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male
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*arky
writes: i have been with my partner for 4 years the trouble i dont know what the relationship is! all we do is have sex, i dont know his freinds or family nor he mine. i love him but dont know if he feels the same do i stay with him and carry on as we are or do i tell him how i feel and risk loosing him? what do i do? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, nadine hillside +, writes (27 May 2006):
 Dear Reader,
It might be a good idea to tell him how you feel i know you have spoken of the fact you don't want him to leave but if he does really love you he will come to terms with it and understand.
When you have a relationship it shouldn't just be based on sex you need to do more than that together why not say to him 'instead of having sex tonight why don't we go to a resturant or the cinema's'. You need to tell your boyfriend you're not a sex object but don't might having it occasionally.
hope evrything works out. Good luck.
Nadine
xXx xxxx
A
female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (21 May 2006):
 If the relationship consists only of sex that leaves you feeling as if there should be more to it, and then you "lose him", then all you've lost is a lot of unfulfilling sex, right? Heck, you could pick up any guy in any bar in any country and have unfulfilling sex!
I'd say it's time to talk seriously with your BF. Lay your cards on the table and ask him if he ever feels like he wants more from your relationship. If he does, HURRAH. You have someplace to start working. If not, and you're not happy with it, then please do yourself a favour and leave!
As long as you involved with someone who isn't making you happy, and whilstever he has no desire to improve things, you're keeping yourself from finding someone who might be capable of making you much more happy.
So don't worry about the relationship ending if you speak to him about it. If that's all you've got, and if the relationship is so fragile that just talking about wanting More is a threat, then it's no relationship at all.
Sorry to be so blunt, but there it is.
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A
female
reader, Phoebe Halliwell  +, writes (20 May 2006):
 Dear Reader,
normally in your kind of situation I would advise talking about everything you have mentioned above to your partner. However, you have come up with the very reasonable point of you not wanting to loose him. Does he ever do romantic gestures such as buying roses? Or does all he want to do is race up stairs and see who can un-dress the fastest?
A relationship should be more than Sex. It should be you feeling deep love, not lust, love for each other and having that deep connection (like a bond) between just the two of you. Why don't you try an get both of your parents round for dinner? Maybe ask him if he thinks you're both at the "meet the parents" stage of your relationship. Say you want to get to know them.
Has he ever spoken about his parents or childhood before? Maybe he feels un-comfortable talking about his parents because of something that has happened in the past? Could there be a chance that he doesn't want to risk his family not liking you (not that they would not like you)and then they might tell him to finish it? Possibly, he might nt want to loose you by feeling he is not good enough for you and your family might not approve of him? There are many questions and many answers in this situation. Before seeking an answer, you must find the right question ...
Good Luck, All The Best and Blessed Be,
Phoebe
xxx
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A
female
reader, bonym +, writes (20 May 2006):
 My friend, how can a relationship possibly survive when all it is about is sex? Sex is not the be all and end all in a relationship, I mean of course, intimacy is highly important in a relationship and I would be just as shocked if you said that there was NO sex in the relationship, but in your case, if all you do is have sex, it seems to me that the relationship is purely about lust and desire and not relationship. Part of relationship is intimacy but it also invloves sharing and spending time together, laughing, getting to know each other, having meals together, doing stuff together besides having sex. If you both truly love each other and want more out of the relationship, you cant go on like this. When your desire fails, then what will happen to the relationship? You need to be a couple and not mere sex partners. xXx
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