A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Please help me decide now, which path I choose, between two men who love me and want to marry me?I need to work this out in next 48 hours as I have been given an ultimatum by the second:Boyfriend of 10 yearsGood, solid, kind, my age, wants children, good job, has been patient and waiting for me, love him more like a friend, lot of history etc., feel loyalty to him.But no money, bit emotionally distant, drinks too much and acts like an idiot when he's drunk which makes me really angry, feel some lack of respect and resentment towards him for drifting with him. Not as sexually attracted to him but would be the bigger wrench to finish with him.Friend of 8 yearsGood, solid, kind, 12 years older, divorced, grown-up children, more intelligent, wiser, more sophisticated, doesn't get drunk, makes me feel safe, have been seeing him for six months and fallen in love with him. More sexually attracted to him.But vasectomy (will try a reversal or IVF), still paying off ex-wife, etc., guilt of people's reactions.I am having a dreadful time trying to decide what to do and now I am inevitably up against the wall. Basically whatever I do I will be hurting badly and one of these guys is going to be hurt as well.It is my fault, I am an idiot - but need some help and advice - and fast.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2009): Its not much of a choice a drunk (no money) vs a stable man. Definately the stable man - you want children what kind of home will the drunk guy provide? Sometimes love is not everything - we need to look at the bigger picture and plan for the future.Goodluck
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2009): Its good your weighing out the pro's and the con's for a start..
Guy 1,fair enough he gets drunk and goes wild,thats only because he's younger and hasn't got the responsibility's that Guy 2 has. Guy 2 has been through the whole marriage and having kids thing.Im not saying it won't be special if he has that with you because, it will but in a different way for him,it's just they are things hes already done,if you understand what i mean...?
You say Guy 1 has been boyfriend for 10years right? well ten years is a long time.By now you should know him inside out.If you don't then i guess that's something there to think about.The only problem is you have all this history with Guy 1, it will be hard for you just to throw it out the window and just say right i don't want to pick you because your a drunken lunatic! You really don't want to choose do you? I think deep down you already know the answer yourself. I know most people would say go for Guy 2 because he seems like the more reliable one,but if you was really 100% sure then you would have just gone for Guy 2 without even asking for advice. Go with your gut instinct sweetie,thats the only thing thats going to give you the answer that you need...
:) x
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A
female
reader, ForeverN_Always  +, writes (21 August 2009):
yea yea, i know im way too young to give marriage advice (13 :\) but i honestly think you should pick the first guy. sure, the drunk thing sorta sucks, but you can help him stop. and the attraction thing, i dunno what to say to that (13 year old virgin XD) but i still think the boyfriend of 10 years... but hey, thats my opinion... the opinion of some teenage girl :)
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