A
female
age
51-59,
*ellyhenry
writes:My husband and I have been married for 14 years and for the second time we have hit a rough patch. When this happens he becomes glued to naked pictures of girls online. He even goes so far as to masterbate to them. We have recently talked and are working things out. I have told him how I feels about what he does, but he does it anyway. He says it is his and he can do what he wants with it. It really pisses me off that he cares so little about my feelings. I honestly don't think it would bother me as much if our marriage was stronger. Not sure what to do or think.
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male
reader, downonmyluck +, writes (15 June 2012):
hi, to give you some type of answer here from a man's perspective.. I understand your feelings here & maybe things will get better for you. But I think you seriously need to look at this from your husbands point of view too. I'm married & have done the same thing as he's doing. Have read not too long ago that a man can & should masturbate w/o looking at porn. I've done both, but think that the looking at porn does a better job. But from beyond that, is there something wrong with your relationship that he feels the need to do this? I see where he's coming from. I have problems right now too, but mine is due to a medical condition with the wife.Although before this, she had become un interested in sex. More than likely he probably needs to do this only because you're not giving him what he needs sexually.
A
female
reader, Candycane1234  +, writes (13 June 2012):
 Most of my boyfriends have not understood my hurt about their porn use, and tried to get their own way, for some reason they don't think they are doing anything wrong.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (13 June 2012):
 What you've REALLY described is an "arrangement" where YOU are second-fiddle in this man's life.... to PORN images...
You say you've made him aware of how it makes you feel... NOW you have to make it clear to him that being SECOND is something that you have no intention of enduring..... In other words.....
You have to tell him that this "porn thing" will, ultimately, push you away from him completely.... and THAT will be the end of this marriage.....
Good luck....
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A
male
reader, Discovery +, writes (13 June 2012):
Can totally understand you being hurt by it. If it makes things any better, I strongly suspect his intent is not to hurt you and he probably doesn't even fully realize he is. I think he is just quite confused and withdrew into his own world for emotional protection as he sees best. Trying to shut something out is a lot easier than figuring it out - at least in the short term. You two will need to bring things back to a better level and then seriously discuss his method of dealing with relationship stress. I think that trying to make it a big issue now will only aggravate things instead of helping them.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (13 June 2012):
 Im so sorry you are going through this, it must be really frustrating not being able to get through to your husband and I am sure him not wanting to consider your feelings is a slap in the face.
I do think that because pornography has become so prevalent and easily accessible that men see it as a normal part of daily life, whether they are married, in a relationship or not!! I do think it builds up unobtainable fantasies in their minds and higher expectations, so often when they look at their own partner, they begin to find fault and almost turn themselves off of whom they once loved and found sexually desirable.
We all change over time, we all age, having kids can alter our bodies but these porn girls display a perfect air brushed image and men (some)do feel attracted to them...I think this is the trap your partner is in.
Most men are not good at verbally expressing their problems, they withdraw into their own world and if Miss pornstar is in that world with them, they can shut out the real world...the world you are in.
Not making assumptions here but you said you wished your marriage were stronger...so are there other issues?
Sometimes people need a short sharp shock, to open their eyes and see the damage they are doing. Is it possible for you to move out for a while or to ask him to go for a while. I know that's a scary prospect but it might make him see that what he is doing is seriously affecting your home life and so you have been forced to act to shake him out of his fantasy world.
I know some women who face the same thing when their partners get addicted to gaming...it seriously causes massive problems and women (and men) are entitled to take some action to change things.
He will only see what damage he is doing when he sees his family physically breaking apart as a direct result of his selfishness.
Please let us know how you get on, and how you tackle this...
Untackled...it will just get worse and worse!!
xxxxx
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