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female
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*unda2100
writes: I've been married for 5 years.My husband is using heart medication - it was a very mild heart attack over a year ago which he has completely recovered from - yet is stuck on these heart meds for life now. But he uses this as his reason for not wanting sex and for being unable to use any sexual enhancing drugs. There once was a time when the sex was good and relatively often, but even years before the heart attack, it slowed right down. I go without being touched sometimes for 3 months at a time. I broke down and told him I cannot go on like this. He is 44 and I am 33. I have needs and I expect him to perform his husbandly duties. I have begged him to get help with this, with himself, but all I get thats remotely "intimate" is a peck (kiss) hello and good night. I feel so unloved, so unattractive and am beginning to become suspicious of him and all he does. I've even got to the stage now where I don't even want him touching me. Those kisses mean nothing. I've begun to hate him for this and am building brick walls between us. I don't notice a change from him in the bedroom. I broke down and it didn't make a difference. It seems just because he is not in the mood for love, means I must go without any part of it.My question is how much longer do I keep trying to work this out or is it hopeless? I am still young and refuse to accept that my sex life is over.He doesn't like reading books (I've tried that route), he doesn't ask anyone for help it seems. He makes no extra effort apart from doing extra house chores. I'd much rather live in a mess than go without sex!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2007): i'm in that situation too. Newly married and he said he doesn't know if he is attarcyed to me...although he said he knows that i am attractive (although i don't think i am)...i get really down about it...married nearly 2 years, have a baby now but have only had sex about once since he was born...now 10 months...am i really that bad!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2006): Tunda2100 , iknow this is a late posting and i hope you read it.I have been in the same position as you (married for 10yrs tho) and its at the point now where my husband is telling me to sleep with someone else or if i want him to he will divorce me.this however leaves me with two young kids and without the man i married which i thought would be forever.He refuses to get any counselling or involve anyone else(like his gp)for help.He will not compromise on this and its getting more upsetting as now he refuses to even hug me..
I just want you to know you are not alone you need to make a choice and yes if needed be a little bit selfish .I hope you find your path and can be happy.
xx
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2006): if he doesnt want ot have sex then ask himabout you buying a sex toy or sleeping with another male somtimes like thrice a week. well i tried that and am really satisfied. i sleep with his younger brother who is still not married and am really satisfied as i also have somewhat the some problem
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male
reader, maxsteel86  +, writes (10 July 2006):
 I hear medication can really screw things up in the bedroom. But if the problem was staring to show before the medication, then it could be just your husband. At 44, I'm pretty sure his parts are still working (couldn't think of a better way of saying it).
Tell him that unless he sorts himself out and seeks help, you'll have no choice but to leave him. 33 is too young to live without life's pleasures!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2006): Why don't you forward this to him and see what he says. If he simply brushes it aside, it's quite possible you should consider divorcing him and seek out a better suited companion.
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