A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:okay, i have known a guy online 2 years now. we were even 'together' for a few months before i said i wasnt comfortable until we met.. he lost his internet connection for almost a year but we still managed by sending emails each day. now he has his internet at home back we are talking for long hours online.. even though i am curently in a long distance relationship with a guy i met on holiday 8months ago. The guy online is 3 years older than me and a university student. we plan to meet soon but i dont know what to do about the 2 of them. im feeling more (i think) for the guy online.. do i risk my relationship with my boyfriend to be with the guy online? im just so confused.. help pls?
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male
reader, Yos  +, writes (26 January 2008):
 By 'sexually-charged' I mean that there is flirtation between you, and, on some level (maybe not said directly), the recognition of attraction and the possibility of sex. By the way you described things it sounds as if this is the case. Especially since you two have 'been together' in the past. Only you know if the conversations you are having with this guy are innocent. But there's an easy way to test it...Ask yourself this: if your boyfriend was to see the log of all the messages between you and this guy, how would he react? If you think he'd be upset, then you're not being honest or fair to him.But if there's only friendly stuff with no flirting or strong intimacy then you're in the clear. Then your boyfriend would read it and think 'hey no problem'. But I'm guessing this isn't the case.Either way, the rest of what I wrote still stands.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2008): im not with the guy online :S we are just talking. how do you mean sexually charged?in what sense? and when me and the guy online were ''together'' i wasnt with my current boyfriend.
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A
male
reader, Dr Vendetta +, writes (26 January 2008):
 stop meeting weird guys online.long distance relationships and internet dating doesn't work.try real world dating.
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A
male
reader, Yos +, writes (26 January 2008):
When you meet someone online you know almost nothing about them. However much you feel intimately connected to them through emails and similar, in reality you hardly know them. Only by spending time with them can true intimacy be had.What happens in situations like yours is your wishful thinking starts filling in all the blanks. Your imagination sketches out great things about your online boyfriend based on the little you do know. The result: you have an image in your head of someone who really is hardly like the real guy.That doesn't mean you wouldn't work out as a couple. You might do great. All it means is don't think you've fallen in love with a real person. You've fallen in love (or are falling in love) with 10% a real person and 90% your fantasy image of how you'd like him to be. Inevitably he'll be very different once you actually get to know him in person.On another note, if you have a boyfriend, what are you doing having an online relationship with another man that is clearly sexually-charged? That's not ok, it's cheating, and you're being unfaithful. You owe it to your boyfriend to either cut off all contact with this online guy, or break up with your boyfriend.
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