A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have been having an affair with someone for 3 years. I have two children aged 7 and 5. I am not in love with my wife any more. I want more than anything to live with the girl I am having the affair with because I am in love with her but I don't want to leave my kids.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2009): How do you live with yourself? 3 years huh? That's just remarkable you must be a pro by now. How many lies does that add up to in 3 years? All that betrayal and deceit!!! How disgusting!Maybe, had you prevented temptation 3 years ago and said NO you would still be in love with your wife, and be able to make love to her as a husband should.But no, that's right you were to occupied with romancing someone else for 3 years when you should have been putting forth that energy at home with your wife and kids.You have kids. Well whoopeee for them they have a great person a great father that they are following by example. Your teaching them that its okay to get married and take vows and later down the road get side tracked by temptation.Oh yeah that's okay kids. As a matter of fact its okay to hide and lie about it for 3 years too. Leaving your kids and spouse like fools.I have no sympathy for you. You selfishly put yourself in this situation. But even worse, you put your wife and kids in a situation they did not ask for. Just because you couldn't keep your penis in your pants.All this could have been prevented with a simple NO 3 YEARS AGO!!! You would then not have to asking for help due to your betrayal to your family.What goes around comes around. That goes for that other woman that "HOME WRECKER" that thinks she has a prize. What goes around comes around. "You don't want to Leave your kids." You should of thought about that 3years ago.Your Pathetic.I've never been married but I would never mess around with a married man. I've had married men approach me and I tell them where they can go. That's a big no no and why would I want someone like that. When I do get married I will never do this to my husband. If I fall out of love I will make sure to take the right steps as a mature adult and hope that he does the same.I pray for strength for your wife and kids.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2009): Get a life and learn what true love is. And it isn't lust which is what you have with your other woman. Why in the hell did you make a lifetime commitment to one woman and take up with another?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2009): I would say just leave her.
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A
female
reader, mayajohn  +, writes (10 February 2009):
i met him 6 months ago in a funeral and everything was great at first. Neither us planned for anything like that but things just happened. The time i met him again (6 mths ago) was after 16 years of our 1st met up with relatives.
I was just doing my things helping for others in the funeral and then he wouldnt stop staring at me and then things just happened like that. I was so stupid i didint even know or sense aything. and mind you, the time i talked to him again after 16yrs was the time he got the chance to sit next to him in the car to show him the way to pick up his wife and the kid. I was like just meeting an old friend and then things just start like that. He comes here more often for meet up and very interested in me.
We talk for hrs and hours everyday and support each other so much. I even asked him to treat his wife better and we both do care about our family.
then, he started to call at night before he sleeps and sometimes we talk until 3am. my relatives started to ask me about his relationship with his wife cos they know he and i talk a lot and nice to each other. then one day, without me asking he told me about the relationship of them.
he comes here more often an sometimes when i have business trip he would take me here and there even my aunts are there. it was like u know all the romantic things. msn, sms, phone calls.
we support each other and develope a very good relationship between us. sometimes he comes here to have dinner or lunch with me ( 2 hrs drive only). i think we never cheated on each other since we know what our situation is.
the thing is, he is a married man and like he mentioned to me before the only thing that made him not a good bf for me is that he is married but he made mistake. and of course i know he loves his kids.
A lot of time, i am crying myself and wake up in the middle os the night. I don;t even know how i can end up in this kind of relationship. i can't even concentrate in my work and my plan of own business. I have guys who are single and nice to me but then lately my mind is just not working right because of him.
I know i shouldn't be the 2nd woman and i never thought that i would. well, things just happened i guess. so i sometimes spent my time reading and think positive and sometimes i even read about buddhist to helped me gone thru hard time.
i know my future is gonna be good if i stop thinking too much about him or just say 'stop and bye'. but this man share things with me when we r together with relatives also. we laugh and cry and care about each other.
I told him few days ago that i am not gonna wait for him to get divorce because its too late for us(even thats not what i wanted). i have a very good man with me now who love me very much but i think it's hard when the feelings come to you so i am taking a break, a few days break to get some of my stuff for my business and hobby.
we don;t talk for a few days and i think it's a good time for us to think again. In my heart, i am worried about him and his family. I think that is love. When i need to talk to him but he is busy with work but still we keep contact. then i started to feel bad for the wife.
I know there is love between us. it's hard to explain and i am not someone who would get involve with other's ppl marriage.
I don't know if it's love but i think it is because when i know he is not happy and my heart just feel pain and then waht i want is that he to be safe and healthy. that's all. being with his wife or not i don't care.
he is the same. he knows who treat me nice and then he just go say 'hi' then walk away politely.
he told me he knows what he wants even it's a bit late.
i then told him yeah it's late.
i am actually miss him now but i won't do anything to trouble him or his family. it is very hard ...really. but i think i am doing the right thing.
I sometimes think life is too short then why not we just enjoy and be true to ourselves? i miss him so much now i don;t even know what to do. but i won't call him.
I am going for a vacation or business trip soon. I hope i can get a clearer mind and make sure i know what i am doing.
I am so tired but i miss the feelings and the love he shows me. Don't judge me because i am the one who experience that and know what i am doing.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2008): Thanks for the answers, they have helped.
To clarify, the reason I don't want to leave my kids is because I am worried about them hating me and what my wife will say to them if I do leave.
I am so in love with the girl I am having the affair with, and I have not had sex with my wife in over two years. My wife keeps asking me to go and see someone to see what my problem is..do you honestly think she does not know about what is going on and is trying to save face and save the marraige?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2008): By 'leaving your kids' I assume you mean that you worry that you will not see them again? Thing is you are still their Dad and you will have the chance to build up the time you are able to spend with them. It is important that you don't look at this in an 'all or nothing' mindset because it is that which is keeping you trapped. If I knew my parents did not love one another I would not want to be forced to see that every day. I know from others that watching parents stay together for the sake of it just creates terrible guilt in children. What I'm saying is you are in danger of making a bad situation a lot worse by staying with your wife. You have very strong feelings for this other woman you love? Its time to stop punishing yourself.
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female
reader, samsmommy  +, writes (30 December 2008):
 In your question it says you can't leave because of you're kids, but you're really not helping your children at all by staying, divorce is not always a bad decision. If you really love this girl you are cheating on your wife with, then you need to stop stringing your wife along(for 3 yrs!!) and tell her what's going on. And I don't know if you and your wife argue in front of your kids all of the time, or if you guys just don't talk at all, but either way, it's better for your children to see their mom and dad separated but happy as opposed to together and unhappy.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2008): Your in love with the woman you've been having an affair with for 3 years. That's a long time which proves you are infact over your wife but does your wife really know any of these details? I bet she doesn't and your only thinking bout yourself and your kids when really you should also be thinking bout the one woman who has stood by you through everything. She loves you or she'd have left you by now or at least told you. Sneaking around behind her back is out of order and it is about time you put your worries behind you and told her exactly how you felt. Reveal the affair she might hate you for a while but its better out in the open and tell her you aren't in love with her anymore and as for your children it'll do them more damage when you stay with someone who they love and you don't love and no doubt kids pick up on this especially when you argue and they'll discover your having an affair. Don't do it to either your wife or children or they will end up resenting you too along with your wife. Trust me.
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