like that, you aren't going to lose ANYTHING..except yourself. That's why I'm begging you to leave him now. He is NO GOOD, and will only continue to bring you pain. Walk away sweetheart.Remember that you are special, and deserve to be treated as special. Please let us know how you are doing ok?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you very much for replying too my question,it mean's alot too me that you've taken time out to help me,i couldn't thank you enough at a time like this.I'm so greatful for both your answer's and ill keep you updated to whats happening, find both peices of information really helpful :) thank you guys,love to hear from you soon.I'll keep you posted x
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A
female
reader, lizzielynne11 +, writes (2 September 2010):
It sounds like you already know that this is not a healthy relationship, so I won't waste your time by saying it. Your boyfriend obviously has his own self-esteem issues, otherwise he wouldn't feel the need to constantly put you down. He's doing it to make him feel better about himself, not because there's anything wrong with you. Something that really helped me was just looking in the mirror and trying to see myself as others (not your boyfriend) do. I look and see that I have a small straight nose, big brown eyes, or whatever. When you do that, you can see that you really do have lots of things going for you and that whoever told you different was lying. I have a quote from a movie that is really inspiring to think about whenever someone is putting me down. The quote is "don't let anyone, ever, tell you you don't deserve what you want". You deserve to be loved, and don't let anyone get in the way of that.
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A
female
reader, mystiquek + ♥, writes (2 September 2010):
Oh sweetheart..you are so young to be in this kind of a relationship. You do understand that its destructive, right? This kind of guy will not get better with time, trust me. He'll continue to knock you down until you have absolutely no pride, or self worth left. Terribly destructive. I realize you have strong feelings for him, and that they keep pulling you back, but you need to look at the big picture ok? You owe it to yourself to be treated with dignity, respect and love. This guy isn't going to be able to treat you that way. He will just wear you down until you feel you are nothing. How do I know? Because I've been there. PLEASE do not alienate yourself from your mom. PLEASE. I'm sure she loves you and can see what this guy is doing and is worried about you. This type of guy can also turn violent. Please get out of this relationship now before things get really ugly. You need to do this for yourself. You have to tell yourself that you are a beautiful young woman and you deserve the best. Do not let his pretty words sway you into going out with him again. When you start to sway and want him back, think of the horrible mean things he has said to you. Its ok to be angry about how he treats you and makes you feel. Anger can be helpful sometimes, if it keeps you from going back to a bad relationship. Focus on your friends, your hobbies, your school, your family, and open yourself up to the possibilities of dating someone else. Look at other girls who have HEALTHY relationships with boys. Don't you want that too? You deserve it! PLEASE find the strength inside yourself to leave this guy before he destroys the budding woman you can be. You take care sweetie. Be strong, be brave. You can do it. I promise.
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