A
male
age
41-50,
*ripp
writes:My wife and I have been married for 3yrs. we have 1loving daughter together but she has no sex drive and never initiate sex I always initiate and when we have sex she just lay there she gets into it but we only do it like 8 times a year if that and when I talk to her she always cut me off or ask me the same question over again because she never pay attention to me whenever she initiate she always plan it outand it never fails right before we start she passes gas really loud and starts talking about her bowel movements we talked and talked now I'm tired of talking its like were strangers she can't look me in the eye when talking always cover upher body when she's naked only thing she talks about is having gas or our baby I want out I'm miserable I think she is to she does a lot for me but there's no passion or romance I want to stay with my daughter but it feels like we're married for convenience if I try talking she just pretends everything is ok what should I do.
View related questions:
sex drive Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (27 June 2012):
 "I don't read many suggestions on here that the wives should make things easier for their men by taking on some of their work and easing their load!"
Maybe because the vast majority of women work too?
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (26 June 2012):
 “when we have sex she just lay (sic) there”
What are you doing to get her to NOT just lay there? Do you pleasure her? Or is this about her laying there and letting you stick it in and have your orgasm?
You have a YOUNG child at home… she spent 9 months preparing to birth this child. Pregnancy and childbirth are very hard on a woman both physically and emotionally and perhaps she’s not totally recovered from that experience.
Sex 8 times a year is a bit over once every six weeks… and while that is a bit long with a young family, jobs, a home etc it’s sadly not always that unrealistic. I too agree that sex 8 times a week except in the very early stages of a relationship is a bit much.
We go in spurts as to how often we have sex… some weeks it’s 3 times a week…some weeks it’s zero.
I think THAT is more normal for long term couples especially those with small children…
“always cover (sic) upher (sic) body when she’s naked” THAT tells me that she’s NOT happy with her body…. More than likely she feels fat and unattractive and undesirable. DO you tell her you love her and her body and desire her or is this just about you having a sexual release? Do you want SEX with anyone or do you want to make love to your WIFE? There is a difference.
And read what Person12345 said… she is as usual spot on!
...............................
A
male
reader, Hugh.J  +, writes (26 June 2012):
 It seems to slip by unnoticed that men go out to work and usually in very stressful jobs; I don't read many suggestions on here that the wives should make things easier for their men by taking on some of their work and easing their load!As for feeling sexy, men like to be loved and appreciated too?
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2012): 8 times a year for some people is good enough especially if there is a baby in a family . Not everyone are so into sex to have it 8 times a week. In my eyes it's way too excessive. When we were very young we used to do it 3-4 times a week, but then when baby came it came down to one time a week, sometimes not even, as I was always tired with her. Now when we are older we do it whenever it happens, when we feel like it.
...............................
A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (25 June 2012):
I notice you talk a lot about how infrequent the sex is, about how it affects you, but you don't mention what you do to make sex better for her. This should be obvious, but if sex was fun for her she'd want to do it. If it's not, then it will fall to a low priority. The number one reason for a low sex drive on the woman's end is that she's not satisfied. This doesn't just mean orgasms every time, reliably, but also that they are easy (meaning it doesn't take an hour of constant stimulation and trying to get there) and that she feels wanted.
I'm guessing she's also a) feeling tired from the baby and b) feeling insecure about her body post-baby. Here's what you should try:
1. Make her feel like the sexiest woman in the world.
2. Lessen her childcare load. I don't know what it's like in your household, but in general men do 3x LESS childcare than women and tend to stick to fun childcare (outings, learning, etc...). So try picking up some of the unpleasant work and see if that helps.
3. If she doesn't orgasm quickly from oral sex or fingers, consider getting a vibrator. Pick it out together and use it on her. See if that helps. Don't forget women have very few nerve endings in their vaginas, so without other stimulation it can feel like nothing. Imagine how low your sex drive would be if sex was basically lying there getting poked?
...............................
A
male
reader, Serpico +, writes (25 June 2012):
For starters, eight times a year is low, for just about anyone. Ive been w my fiancee five years and eight times a week sounds a bit more like it.
Second, the passing gas thing seems to be all about her finding a way out of it. For whatever reason, the two of you dont seem sexually compatible, and that is a huge problem when talking about a married couple.
You need to speak about this to her and let her know your needs. If it doesnt change, then you may have some thinking to do. Speaking of thinking - just one question - how did you not know this about her PRIOR to marriage? Seems like a pretty big thing to play off the cuff on.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2012): The relationship is making you unhappy - so either leave or confront your wife and suggest counselling.
There are reasons a womans sex drive maybe low, so she could get medically checked out for hormone levels etc.
The passing gas thing is not attractive though - it sounds like a relationship that is based on companionship..... which is fine if thats what you require, but it sounds like you dont.
...............................
|
