A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:this past valentines day was the first me and my boyfriend spent together, I was going to buy him something, but we talked about it ahead of time, and he said he didn't really subscribe to the idea of valentines day, and so i shouldn't expect a gift just because of the holiday, but that he would give me gifts spontaneously when the mood strikes... which is cool lol I like valentines day, so i asked if i could still get him a gift, he said sure.in the end, I decided to just make him a gift... didn't want to make him feel inadequate, because I had a sneaking suspicion that he might not have been able to afford a gift, tho he did give me more kisses than I can recall...it was sweet.so I was was happy.fast forward, not quite a month, the mother of his child's birthday is coming up, and I asked if he was going to give her something, he said yes, a card and some flowers. ok cool.some fyi: we don't celebrate each others' bdays, but maybe someday we will , aka no presents/cards exchanged btwn us and definitely no flowersanyway, I was feeling slightly bummed, hadn't got a chance to ponder why yet, and I asked him about mother's day, he said he's getting her a massage and a manicure, vouchers i assume. ok.... is it ok yet for me to be getting ruffled feathers over no valentines day, no bdays, etc cuz he said he doesnt do the holiday thing? I'm so happy he was so open about what his plans are, and I don't want him not to do those things for her, she's nice and a great mom, I just wonder if it's ok for me to insist on valentines day/my bday next time... (well, next-next time on my bday, since i didn't do anything for his bday cuz he said no holidays...maybe that's how this all started...perhaps i misunderstood.)
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (12 March 2013):
 He gets her flowers for her birthday but none for you? He buys her a massage and a manicure for mother’s day but nothing for you on Valentine’s day? Did he do Valentine’s day with her when they were a couple? (ASK HER IF YOU CAN)
Something is not right here OP. I would not be with a man who got a massage and a manicure for a woman he is no longer with…. Umm NO. and flowers on her birthday and none for you?
He wants her back… or else he’s buying her so he can see his child (which is not needed if he instead spends his money on a decent attorney)
I do not think you will be with him for next Valentine’s day.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2013): This sounds so wrong. He gets his ex gifts and not you...That's not right. Why does he feel the need to get his ex gifts? Have you asked him? I understand she is the mother of his kid but they're not together anymore. They've moved on, supposedly, correct? The only thing he should be giving her is money and child support to better take care of their child. Not massages and flowers. Not only that but he is lying to you. He says he doesn't do holidays so why is he putting the effort to spoil his ex in celebration of the very holidays that he claims he doesn't celebrate? And to top it off, it is at the expense of getting you nothing. You're the one dating him, not his ex. Honey, he is lying to you. Giving a woman gifts is an investment men put in for women they love. An investment he is putting in for his ex and not for you. He is putting effort to impress her and no effort to impress you. This has nothing to do with their child.I hate to break it to you, but I don't think this guy is too invested in his relationship with you. And it is just a hunch, but he may just be rebounding with you, in the hopes that he can get this woman back in his life.
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A
female
reader, ihavetoomanythoughts  +, writes (11 March 2013):
 No gifts on Valentine's day is understandable if he doesn't agree with the consumerist ways of the day. At least he was sort of compromising with you (who likes Valentines) by giving you more affection.It is possible that he gives gifts to his ex because she has made it clear to him that she wants gifts and she IS the mother of his child, so she isn't a normal ex. Seeing as how you easily accepted the no gifts policy, he might think you don't care about gifts as well.Or it really could be that he's a reciprocating kind of person and because you didn't get him anything, he didn't get you anything.What you should do is talk with him. Ask him if he wants gifts on birthdays. If he says no but you would still like a gift, tell him. If he says no, then it's a bit strange that his ex girlfriend gets gifts while his current girlfriend doesn't, so that's some food for thought.
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A
female
reader, chick989  +, writes (11 March 2013):
I would seriously get rid of him now....he's treating you like absolute shit!!I don't get guys that don't want to celebrate valentines when they see mothers day as a big deal.a card and a teddy would have been fine rom the child but massages and manicures???????? that's OTTdoes he ever treat you to having your hair/nails done?if my boyf didn't want to even get me a card on my birthday i'd be heartbroken as even if he doesn't have money a card is a nice thought but then to get her everything that's taking the piss!!!i feel so sorry for you, if i were you i'd be feeling low and worthless right now.you deserve far more!!!
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