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Past girlfriends have cheated on me, so I can't believe this girl won't too!

Tagged as: Dating, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (23 June 2005) 9 Answers - (Newest, 2 April 2009)
A , *heated :( writes:

Hi everyone,I'm 20 and male. I have been with relationships since 15yrs of age and had not very much, this may sound shocking,but I find it hard to love again, since my first love, I was cheated.

I'm not a guy to cheat, at all. But because of all the hurt inside I find myself this way now. Currently I'm dating a great girl and it's going for a month in just a week, and I'm very happy with her, but my past relationships keep hurting me still, because I think this girl will cheat on me too. I'm slowly trying to leave my past in my past but it's very hard.

I've been cheated physically and in every way else, which is making me very hurt. I have spoken to my girlfriend about it and she says she will never leave me,but that's what all the others said too. How can I leave my past in the past and move on? I'm trying so hard to do it, and I want it so badly, I even dream of my current girlfriend cheating on me.

I feel like I can't love/trust any other girl anymore, but I really love this girl, she makes me happy and I even told her that I want her for the rest of my life.

What is there for me to do?...

Thank you,

Regards,

Cheated :(

View related questions: cheated on me, move on

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A female reader, melnjy Singapore +, writes (2 April 2009):

I believe that you are not really ready for a relationship.This girl says she will never leave you.What if that statement is true? I think you should have a talk with her.Because if all you can do is think of ways she can leave you,then you are certainly not ready for a commitment. You should not drag things on. Because if you do, she might get hurt in the process. You refer her as a great girl. So I hope that you do not end up hurting yourself and her. If you do love her, and she really does love you, the both of you will end up together in the end. If not,then you know that she is not the right one for you, and you can move on and save yourself the process of getting hurt.

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A reader, marci +, writes (25 June 2005):

OK It is gonna be hard to love again if you told the girl you loved her and you still have these feelings tell her everything you feel. If you love the girl you are going out with you really need to take time and get over the last relationship because if the girl cheated on you it's not your fault and you should not treat anyone like that either cause it's not going to make your x feel any better at the end it will make you feel even worse then you do now. so u need to let go of your feelings and and yes it's going to hurt but you will find out if you make the right decision it will end up perfect.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2005):

Hi everyone ... Samy, mdkisses, Dear Kelly and Wendyg...

I would like to thank you so so so much for the honest reponses given to me, I really appreciate all of you for giving such a great inspiration for this new beggining I have.

I have concluded that all I need to do is as I have recently said, which is a new begining and the past is nothing more that a learning experience.

Thank You and the answers really helped me very much to complete my choices and my choice will be to start as nothing ever happened to me but with experience.

God bless, Matt.

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A reader, sara +, writes (24 June 2005):

I am girl who has been cheated on and come froma family in which my father cheated on my mother, people dont realise it,but the hurt and pain that someone could decieve you like that is un-believeable.

It jeopordises all future relationships, all the advice i can give you is to trust this woman, she obviously loves you and has never given you a reason to suspect her of cheating...has she? if not then trusting her is all you can do, i suggest you do get some counselling though, it is extremely helpful in conquering theese feelings, if you dont deal with it, ot will destroy your confidence and your relationship..

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A female reader, Wendyg United Kingdom +, writes (24 June 2005):

Wendyg agony auntThe thing you need to do is treat every new relationship as a blank canvas... this also should be done with freindships. How are you possibly going to move on happily if you are busy comparing what you have with the past. go into every new relationship a fresh... some would say that trust is earnt, yes when you are together for a long time it is... but at first you have to trust until proved otherwise.. ive been in your situation before and never thought i would get over my fears... but you do... you have to go in clear headed and calm, take each day at a time and focus on good things, not bad things that have already happend... the more you think about bad things happening you will become a bit possesive and run the risk of driving the person a way. YOu happy with this girl, dont ruin it by assuming that she will cheat at the first oppurtunity, we are not all like that, and its unfortunate that its already happend to you... but you need focus on whats going on now, not whats happend to you before, or it will cloud what you have and make it hard for it to work. Be cool about it, have faith that everyone is different, in time it does become easier, but we are not all the same, and if this girl is right for you, then treat her with respect and trust from the outset or you could end up for a fall... stay positive and things will pan out.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2005):

Its a sad story it really is and it relects so much on my sister and the man she had.He had been cheated on and he was getting married in 2 months .She left him and it must of hurt him so much,he then got with my sister .it was the happiest iv ever seen her because shes been single for years basically because she has two children.He had a big problem thinkin that my sister would do the same to him as this girl did before.He got so worried he fineshed it with my sister and she was basically left heart broken.I can only say this please dont let your past relationships take over what you have now be happy with what you've got not what you had.Dont walk away from this girl because she may not be like the rest :) thats my advise .think about the present and the future never the past no matter how painful. luv franxxx

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A reader, Dear Kelly +, writes (23 June 2005):

It sounds to me you're are doing just great, by 'trying' to leave your past behind etc,..It's only natural you feel the way you do after being cheated on, but time will heal, and after all you have met another girl and seem to be happy with her.

You just got to tell yourself NOT ALL people cheat, because that's true, and IF anyone was to cheat on you it's a good thing to find out and move on (just like you have done) because your last EX prooved herself that she wasn't the one for YOU!

There is a hell of a lot of cheaters pout there, as well as a hell of a lot of people who don't cheat.

Often men/women cheat and there partners never find out,...but you found out, and thats a good thing, because it means you had a lucky escape, and have now found yourself another girlfriend, and moved on ...

However in your now current relationship you will have to learn to 'trust', if she hasn't given you any reason for doubts then you can only trust her, so keep on doing so.

If you keep on at her about cheating, you may find you can drive her away by your insecure fears.

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A reader, mdkisses +, writes (23 June 2005):

Hi! The first thing is forgiving. You need to find it in your heart to forgive people (past or current) that have done things to hurt you. Next you need to get over it and don't be selfish as to not trust your girlfriend that you say you love. If you love her, then you should trust her (if she hasn't given you any reasons not to) And then you need to commit yourself to her (if she is what you want in your life). Going out and doing exactly what you don't want her to do is wrong. If you love her you wouldn't do it. If you can't handle being around other girls without cheating, then don't put yourself in a situation that you are going to regret. Trust is a big part of a relationship and once it is broke... getting it back is tough! I wish you luck and happiness!

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A reader, Samy +, writes (23 June 2005):

hi there, I read your q. You seem like you're not ready for a relationship. You dont trust your present partner the way do. I believe you need closure, you need to let go of your past.

The girls that cheated on you are living their lives and you need to live yours, you can get over this. The best thing I believe you can do, be on your own, don't enter any relationship until you have let go of your past then think about a new relationship.

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