A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:advice please, i have been married for 15 years and have 3 daughters ,myself and husband dont really do much together and our sex life diminished,we argued all the time and he refused to go to counselling,it has been like this for about 3 years or more,he never told me he loved me during this time.I found out last year he had been having an affair for a few months with someone he knew from before we were married.Our problems were there before the affair but are now a million times worse.He told me he didnt love me but wanted to stay to be with the girls,i wanted him to stay because i love him but only if he had no contact with the other woman at all,she was pregnant to him and i agreed he could still stay,i know he loved her but he loved his children more and agreed he would have no contact with her or the baby.My daughters and myself are suffering because of what he has done and he says to me it was a mistake now that he looks back.I insisted a Dna test was done and it has come back as the baby boy being his.I know they have been in contact with each other over the baby and he has told her he wants nothing to do with her or the baby as he and I are trying to rebuild our family.I know he only wants to be with his children and stay in his home.Are we going to make it? or is it just a matter of time before it crumbles completely?
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female
reader, OHMERN +, writes (16 September 2008):
I definitely think you and your husband should go to a professional for counseling. I believe people can make mistakes and are truly sorry, but an affair is so painful to the partner who was cheated on. I think you need help sorting out your feelings and to get over the pain. I think he needs help as well. He can't just be in the relationship because of the kids, you two need to be a couple again. If you and he can get your relationship back on track you will be better parents to the little ones and better partners to each other. If he really wants to get past the affair he should agree to go seek counseling with you. Good luck to you both.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2008): ...could well be over if you don't at least give counselling a try. Think I need this myself: two small children, came on to a married woman at work (who turned me down). No real affection between myself and the children's mother at the moment. Hopefully just a phase. This other woman is in my thoughts all the time and is sapping all my energy. Good luck with your issue - I'll let the agony aunts out there try to remedy for you on this web-site!
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