A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My BF knows the passcode on my iphone.. I don't really need to hide anything from him so for me is ok if he just grab my phone. But he has his own phone and I don't have access to his passcode.. I feel it's not right. I did talk about this in the past and his answer was it is because I was nosy with his stuff.. Well., need help how to address this right now. Thanks!! Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2015): his attitude is the problem.mr secretive will probably go OTT when he discovers you have a right to phone privacy too.
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (10 July 2015):
 I agree -- change your own passcode. Would you expect to be able to rifle through his wallet when he's not around, and vice versa? Smartphones have information that is very personal and sensitive, especially now with ipay becoming more prominent. You would never give your ATM pin to someone, and a cell phone's lock should be the same importance and secrecy.
Giving away your phone code isn't some trust test, and I am very anti-snooping to begin with. I personally wouldn't give my codes to anyone who wasn't my husband, and as he knows my phone code and I know his, there has never been a time I got into his phone to dig around on it.
Always lock your phone. Never give out passwords or pin numbers. You are the gatekeeper to your personal and financial information, and becoming part of a couple doesn't entitle the loss of privacy, nor is being private an automatic cause for justified suspicion.
If you don't trust him, then leave him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2015): hi short and simple answer if you are in a happy and trusting relationship no you don't need to know each others passscodes
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (10 July 2015):
 I agree with change your password.
YOU both have right to privacy. And hopefully you can BOTH trust each other to BEHAVE like decent people.
Once you have changed it, he might ask you why - so I'd be blunt and say IF you can have your phone privacy, so can I. IF he wants to go through yours, you should be able to go through his... However....
NEITHER of you have "more" right to go through each other's phones. I really don't understand relationships where people think they have this "right" or even have that need. I just don't get it. People don't ready a personal diary, phones these days are WAY more personal than most diaries used to be.
My husband and I have passwords on our phones, it's the same on both devices. He can use mine (if his isn't charged and vice verse) Since my hubby has "unlimited text and talk" I use his phone for longer phonecalls, we have nothing to hide. BUT I don't go through what's on his phone. IF I borrow it, I USE it (as it's to be used) to CALL someone. Not to snoop or pry.
Where is the respect for each other in that?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2015): Change your password.
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A
female
reader, like I see it +, writes (10 July 2015):
 This may not be what you want to hear, but there is nothing that obligates him to give you his passcode. You don't say how long you have been dating, but given that you are not legally committed to one another, there are MANY non-incriminating aspects of his life he may reasonably wish to keep private. Financial information, his health or family members' health issues, potentially confidential work correspondence depending on the nature of his job... these are just a few of the possibilities.
This absolutely goes both ways, so if the inequity bothers you, change your own passcode to level the playing field. But the better question here is why you don't trust him without access to his passcode and what the two of you are doing as a couple to work on this trust issue. Start with that.
Hope this helps. Good luck and best wishes!
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