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On husband's laptop found 5 messages written to different women! What do I do?

Tagged as: Cheating, Marriage problems<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (28 May 2011) 3 Answers - (Newest, 28 May 2011)
A female United States age 41-50, anonymous writes:

I Need Hlp Plz Don't Know what to do=(,,,,

I've been married for almost 7 years I've been with mu husband for 11 Years.well I've been through so so much with him and put up with a lot from his family causing problems to getting involved in our marriage and so on..... been through a lot let's just say! Well yesterday I want on my husband laptop to get on fb so I clicked on fb icon and my husband fb account pops up it was not logout. So I click on messages and he has like five messages he sent to different women!I'm Like Freakin out I couldn't believe It!!!! He was like telling one girl oh ur sexy very sexy. Another one oh looking good: another one he. Asked her if she was married!another one asking her where she lives and when she replied back that she lives over seas he goes awaw to bad I would loved to get to know u and. Meet u!!!!I'm like u got to be kiddin me he's older then me I just turned 29 and he's 42 I'm a nurse I'm from a very good family I don't drink smoke do drugs I'm from Jordan I'm christian. On top of that I have two sweet lil girls which I went through so much to give birth to especially my youngest I'm almost lost my life!!! I do everything clean cook u name it!!!!I've been suspecting for awhile now that something is going on! He even has his phone locked!I mean I can tell all of u stories after stories about what I've been through! Plz Plz Help me!I've always been a good wife to him and take care of him and his family!just everything I don't know what to do!I know that he's been getting into drugs! Anyways plz help

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A female reader, Basschick Australia +, writes (28 May 2011):

Basschick agony auntYou either confront him, or continue to spy on him privately, or develop your own bad-girl side. Maybe he's just bored but he'd never go through with anything. It's hard to say. Generally men like this, get in over their head when their casual flirting turns into a real live offer. Very few can say no. You sound like a really nice lady....maybe too nice. He sees you as a doormat. Maybe you need to quit being so good all the time. He no longer sees you as a sexual conquest. You're predictable. You're safe. Is it time to change your image and keep him guessing? How about dying your hair, or getting a small tattoo. Why should you always be so good, when we all know men love women who have a few secrets of their own and keep them guessing!

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland +, writes (28 May 2011):

aunt honesty agony auntYou sound like a good person and someone who doesnt deserve this, I just dont know why you are putting up with this. You say you think he might be in to drugs? He is your husband and if you are questioning him over something like this well then it is obvious you dont know him very much at all. He obviously feels that he can walk all over you and has no respect for you or else he wouldnt be messaging these other woman at all. I dont know to be honest which way you should approach him over this subject. But you really do need to address the problem. Do you think he is having an affair? I think you need to talk to someone about this, have you any close friends or family you can confide in and ask for advice?

I think the best thing that you can do is to confront him and tell him what you found and tell him he needs to start earning your trust back and treating you with respect or else you are leaving him. Give him a warning and see if he changes and works hard, if not well then take your two daughters and start a life somewhere away from him you deserve better. Goodluck.

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A female reader, michelle101 India +, writes (28 May 2011):

the same thing has happened with me and when i confronted him, he blamed me for spying on him. hes telling me that he'l leave me cuz i m spying on him...doesnt mk sense right. i want 2 leave him bt i am in love with him madly. its alwayz me who begs him not 2 leave me. i feel like a complete loser and my life sucks biiiig time...all d best b calm n confront him dun shout n all u b right on ur side. if he shouts back and throws tantrums then go away frm him for a while...maybe he'l understand ur value cuz men dont understand the true value of their wives when dey get everything from dem easily. i hope it works. take care...

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