A
female
age
,
*yndora
writes:Okay, so I told my boyfriend of 5 years that I wanted a break. He just didn't seem that into me. We are both 48 and he just wasn't popping the question. He kept saying when the house is finished that he is building, he'll figure the rest of the relationship out. So, now, since I said I wanted a break, he has been trying his hardest to make it all work. Bringing me flowers, turning the t.v. off, calling me unexpectedly, etc. He's cried and says that he now knows he hurt me by dragging it on so long. He wants a second chance. But, here is the hard part. I'm bitter and can't help feeling like "where have you been all this time?" He goes to kiss me more passionately, but I feel practically nothing. I also feel like, how long is this new and improved boyfriend going to last? I'm frustrated, because when I decided to have a break, I started closing the door completely. Now my heart is torn into millions of pieces and I don't know if I can see him or not see him. Has anyone else been in this situation? I hate limbo land. Thanks for any help!
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female
reader, Lyndora +, writes (5 October 2009):
Lyndora is verified as being by the original poster of the questionBoth of you have excellent answers... I should add to my original question the following: My boyfriend has had an almost non-existent sex drive for the past 5 years. We rarely, if ever had sex. Maybe 4 times a year! One of the problems was that he kept delaying getting a vasectomy until "the house was finished". Now since I said I had wanted a break, he agreed to get a vasectomy to add more sex to our relationship. I'm angry because I asked him to get one for 5 years. He's all but killed my sex drive! Now that he is going to get a vasectomy I'm just supposed to find the "on" button? To make it even more complicated, I am VERY attracted to someone I work with. Nothing is going to happen because he is married. I won't go there! But, the attraction is phenomenal. Then I look at my boyfriend and all the angst he's put me through and I just don't feel anything sexually. I'm 48 and sex shouldn't be that big of an issue, but it is. Do I lose a guy who's finally trying to make things work, or do I just go back on the hunt? I'm FRUSTRATED!!!
A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (30 September 2009):
 Well, girlfriend, you've got to give the guy credit. You gave him a reality check and he responded and QUICK. It could be that he was just getting into a lazy zone, started taking you for granted and forgetting why you were so phenomenal and the woman he wanted to be with. So when you finally were like, "listen - this sucks. You've been putting me on the back burner and I'm not waiting along any longer.", suddenly reality hit him and he realized that he had been doing you wrong.
And so, unlike sleaze bags, he started taking direction and working to get you back. Now you didn't mention anything else, like that he had treated you poorly or abusively in the past - just that he was neglecting you. And if he was treating you disrespectfully or creep-like, then my advice will make a turn around. But if he was simply negligent, then I would say he's doing a pretty good job of getting back into the swing of things.
You are right to be cautious. And definitely right about wondering how long it will last. But, if he's over all been good to you and makes you happy (when he's not making you feel bitter), then he deserves a second chance. Three strikes, though... and you know what happens.
Think about it long and hard, and feel out if it is genuine or a bunch of BS. Does he just not want to be alone, or does he really want YOU? If it feels genuine, break down your barrier a bit and let him in a little closer.
Good luck, sweetness!!
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A
male
reader, called Steve  +, writes (30 September 2009):
 Yes I've been there - I feel like I'm there now...
I married and the situation id different but we both need to make a crucial decision - talking helps!
Talk to loads of people and from all that information you will take from it little key's and there will be your path!
But I think you already know it - he's been taking you for granted, big time... we all change when needed!!!
Steve
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