A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:hi i found some xxxx rated photos of my partner and his ex girlfriend i told him and he deleted them but he has 2 more copies that i know of i did ask him and he said he didnt have anymore it was such a long time ago the photos but i still feel upset and i know that he has more copies he dont know that i know and im not sure if he has forgotton about the other copies i just dont know what to do he loves looking t the porn sites on the net and in no way has he hidden that im just very confused at the moment
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ex girlfriend, his ex, porn, the internet Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2007): poor you i sympathise wholeheartedly.my long ago ex lied to me and hid dirty movies hed made with his ex and swore blind that hed got rid of them.i found them months later and we had a blazing row.he turned out to be the biggest pig ever.hence he the ex.anyway sounds like your fella needed some sort of insurance policy that why he kept more copies in the first place.sounds just a tad sneaky to me.id deal with it by first telling him that he needs to destroy ALL of them. then if you find anymore you wont tolerate the 'i forgot'scenario.it also sounds like you are a little bit wary of rocking the applecart.honey its him that should be wary.he should be jumping through hoops to reassure you.although porn can become a problem for some people at least there images of strangers so there the element it not being personal.this goes way and above the limit.stick to your guns and good luck.
A
male
reader, kakaman  +, writes (22 March 2007):
I'm sorry you had to find those pictures. I can imagine how much it hurt to see them. It seems like you just had some bad luck in finding them. I think you should tell him about the other copies. He may or may not know about them but their presence will tear you apart emotionally. Ask him to get rid of them for you, or at least hide them where you will never run across them. It would probably make you feel better if they were deleted, but if you consider the situation from his side it would seem unfair. It is up to him to compromise. Try to keep an open mind about this situation. Aren't we all entitled to some privacy? You might have some things that remind you of past times that your boyfriend does not know about. You may have rings, pictures, and letters hidden somewhere that other partners have given you throughout your life. How would you feel about throwing them out because your boyfriend happened across them? Do the pictures themselves bother you or is it the fact that the pictures show something that really happpened? I guess the moral would be "Don't find private things." But what is done is done. I hope for your sake he gets rid of the pictures. Good Luck.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2007): If you don't 'nip this in the bud' with this guy, you may be setting yourself up for further resentment and could end up being a more unfulfilling, untrustworthy relationship with him, down the road. Either he lied to you by saying he got rid of them all or he did forget. Although, something tells me that any red-blooded guy doesn't just doesn't simply 'forget' he has XXX pics like this. I think he he knows he has them. He's smokescreening so he doesn't have to get rid of them all. And as said below, "why' doesn't he wat to get rid of them? It's time to be strong and set a serious relationship boundary here. Tell him you know he has copies and insist he get rid of 'all' the photos. Having photos like this is disrespectful to the committment he shares with you. Being a trustworthy, decent partner in one's relationship is how a good, healthy relationship is built. Never be afraid to tell him exactly what you think. And in my opinion. one's porn usage has never improved nor solidified a good relationship either. I wouldn't put up with it. If he's not willing to make some necessary adjustments to his life, out of respect for you and what he shares with you...then one should consider moving on to a more, mature, giving realtionship with someone else, in their future. Some guys never learn to be trustworthy nor do they bother to work at it. Ask yourself, if you need this grief, when you can do better? Make a decision that is best for you and learn to take a stand when someone you care about, doesn't take steps to show you, you are number one in his life. Believe in yourselfa and never be afraid to risk loss by being a strong woman of integrity. Good luck hun and I sincerely wish you the best.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2007): Point them out to him, if he doesn't know what you mean and ask him to get rid of them. Don't be afraid to let him know exactly how you feel. You don't want that sort of stuff spoiling your relationship, but it does happen in relationships. He should get rid of them straight away, if not, then get rid of him, simple!
Take care
xx
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2007): The good thing is that he is not hiding this from you. If I were you, I would tell him you have found the photos and ask him if he would mind if you got rid of them. He will likely let you chuck them out if he is decent. If he wants to keep them, I would seriously question 'Why?'.
Good luck
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