A
female
age
36-40,
*ixieGwen
writes:I've known this guy for 4-5 yrs.We've fooled around on and off the whole time.I got married and during that time that guy told me he loved me etc.I got divorced (not cos of him though).We fooled around for awhile and disappeared - everytime it seems things r going well/gettin closer he disappears(I wrote him an angry email bout how im tired of this roller coaster relationship/broke my heart etc).I got over the idea of ever being w/ him - as a gf.We ended up talking/gettin in good terms recently and ended up sleeping together.It was great and a cpl days later he said it was a mistake and he didnt want to come off as an a**hole. I asked him previously why we've never dated/been a couple and he said he wasnt sure why we havent.I dont know why he tells me he loves me etc..if its just sex. I told him its okay if its just sex..- quit being retarded and enjoy it for what it is (I was cool w/ it just being sex - sexually our chem is through the roof). He makes things feel "couple-y".The I love yous, the cuddling, wanting me to stay over etc..But puts his guard up, disappears and eventually comes back to me and the process repeats itself.It's like we've had a faux - difficult relationship.Why does he do this?.I just wish we could hang out w/ out him disappearing I'm also curious as to why we've never dated..I just want opinions cos it's crossed my mind is all.
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male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (1 December 2009):
 Possibly he throws in the "I love yous" because he thinks that's what you want to hear (as many women do), but does he really mean it? I think not, and he just says that to get the sex. He may certainly care a great deal about you, like you and all that, but without commitment and monogamy, it's not sincere love. I agree with you, however, that he just muddles up the sheets when he says that. Thus, to him, it's really just playing a game for sex.
A
female
reader, PixieGwen +, writes (1 December 2009):
PixieGwen is verified as being by the original poster of the question im not complaining its just sex.. i just think he should not throw the i love yous in there etc...and he also freaks out after we have sex..feeling bad..or being weird.
who feels bad for having sex w/ someone..if its just sex? thats what i find weird - his behavior is odd.
thanks for the responses. :)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2009): Seriously... anytime a dude has sex with some1 and doesn't get with the girl, he just sees you as a sex-machine. No matter what anyone says, he's just in for the sex. Forget about him
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A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (1 December 2009):
It's just sex.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2009): So he wants all the benefits of being your official BF but without making it official. What's the big mystery here? He doesn't sound any different from millions of other people out there who are unwilling to commit to someone.
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A
female
reader, AskJenna  +, writes (1 December 2009):
 This sounds to me like a man who wants to please you, and yet he has no idea what he wants himself.
he sounds like a very nice guy (a little mixed up)
he gets so caught up in the fantasy of a relationship and things that he tells you what you want to hear or what he thinks you want to hear.
I.E "the I love you's"
he likes to please you he likes to romance you he wants the fantasy the romance,I think he does like you he but I also think he is more in love with the idea of being in love.
And after he has let you down he feels bad again so it starts all over again.
You yourself need to be the strong one in this and you need to set some boundries.
so that you both know where you stand in this.
ask yourself why you love this man all the good things about him that makes you love him.
does he make you smile after you have left him for a few hours.
He seem's to be trying so hard to be so many different people all at once, stop take a step back and look at it from and outside point of view.
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