| A
female
,
anonymous
writes: I've been with my boyfriend for 3 and a half years on and off, but some people are saying it won't work and I'm wasting my time. What do you think? My b/f is 23, I am 43, and we love each other very much. When we have split, we can't leave each other alone, we're addicted to each other. My b'f lies, spends lots on fruitmachines, has stolen from me, pawned my jewellery, is in debt quite a lot, but I know I can accept him like this. I am not an angel. I have flirted with other men in front of him, humiliated him, belittled him and laughed about him with my friends, but last time we split, he met a woman, and was away from me the longest. We saw each other behind her back because we still love one another. She went mad, and got really cross when he left her, so we are having her done for harrassment. My b/f has got a job, and says he'll keep this one, and although his parents hate me (he doesn't care and has cut them off), I think we can make this work. We can't be without each other. His mum has caused most of his behaviour probs with the way she brought him up, leaving him when he was young, but I can accept all this. I never cheat on him, even when we've split, although I've said that to get him back, cos he can't stand to think of me wiv anyone else. He always finds another girl, but then comes back to me. Last time, we even spoke in front of his woman. He was living wiv her but told me he was living at a mates, told me her car was his. Why can't people see that I know he lies, and I can live with this? How can I make people see??
View related questions:
debt, flirt Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2005): You never will make people understand because they likely are wondering why ..you...an intelligent, bright 43 year old woman would allow herself to continually be degraded and disrespected by this man. You are in a very dysfunctional relationship and I have to wonder why you "just accept" and love this man, even after he has stolen from you, even after he has lied to you. He has some serious immaturity/emotional issues. The fact that dysfunction even exists in your romantic relationship is a symptom that problems exist in your own life, with your inner self. You need to find some balance and harmony in your life but the first step is to: love yourself and find the self-confidence and strength to ask yourself..why are you accepting his lack of respect for you. Sounds like you are trying to fill the hole you feel inside of your self with something or someone who is needy-it does not work. I get the feeling there is Mother/child dynamic going on here. You are his lover and the relationship has to be more balanced...more equalized. He's like a wayward little boy who misbehaves and you just keep accepting him, loving him unconditionally ...like a mother would for her children. This is not healthy..you have to see that?
Aside from honesty, communication, and trust.. healthy, nurturing relationship involves mutual respect-taking the time to discover& enjoy what each person has to share and contribute to the relationship. Respecting one's partner means actively listening to what they say and need, and trying to understand their point of view. And he has to do the same for you. It appears he just keeps "taking" from you and you are recieving very little in return from him. Try to put more value on your self-worth as an individual and expect more respect& givingness from him.
I wish you well in the future and I hope you will someday, realize ...you DO deserve much better. You seem like a nice woman who's in a bad relationship that will go nowhere-unless he grows up and starts behaving like a responsible adult. As for his own issues in life..he is in control of his own destiny. He is in control of his own choices, thoughts and behaviours. Shifting the blame to his own Mother for all his problems in life..tells me he simply doesn't want to take responsibility for his own behaviours. That's a cop-out. We all have someone we can blame for our troubles in life...but as adults we stop doing this, because as we mature, we simply move ahead and make the clear cut choice to live a good, joyful life as an mature, responsible adult. We accept what happened in life and we learn from it..we continue to grow in a healthy way.
|
