A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:Hi, my bf and I have been together almost 3 years and we live together. Things are great but there is one thing that bugs me a lot. Sometimes when my bf is with his friends and they are all drinking he will always bring up a past sexual experience he had involving a guy, himself and a female. He goes into great detail about this threesome and he really bothers me and embarrasses me a lot. I tell him not to say it anymore, and I don't want to hear about it but he tells everyone anyway. It bugs me because it's like he's boasting about having a threesome with another guy and a girl that happen to be a model lookalike. It really shutters my self confidence as I have only had the one sexual partner and I don't feel I will ever be as good at his past sexual partners or one night stands. How do I get it into his head that it upsets me? I have already told him but he tells everyone anyway. It really hurts and bothers me as I am not a model sl*t who has threesomes with strangers. I'm so hurt and worried now and I'm too ashamed to show my body around him or even have sex anymore because I don't feel I am as sexy as his past female lovers. What do I do?
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confidence, one night stand, sexual past, threesome Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2006): I agree that it's very insensitive. It also shows a difference in moral values. My girlfriend regaled me with tales of her sexual exploits without me prompting her. I've only been with 2 girls and I still believe that sex should be something special. She's been with at least 10 guys and 1 girl (probably closer to 20 guys). She's even had a threesome with 2 guys. She finally realised how much her tales were hurting me and she's stopped now but I can't forget what she's told me and it disgusts me.
I've tried but I'm having difficulty getting over it. I sometimes wonder if I might be better off with someone who shares the same values as me. The same might be true for you. Love is the only thing keeping me in my relationship. You have to ask yourself if love is enough to keep you in yours?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2006): That's horrible and insensitive of him! My ex used to boast about the same thing he had threesomes with girls! It's really soul destroying to think of someone you adore behaving in such a way. But you have to accept that this was in his past, men see sex as just sex! If you can't put this sickening thought out of your head then it's best that you end your relationship with him. Personally I couldn't deal with it myself and finished with him.I wish sometimes men would be more sensitive about these issues and keep their past sex lives to themselves. They really don't have a clue how damaging it is to brag about their ex's and sex lives when they have a new girl.
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A
female
reader, ThePixie +, writes (10 July 2006):
 You say you have told him how you feel and how upset this makes you, but have you really sat down and explained how his makes you feel? It may be hard to sit there and say to him, but men can be pretty obtuse sometimes, if you don't spell it out he may not get how much this is bothering you.
On the other hand, I do think you need to work on your own self esteem alot more as this is the root of your problem. Relying on someone else to keep intact your self esteem is a dangerous situation. Rely on YOURSELF to make you feel good about yourself. Do things that make you feel good about yourself and remember that YOU are a worthwhile person. A woman in your own right. If you're going to be haunted by ghosts of your BF's past you'll be in for a miserable ride.
If at the end of the day you REALLY sit and talk with your man and he still doesn't take your feelings into account then I think there are pleanty of guys out there who will and he should know you will not be made to feel inferior. Give him a chance, but don't suffer in silence forever.
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