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I'm married and I love my husband...I just wish I could stop thinking of this other man!

Tagged as: Cheating, Marriage problems<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (23 June 2005) 25 Answers - (Newest, 3 June 2010)
A , anonymous writes:

I am married but I have feelings for another man. I want to love my husband, but I still think about this other man. How can I keep my marriage?

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A reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2010):

After reading all these posts it seems like this is a natural phase of life, but it sure doesn't feel natural in any way. I am a hypocrite, scum, the lowest of the low. My guilt is consuming me, but even though I burn every day I still can't stop thinking of the man I can never have.

My husband and I will be celebrating our 19th anniversary this year. I do love my husband and I do know he loves me, but I am no longer sure why he does. In the last 2 years he has done nothing to make me feel special. When we do have opportunities to be alone I get shot down in my advances. Yet I will find that he tapes adult movies on the DVR. This has been harsh on my ego, but about the same time he stopped being attracted me (I even lost over 40 lbs.) other men started flirting. Even men in their twenties. That gave my ego some life, but that was just flirting. The main reason I feel excited again is a man that has been in my life for 22 years as a friend. He has been unhappy in his marriage for a lot of years. Even seperated at one point. He started noticing things with me and was there to reasure me that I was still attractive and wanted. It meant the world to me and the more he was there to let me talk the closer I felt. Then we crossed the line. We both know it is so wrong, but neither of us can stop. When we see each other out it burns because I want him so much. But what I don't understand is how can I feel this strongly about him, but positively love my husband. It is not a situation that I can cut him out of my life because the other man I seem to have fallen for is my best friends husband. That is why I know we won't ever be together other than the few stolen moments we try and get.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (23 September 2009):

I also have a similar story I am married to a wonderful man and two beautiful girls. I couldn't be happier but four years ago I met a man on line.I was always alone at night and very bored and lonely He was more of a fling at first but I fell hard for him. We are very much attracted to each other in everyway. I can't stop thinking about him its maddening. We have had a few disagreements and he is the silent type when he is mad. It drives me crazy but he always ends up talking to me again. I love my husband and he found out but forgave me. I can't stop talking to him we click so well.I cant imagaine him out of my life. I dont know what to do anymore I have a terrible working schedule to boot....

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A female reader, showstopper84 United States +, writes (19 May 2009):

If your husband is a genuine guy who is a family man and loves you and hasn't done anything to hurt you leave the other guy alone. I know it may be hard to do at first because of all the emotions inside but if you value ur marriage and want to stay put in the work to stay with your husband

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A reader, anonymous, writes (26 November 2008):

I've been together with my husband for 5 years, but we've been married for 2, I love him with everything I have. We clicked the day we met, everything is good except I REALLY enjoy the outdoors, and he hasn't really done anything with me out there for a while. Our sex is real good, but he's was my first, I've never "been" with anyone else; that might be why my curiosity is so high right now. A couple months ago, this guy who back in high school (I'm 21 now) I had a huge crush on, he's 2 years older; I was too scared to tell him; well he had graduated and went to a Maine University, he's been back here for a few months. I invited him to my 21st birthday party, we all had fun; I started talking to him more online and told him how I love the outdoors and taking photos, he replied saying that he would be happy to come along. We've gone out on these outdoor treks 3 times, we are the same zodiac sign and everything just comes together when I'm with him, I mean we have so much in common, but he's been with "a lot" of women, he's admitted it. But he doesn't expect it from me, I just don't know what my feelings mean, I love my husband; the lust is still there, though he's picked up a little weight (not bad, but I've lost 30 since being with him, and just think he should try and lose 10 or 15, and this younger guy looks so good). I enjoy hanging out with him so much, but I'm scared that things might head in that direction, I don't want to be unfaithful to my husband, but I can't ignore these feelings.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2008):

I am in the same exact position. I care for my husband, but I can't help not thinking about this other man. He used to be my co-worker. He was married at the time, and wasn't getting along with wife either. He was mostly talking about our possible future together, and I was mostly listening. He was my first crush in a very long time, I wasn't sure what was going on...I was confused. My husband and I have been married for 8 years, we have no kids, and probably never will. He simply is not ready, as he says. Our marriage has been like a partnership for over 2 years now. I've offered to take a little brake for a while. But, he continuous telling me that he loves me, and want to have kids with me. I was doing everything for him, was his servant for the first 6 years of marriage. wanted him to be happy with me, always tried to look my best for him. And yet, he was demanding for more and had started putting on some extra weight. I've mentioned to him, that this is not healthy, and certainly NOT sexy.... For a while, he wasn't working, so I was taking care of entire household and bills. And all he was doing all day was feeling sorry for himself and getting drunk with his female friend. It got to the poit of me complitely Burning OUT.... So, when I've met that other guy, I tried to resist it... my mind was screaming "THIS is wroooong", but my heart... he made feel irresistable. I broke it off with "him" several times, when my husband was very lovable, making promisses and I believed him... He was constantly asking me to leave my husband, I don't know I didn't, partly I was affraid of judgement....

Anyway, I probably will never hear from that guy again... My husband and I are still together, unfortunately I don't enjoy sex with him, nor beimg with him... There is a big mess in my head right now.. I keep thinking about that other guy... Would I be with him right now, if I would just gave him a chance? Or, will I ever, emotionally come back to my husband? I am so lost.....

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2008):

Reading some of your answers really enlightened me. I am a smart, bright, attractive and independent woman who's been married for almost 5 years, but have known my husband for 10 and we were best friends before we admitted to loving each other so much that we decided we were soul mates and got married.

I recently left my job where I've been for 7 months, and I had a co-worker who I was impressed with. We worked together on some projects, and I admired his persistence, professional presense and approach and yes, I was somewhat attracted to him. The more I got to know him, the more I became attracted. He started flirting with me a few months ago, with questions he would throw out at me through email or text. At first, it was playful, and I've always enjoyed flirting. My husband knows this, but he trusts me and he's accepted this about me. I like to work hard and have fun! I've been a little apprehensive about flirting back, but it got to a point when it started to turn me on and I'd play his game just to see how far it would get. I've put myself out there, and have even waited on him a few times to meet with me. But he's left me hanging. More than 3 times. For whatever reason, I'd get really upset, but he'd ask me to lunch or drinks or offer me massages, and never came through. This really bothered me! Lately, I've been thinking more about him, dreaming about him, and have been stressing about him bailing out on me. I don't know if it's because I hate to be burned, or I really do care about him, but he's giving me every reason to want to move on.

Now that I've left that job, I'm realizing it's not worth my time, my stress, and especially my marriage and 2 kids to waste so much time and effort on him. I feel really guilty, I guess I just got caught up on the moments of heat. But I'm DONE WITH HIM! And thanks to your responses, it reassures me that I'm in control and I have to STOP!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2008):

Hello, I have feelings also like you and the other women on here. My husband and I are fine together most of the time, but just recently we were apart for about a year and with his new job he started to get fat. I am not a bad person or a person who only likes someone for thier looks, but when we started dating and durign the first part of our marriage he was nicely built. I look nice and try my best to keep myself up and nice and sexy for him, because we met that way and plus I like making sure i stay healthy and not get overweight. I started to not want him in a sexual way anymore b/c the sex was starting to not be enjoyable by me anymore b/c of the weight around his stomach (his gut) it just felt so nasty to me and I couldnt enjoy myself and he just fely like a big fat pig on top of me, I even tried me on top, and I just couldnt look at him anymore and get turned on. We haev been married for only 2 years so I really dont want a divorce, but this other guy is so much to me, i think I really do have love in my heart for him. Well during this time and a little before I met this guy, aroudn the same age as my husband the same race and bout the same height too. But during this he never pressured me to have sex with him at all, he was always and still nice, loving, very complimentive of me in every way, he holds me close makes me feel safe, he does ALL the sexual things I love and knows exactly how to do them unlike my husband(but he is getting better and tryign new things). This other guy just makes me feel oh so good all the time i am with him. We are seperated by time zones right now but I will be going over to where he is pretty soon for a new job anyway, and we haev been talking for basically my whole marriage almost. The other guy is married, wiht two kids and I am not sure how long he has been married, but he is now saying that when I come over to where he is fo rmy new job he wants us to spend some time together so we can make sure we still feel the same way afer spending alot of time physcially with one another besides just writing over the internet to eachother. Not physically as in sex but with everything, just like dating all over again kinda. He says he is ready right now to leave his wife and as for his kids he will do just what everybody else does, have visitation rights and all that stuff. I am just torn b/c I do love my husband very much so, its just that this other guy is everything that I seem to want in a husband and in a man in general. I feel like I am just goign to wait till we meet and see if we could work out and then go from there. B/c i dont wanna get a divorce its just really frowned upon with my family and with me too. My hsuabd doesnt beat me belittle me or any of that its just tah he is not satisfying all my needs or just the really important ones. I feel like I may just carry on this affair and keep both men in my life and hopefully that will work, and the other guy wont have to giev up his kids and I wont have to have a divorce and all. Please give me some advice ladies and gentlemen.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2008):

First thing I can think of doing is to ask yourself what is it about this man you're infatuated with, and secondly, is there anything you don't like about your husband.

I am in the same predicament. I have been fantasizing about a man I met in school and have not seen in almost 5 months. I do believe that if our partners did have a tight hold on us, the man and I would have become physical. I can say that I have lost attraction for my partner. What help contribute to this is that he has always been overly critical towards me, I do not feel sexual towards him, and he has always been emotionally attached to another woman from day one. I had hope for many years that he would just love me. So, I finally gave up! Mabe we will re acquaint with one another and have a healthy, loving relationship.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2008):

I think it's clear that you are not alone in this boat. I too have been struggling with this problem.

My husband and I have been married for just 2 1/2 years. I know - too short of a time to have this problem. Things have been rocky from the beginning. Shortly after our honeymoon, he confessed that he does not believe in our religion and basically stated that he didn't want anything to do with it anymore. This tore me in two because our religion is everything to me! When he told me, I broke down completely with worries about how we would live our lives, raise our future children...etc. It seems like religion really has a hand in everything. Also, my husband worked hard to get me. He followed me across the country when I got a job out there and I truly believe that he loved me enough to do anything for me. After getting to know him better, I am starting to believe that he is just a big risk-taker. He likes adventure. Our relationship became physically intimate sooner than I would have liked in retrospect. I think I married for lust, rather than love. Also, I felt guilty for having sexual relations outside of marriage - a big no no in our religion.

When I started law school I met a really awesome guy. Everything about him is perfect - tall, dark, and handsome. He is so funny and intelligent. I am just crazy about him. We have a great connection. Sometimes I read his feelings in his eyes. Although nothing has ever happened between us, I feel that so much goes unsaid. I think he might know how I feel about him and I think he might feel the same way. He has a serious girlfriend and it is important to him to stay committed to her. Moreover, I think he is definitely not the type to go after a married woman. I think he respects that level of commitment.

I have not told my husband about my feelings for the other guy. Nor have I told the other guy. Part of me believes that you get what you put into a marriage. To get rid of these feelings I have tried to "love" my husband more by doing things for him and caring for me. It's not easy, and I'm not sure that it's working.

After reading the replies I think that part of my problem isn't so much that there is someone else out there for me, but that I am not satisfied with the relationship that I already have. I have wondered many times lately whether or not my husband really loves me. He spends SO much time away from home. When I confronted him about it, he said that he does it because we often fight. To me that said that he already gave up on us. I've never felt more hurt.

Like you, I don't know exactly what to do. I don't think going after the other guy is going to make me happier. It will be a distraction for now, but in the end I think it will leave me with more pain.

I do feel like I'm at a breaking point though. I need to convey to my husband that I am not getting what I need out of our relationship. My self-esteem is in the toilet. I feel like crying every time we have sex. I am purely unhappy. I think that my unhappiness would be resolved if I truly believed that he cared about me and loved me. This won't happen unless I see an effort from him to put me at the top of my priority list.

Just one final piece of advice. I am willing to put my whole heart into my marriage. I made a commitment to love him forever and I will do my best to honor that commitment. However, there will be a point where I will no longer be able to do this. I strongly believe that God loves each of his children and because of that he doesn't expect me to be unhappy. I will only leave if leaving is the only way I can be happy. Yes, I know it's hard. I'm hoping I can convince my husband to go to marriage counseling or whatever it takes to get us through this.

Good luck!!!

PS - I know you know this, but I'll say it anyway. Affairs are just a really bad idea. Don't do it. You'll regret it later.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2008):

I am also in this situation. I am 27 and on my second marriage. I have had sex with the other man and my husband knows about this, buthte feelings won't go away. This is called an emotional affair. Your emotions are so strong for the other person that you are having an affair on your spouse. It is hard to undo, beacuse it is somethign that attracts you to him or her that your spouse is lacking. How do you explain this to your spouse, you can't. They won't understand. I know for a fact. Try to stop the emotional affair as quickly as possible before any other individuals lives are affected.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2008):

I have my own mixed feelings in my relationship and mixed feelings about these postings.My husband doesn't treat me bad but he doesn't treat me good either. He is home every night but something is missing.He doesn't spend anytime with me. Sometimes he will say the meanest unforgivable things and thinks it is okay. Then a little while later talks like he never said anything. I haven't had the heart to leave him for my son's sake. I feel like this is a marriage of convenience and a comfort zone. I recently started talking to man who knows I am married. I know nothing would develop because I am married and he will not cross that line. I am trying to let the crush run it's course. I am not sure how he feels. I can't help but wonder what if. My husband has told me for 15 yers how fat and stupid I am. I know it is cruel to stay with my husband until I discover love elsewhere.I am not sure what I want.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2008):

I too am in the same situation. It is kind of nice to hear I am not the only one in this predicament. To have people understand what I am going through.

I am 28 years old and have been with my husband for 11 years. We have been married for 6 years and have 3 children. Things with my husband are not bad by any means... The passion has dissipated over time, but I think that is something that just naturally happens. I know he loves me and I know I love him, but the little things that he used to do for me don't happen anymore. Those were the things that made me feel certain in our relationship. Those were the things that made me feel special and remind me that I am loved. When my husband and I first started dating he used to act like he was lucky to have me. Now I feel like he just expects me to be there because we are married. Almost like he has me and he knows it so he doesn't have to try anymore.

The other man I have feelings for is co-worker who is also married. At first I just enjoyed talking to him at company functions. Over time I found myself going out of my way to be around him and spend time with him. We both played on our company's softball team. It was something gradually happened and during a meeting at work I found myself wondering about this man sexually. Which I thought was no big deal we will always have thought like thats right?? When this other man told me that we have a "special relationship" I totally understood what he was talking about. It was almost like being in high school again. I would get giddy just seeing him. I couldn't wait for Monday to see him. He tells me that I am beautiful. He tells me that I am smart. He tells me that he likes me for me and loves to spend time with him.

After we both admitted our feelings for one another we agreed that we would never take with relationship to the next level because we are married and we want to honor our vows, but am I honoring my vows when I have these feelings for another man?? I am sitting on the couch next to my husband and find myself thinking about this other man. When I have a disagreement with my husband I ask myself if I was with this other man would I have the same arguments? How would he treat me? He is always on my mind. Even though I have not had sex with this man I still feel guilty like I am having an affair.

I know that this situation with the other man is like a fantasy there are no kids, no bills, no laundry. NO reality whatsoever. What do I do? There are days I feel like I am leading 2 lives.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2007):

I still think some of you have no idea. I am personally not falling for another man because I don't want to "work" at my marriage. As I said previously, I worked at it (almost ALONE) for 19 years now, and got treated like CRAP TOO MUCH OF THE TIME. This man did and said things to me that made me feel like hell. It's not about boredom--it's about emotional abuse. Remember, I prayed for and forgave this man after he took off for more than a year without warning. I gave him another chance and have put my "all" into this for years. Although I will always see love him as a person, there is a time when I must move on with my life and find happiness with someone who is not so cruel and uncommunicative. At this point, I do not feel bad. I have prayed and made my peace with God. What you ladies must understand is that it takes TWO to have a good marriage. I think you are being judgmental on all who are tempted by an affair. We are only human. One can not be humiliated and pushed to the side for decades and not be expected to want to feel love again. There is a time to give up; for me that time is now as I have asked for a separation.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2007):

i know exactly how most of you feel. i have been married for 8 yeras and we have one child together. we were the typical highschool sweethearts...now i am falling for this man who i somewhat work with. we flirt it's fun...but now i am getting feelings for him. not sure what to do. want to "be" with him, but cannot hurt my family. my marriage is ok...event though we don;t have much us time andwe do our own things...somedays are good, others not so...so i am torn as well..

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A reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2007):

Im in the same position but I've never been unfaithful sexually but emotionally yes. Its just that in my husbands life me and my child are always second to the world. One gets tired of always feeling unimportant and overlooked. I stay with him for my son and the financial stability. You have to look out for yourself first and foremost. Happyness is important but it all has to be weighed out in the end.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2007):

Hello i'am in the same boat. I love my husband but i do have feelings for someone else, i feel horrible about it but some people said it is natural. i have been married for 10 years together 13 years. The guy that i have feelings for is a co-worker and he has feelings for me too. i have 2 girls and a home. I really do not know what to do it is hard when you see the person everyday at work. I can not get him out of my mine. I have thought about a affair with this person. I just can not bring myself to do it though. I feel like i have known him my whole life.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2007):

i too am in the same positon... i have been in a relationship for 4 years and are close to getting married. but for the past month me and my bf havent been meeting due to work from both sides. i started hanging out with my best friend she introduced me to her male best friend. which at first tought he was just a cool nice guy but as time passes i cant stop thinking about him :( we just clicked he gives me butterflies.

what the hell can i do i mean i love my bf and he is special to me but i cnt stop thinking about the other guy.

p.s its affecting our sex life my libido has gone below 0 i mean it started before meeting the new guy. whats wrong with me

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2007):

I am in a simliar situation. I married young and too quickly, within 9 months of meeting this person. I thought I was so in love at the time and also was pregnant. I miscarried, but decided to go through with the marriage.

We have been married for 17 years and have 3 beautiful children. In the beginning things were fine, felt truly in love and handled the quick temper fairly well. As time progresses and my husbands respect for my career, my thoughts, our finances, his own unhappiness, lack of interest to create a will or have life insurance to protect us if anything should happen to him. He disengages anytime I try to have a serious conversation regarding finances or sex. I cringe when we have sex to the point where I just do it to get it over with, there is no enjoyment here and I feel like punching him during sex. If I disagree with him or do something differently even to the point of planting flowers wrong, he gets angry, yells and stomps off. This is a roller coaster as some days are fine, others are like walking on egg shells.

I know deep down somewhere I still love him. But, I am tired of feeling like crap, my self-esteem ripped out of me, feeling so alone. I feel no love in my house when it comes to us as a couple. He can be a good father on occassion, but generally is selfish and puts his desires and even plans before the kids.

I have considered on more than one occassion especially when things were bad and force "Yes, folks, you can feel raped by your husband on occassion" were used because I wasn't ready after having a baby." Even the yelling, the lack of communication, there is so much here that has wanted me to walk out the door. Faith in God and the committment I made before the alter has kept me where I am. However; over time, with everything else, my faith has dimminished as I am simply worn out.

There is so much hurt, resentment and feelings that I have been trying to rid myself but can't. I brought up conseling and my feelings and stated I want to fix our marriage, but he just said, "I'm not wasting my money on counseling". Another thing folks, I'm the flipping bread winner. Makes jokes about the fact that I'm not happy and think things are bad.

Now that you have some background. To add to this post, I met someone (A co-worker) and fell instantly in love. I know I wasn't supposed to as I was "married" so we were just friends and stated that I was married and would never consider doing anything but that. However; as I got to know this person, I couldn't deny the fact I loved him and him me, we have a connection I have never felt with my husband. We talk about everything, even things I could never talk about with my husband. I love him so much and we had an affair, never thought I could do that, but I ended up initiating it, don't even know how. I kissed him first and slept with him, I was domineering. He respected my marriage and has let me have the control here. Since then we have talked through things we could do to be together, but thinks I should try to repair my marriage first. He also worries about the safety of my children and myself and has even made suggestions on how to leave when the time comes I do it to protect us.

So, please don't ever judge one having an affair, I used to think differently as I would never expect to have one. I don't encourage them as there is a lot of emtional pain that goes with it.

I have chosen to end the affair because I love that man that much and want him to move on because I am not ready to completely give up on my marriage yet. I also know that I am not scared if I left my husband that my feelings would be different for the man I had an affair with, he is the real deal. I truly found a soal-mate with him and will carry him with me to my dying day or to a point in time we can be together.

So, I can't offer advise, but make sure to think things through with your mind, not your heart alone. Try to bring the faith back into your life for real. I really think time will tell for all of us. If you give or have gived the situation mutiple tries to fix it, then at some point, you are just dying staying there.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2007):

I too am married, but can't stop thinking of an ex co-worker that I got close to before I left...I do love my husband, but haven't felt 'in love' in ages, and I feel horribly guilty. We bicker a lot, have two daughters that take up most of our time and energy, and I'm tired of being talked to like crap. I know the attraction factor with other man is because there's no ties, no responsibilities, etc. - but I speak to him on the phone from time to time, and feel guilty about how good I feel after hanging up...I only feel close to him because we kissed once (I know, so bad), and now we are slightly flirty when we talk. I feel numb at home, and this isn't helping!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2006):

I have a different point of view. I am in the same position. I have been married for 18 years. My husband left me once when we were married for 5 years. He visited my son, but did not speak to me for a year. I was/am a devout Christian. I prayed for him and waited for him, and after almost 15 months, we started "dating" again, went to marital counseling, and got back together. We have one teenager. After years of his complacency and emotional abuse, I have fallen out of love with him and do not feel I can trust my heart to him. I have also fallen for someone else who treats me better than my husband ever did. I am torn--between the financial stability of the marriage and the stability for our child...and this man who I love and who loves me and makes me happy in return. I have asked for a separation from my husband, but he is saying he doesn't want it. But I know he can not help but return to his same emotionally abusive pattern.

Needless to say, I am much less judgmental about affairs than I was in the past. Here I am, a devout Christian woman...never thought I would be in this position. 18 years of one-sided work at a marriage!! But I am actually considering an affair rather than tear the marriage apart and hurt my child.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2006):

I am in the same exact situation. I have thought things through and ther are so many things about my husband that are worth me NOT going throgh with these feelings. I just started to think that if I were to have an affair, would this other man be there for me the way my husband is? I don't think so. It seems to me it is purely sexual. I have more tied up in my marriage than I do with this man. Think about it before you do anything.

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A reader, becky05 +, writes (2 July 2005):

You MUST forget and break off all contact with this other man. When you made the choice to get married you chose to forsake all others. Think about it.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2005):

I agree with other reader's advice...but I have to ask. Are you bored? Can I assume that. If so, I am always amazed at how people do this. They marry, they get bored and look for other avenues to fill up their needs & desires. I personally, think that is selfish and very disturbing how this trend keeps happening. I feel so badly for your husband. Sounds like he deserves a woman who loves, him, respects him and is totally honest with him. Make the clear cut choice...it's either hubby or this other guy. Can't have them both. Marriage is sacred...it's a lifetime commitment-it's one on one. You can build on what you have with hubby, work hard, and keep your family together. It will take time and perhaps some marriage counseling, but it can be done. Or...you can continue to have feelings for this other guy-and do nothing. Inevitably, hubby & family (if you have kids)will get hurt because it will be just a matter of time when you will "act out" your feelings (if you haven't already) for this guy and your marriage will be destroyed anyways. It's your call. If you want your marriage to work...you are the only person that can control your destiny. It takes strength, it takes morals, it takes perseverence but it can be done.

One final thought. Theoretically speaking-If you and this other guy have an affair...ask yourself...just what type of man is he? That he would disrespect another man's marriage. Honorable, good men do not mess with another man's marriage...plain and simple. And honorable, loving women do NOT forsake their marriage vows because they are bored- and want some outside action. No one has ever claimed that marriage is easy...it's not. It's darn hard work! Find out why YOU are feeling this way. The love for your hubby has to come from YOU. YOU need to work at this and YOU need to to be upfront with your husband. He's committed himself to YOU..It's the least you can do for him. He truley deserves it.

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A reader, Rebecca Batchelor +, writes (24 June 2005):

Rebecca Batchelor agony auntYou say you want to love your husband. Does this mean you have fallen out of love with him? Is this because you have feelings for another man?

If you really want to keep your marriage, you will have to work at it and have absolutely nothing to do with this other man. Invest all your time and energy in making your marriage work.

The way to do this would be to discuss with your husband things that may have gone wrong within your relationship and ways and means of correcting it. Perhaps you need to spend more quality time together, perhaps you have to go back to the way you both were when you first met and to reignite the passion, date each other. Go out for meals, go to the cinema, find new things to do together. Remind yourself of what you thought of him when you first met.

Couples counselling might help to get you on the right track.

In the meantime, it would be essential for you to ignore these feelings you have for the other man. Try to block the thoughts from your mind and talk instad with your husband to find ways of enjoying together again.

Good luck.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2005):

The little things will always pop up like 'god i like him'or 'he nice looking' .But you're married you have a whole life with this man. It's obvious that you're going to like other people, it's the way of the world.

But as long as you love him so then thinking others are nice is no problem at all.If your husband thinks or gets worried about you liking others then turn around and say 'look i can like others just as you can but im with you no one else and thats all that matters'.everyone will think in a stage of their life that someone else is nice and they cnt stop thinkin about them but you have a husband that you love no need to worry.May be try new things with your husband to get back to thinking about him :)..luv franxx

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