A
female
age
51-59,
*bril
writes:My husband flirts with EVERY pretty woman.Even on our honey moon he did invite woman to go out,and he would ask me to go with him too. He is a nice,charming,and smooth voice type.Was handsome but now his is getting fat belly,bald,but still smooth operator. 10 years marriage.He has more women friends then anyone I know,and he is starting (that I know) to send them gifts like,candies,rings not that expensive,and one of his friend´s he sent her very expensive microphones.Some times he comes home and talk badly about some of his friends BFs,like he is jellows of them! Another day he was so UPSET because his GORGEOUS boss made a fake tatoo with her BG´s name in her arm. And another day he got crazy because his man friend was flirting with his female friend (like she was his!.I told him,this is getting too much and he said that he will not stop being friends with them.A girl ( 20 y old) neighbor came to sell some cookies and he couldnt stop looking at her,and telling her his job,his stuff.....like he was in a diferent dimention when he was looking at her.Even in the restaurant,the beautiful waitress came and he couldnt take his eyes off her for a minute!Our sex life?only for him.He doesnt please me anymore,and sometimes he wants to sleep in the TV room,and gets upset if I call him to bed.Oh! When he kisses me he close his eyes and say:Oh! you are the best one! The best GF,wife,and friend! You are the best one of them.I am feeling really unconfortable and upset.I´d appreciate some comments,because this cant go on. What should I do? What is going on? Is it my fault?I do eveything for him.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2013): Unfortunately you have allowed it...Right from the start, from your honeymoon, he invited another woman out? That is when it should have STOPPED. You needed to let him know that is not acceptable, but he got away with it, and has ever since.I know Portuguese men can be strong-willed, but they have met their match with their Portuguese woman!!! It takes one to know one ;-)So... even though you didn't stop it in the past, it has reached it's maximum point and you can no longer tolerate it, so you need to speak up.He may be having his mid-life crisis because he seems to have upped the anti, but this is not new. He has always been like this, the only difference is, now you don't accept it anymore.You are living with the green eyed monster and this jealousy and insecurity will drive you crazy. It will make you a shadow of yourself, and your happiness is being damped day by day. You can't live like this.When you told him this is getting too much, his response that he will not stop being friends with them shows he doesn't care and nothing will change.So the only thing you can change is: YOU.Your reaction, your life.Begin by putting yourself first. Who were you before you met him? What interests did you have? What did you love to do? What did you do in your spare time?FOCUS ON THOSE THINGS, and let on him.Stop being a doormat for him.Stop doing everything for him.Let him see what he is taking for granted.Right now, his life is perfect - he has a wife that accepts everything he does, she looks after his every need, and he gets to enjoy talking to, flirting, and giving gifts and attention to all the other woman. Just like Julio Iglesias ;-) I have an idea how it is for you, and it is HORRIBLE. I had a bf who also flirted, who at restaurants would flirt with the waitress, and it was such a disrespect to me as his gf. I didn't do that to him. Anyway, we broke up due to other reasons, and the guy I have now "the one" doesn't do that at all. When we are at a restaurant, he is talking TO ME. He focuses on me, and he talks about himself, his life, and about me, and us. This after 3 years. The Honeymoon phase is long gone, and he hasn't changed. He doesn't eye other women, and he doesn't flirt. He is a good man, and that is what you deserve! Do you know, last night we even looked at the Miss Universe 2013 pageant online, and I could sit for hours with him comparing the outfits, the bikinis, everything which once upon a time I would have been too jealous, but with him, we can sit and discuss the good, the bad and the ugly and I know I'm the one for him, and the rest he looks like it's a flower but respectfully. He sees a dress and he looks at options for me. We can agree when a woman is pretty or beautiful but that is where it stays. He doesn't stare, he doesn't flirt and he certainly doesn't pursue!Intimacy - your husband takes you for granted, and is selfish, only interested in his needs. That is not right and when you said your vows, it didn't look like this!When he kisses you and says you are the best, he says the words, but now his actions must line up with the words! He should TREAT you as the best! The only one!Talking to him has not changed anything. You need to change things. You can't change him, but you can change how you go forward, for your own sanity and happiness.Go see a professional, and seek YOU. Who you are, where you want to be, what you can do in your circumstances. Threaten him with losing you, it may shock him into change. Don't fear change - embrace it because your current circumstance is not acceptable.The professional will help you establish boundaries of a new way going forward, what will be acceptable and what will not, and how you can handle him going forward. It won't be easy because even though you are upset, sensitive and angry, you also love him.It's not your fault - you loved him, you showed him by doing everything for him, now instead of appreciating that, he is taking you for granted. That must change.Let him come home, and tell him things are going to change. That you no longer accept how things are. That you are very unhappy. That this is no longer a marriage based on love and mutual respect. That his "friendships" go beyond what is acceptable to anyone out there, and that you are seeking counsel. He will probably be angry, his "perfect life" is being rocked and upset. He may threaten to leave you. He may threaten to kick you out (depends how you are married) fine - go back to your parents. He needs to realise how SERIOUS this is. You must no longer go to bed alone, crying, sad, hurt. Why? You did nothing to deserve this. You deserve BETTER! fight for it, for yourself, for your happiness.This may shake him into action, and possible change when he realises what he stands to lose: a good woman he has totally taken for granted.Good Luck, you deserve happiness.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2013): It's not your fault but it will be if you keep dealing with his bullshit! such a jerk !
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (10 November 2013):
 You knew him from day one and you chose to continue in this marriage. I don't know of anyone who would take girls out on their honeymoon. I think when he said you are the best one of them, it's not really a compliment at all because he implied that he wished to kiss and hug every woman in the world and since you are his he just closes his eyes and imagine himself being the king of a harem.
You tolerated so long. Him getting older, fatter and balder did not stop his flirting. Aging only made him flirt even more. It's strange to give you advice to just divorce him when you shouldn't have married him anyway. There has to be reason why you stayed with him. Is he rich? Don't tell me you stayed with him just to see if he would stop flirting one day because he saw how wonderful you are.
There is no certain type of women that made men do this. Women enable this behavior by staying in the relationship, hoping the men would change.
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A
female
reader, KC12  +, writes (10 November 2013):
 Honey, it is not your fault. The problem is him, not you!
He is a jerk with a "wondering eye" at the very least, and a pervert and potential cheater at the most.
He's not a mature man, but an insecure little boy who is flirting around and playing games because he still wants to feel somewhat attractive.
I wouldn't have put up with one minute of his nonsense, let alone 10 years. I commend you for your patience. But, I take it you've had enough of his BS and I don't blame you!
You really deserve better! You deserve a guy who gives you all his attention, 100% and all of his love and devotion.
Kick him to the curb, and find a real man.
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