A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Ok... how do i start this off... i have been with my girlfriend for almost 3 years... our anniversary is coming up real soon (less then 2 weeks)... and i dont know what to do anymore... i feel as if she has gone into this fantasy she has had since she was little of the perfect man and relationship... and it's honestly been driving me crazy... we fight constantly and when we dont we can go only a week of good times before we are back in the dirt again... she has a way of making me feel like i am always the wrong one and that i'm horrible and that i dont deserve her... yes i mess up and am forgetful at times but she makes me feel like i have severed every one of her nerves and that i keep stabbing her heart (as she describes)... what makes it worst is that sometimes i dont see as what happened as that much of a problem that has to be deciphered to the point where i'm tearing my hair off... i'm more laid back and when a problem (in general) occurs... i try to solve it as quickly and painlessly resolve it... if it's a problem that i know will lead me and her in circles until i just give in for the sake of not arguing anymore i prefure to squash it and say "ok something happened and we both dot agree, lets just settle it now and look at the big picture, we love each other and should be happy' (i usually would follow with sweet things to say but she claims what i'm doing is brushing things under the rug and not solving anything... and that usually makes an even bigger argument and she tells me that i just dont want to deal with the problem and dont care much for it... in a way... i can say i just get so frustrated with it to the point where it comes down to it, i just dont have the energy to sit and talk for hours about it = /... aside from that i just dont know anymore... in a way i know i still feel so deeply for her but on the other hand she is driving me insane... it doesnt help either that she cant get over the things i have did before to loose her trust... and yes that is my fault and i have multiple times told her that i am sorry and in no way the intentions i had were to hurt her... if anything the main things that made me lose her trust were lying about things in order to not hurt her (weather it was hanging out with someone she doesnt like, taking some time off for myself and watching t.v. or working on my own stuff, or just over all having to lie about time it took to do something) she gets so paranoid that if i take some extra time to call her back that i am up to no good.... and there is no way to prove it to her either because it's not like i have a camara strapped to my head that automatically streams videos of me to her computer (what a great trust gaining invention that would be, just like a chastity belt -_-)... i honestly also cant stand it when she says i do nothing for her whene i buy her flowers almost AT LEAST 4 times a month and have done so many other deeds such as being sweet to her and visiting her twice a day and never having a day pass without calling her... if i miss two days of seeing her she tells me that we dont spend enough time together and that leads to another argument... there is honestly a novel i can write about everything but her it is... finallly after the stuff i feel you guys should know before judging...what should i do? i'm in the middle of wanting to break up but then not wanting to break up because i feel it would be a big mistake... i can say i still love her... but i cant deal much longer with this anymore... i cant tell her about these things because she would find a way to make me feel extremly guilty and it would cause turmoil for a week... i cant handle that much more... also she (in my opinion) isnt as open to things as much as i am and that is a big issue to me... i feel as if she doesnt want to budge from what is comfortable with her... and if i make her and she dislikes it, it becomes a problem and she throws me an attitude (and i hate hate hate when she does that) me and her have shared many beautiful moments in this relationship but i dont know if this is what i want anymore and dont want to drag her along anymore if this is gonna keep hurting me and her both... am i the wrong one and should reconsider changing things about myself? am i the one that is fucking things up? i feel as if i have lost my self judgment = [... i am young (19) and dont think i should be feeling like this at this age... really need help... especially since i have to make a decision between going to a collage that i promised a year ago to go with her or go with a collage that i feel benefits me more in the career i want (we had a huge fight when i mentioned to her i dont want to go to a collage with her because i felt like it wasnt what i wanted)... please anyone... help me cause i dont want to be stuck like this and doubting and hurting from guilt but still being hurt in this = [
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female
reader, Cherry_Blossom99  +, writes (19 May 2010):
 Dont' put off finishing things just so you get to the anniversary - trust me it's better to break it off before than to let her think you're enjoying a great anniversary of your relationship and love when you're not very happy! x
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhey... thank you all so far for hearing me out and giving me your perspective... one thing i mentioned is that our anniversary soon... it would be the worst thing ever to break up just 2 weeks before our anniversary... that is if i can get my self to break up with her... i'm still pretty jumbled up... this is day 1 after this and already so far shes heated and throwing me an attitude = /... i couldn't sleep much last night because of thinking and overslept so now she's angry at me about that = /... i really hope this doesn't lead to a big fight = [
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2010): Leave her. Be firm and tell her she does not deserve you. You are doing a lot more than most guys to please your gf, and she wants more! You need a gf who gives you space to breathe and live; you don't need a spy-cam on your head.
If you don't leave her, she will never improve. Do her and yourself a favor; separate soon.
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A
female
reader, Cherry_Blossom99 +, writes (18 May 2010):
I am so sorry to read this and honestly it has made me cry. Me and my partner have just broken up because I was the one that was like you girlfriend. It sounds like it's been written abotu us it is that similar. My advice to you would be to finish the relationship. as you say you are too young ot be worrying and in a relationship like this and i know its horrible but the only way to make her see and to change her ways is to leave her. she needs to realise how much you do for her, and how much you love her and how much she doesnt do for you and how she treats you. Some things just run their time, no matter how heart broken both parties are. x
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A
female
reader, trayt  +, writes (18 May 2010):
you need to take some time out and assess how it is you really feel about this girl and once you have done that then you need to be honest with her without it turning into a row... if you keep going the way you are the two of you will only resent eachother becuse you will be unhappy... some times a bit of time is all that is needed to make us see clear again ... but for the two of you to be happy you both need to be happy within yourself first .....
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