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My supervisor flirted with me, but when I asked him out...

Tagged as: Age differences, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (3 April 2011) 1 Answers - (Newest, 3 April 2011)
A female United States age 41-50, anonymous writes:

I am an intern at this office. I am there until May. My supervisor is ten years older then me which I really like. I started developing a crush on him in the fall. I was in his office with him going over a mid semester evaluation this fall and as I was sitting there his phone rang and I stayed and while he was on his phone my stomach growled. I thought he hadn't heard it but he reached behind him and handed me an apple. Then the next day he passed the office where I am assigned and as I glanced up he tossed me another apple. We went out sailing that day with four other men from the office. He asked me if I was cold and offered me his sweatshirt.

He told me another time when we were sitting next to each other he could feel all the muscle in my arm. At some points my leg was pressed up against his and neither one of us was moving. It was a tight space. Another time we were sitting across from each other and taking turns steering. He reached over and clasped my knee and told me I was up next.

Then the following week he mentioned some meetings he was having in my town and that he could let me know when and if I was around we could meet up. I told him I would be and just to call me. I found out later the office never has meetings in my town. It's totally out of the way.

Then later on I was in his car with him riding with him to get my office pass renewed and on the way back he had this woman on speaker phone. I thought it was his girlfriend the way they were talking. I started getting sad. Then he hung up with her and turned to me and was like, "That was my sister...."

After I returned to the office after the holidays he noticed a new haircut and mentioned to me and was like, "Your hair looks really good. I really like that style and cut on you. It looks so good on you." In this same conversation he said, "I am flexible. I want to do whatever works for you....dinner, drinks..." ------it just seems like we could have discussed work stuff at the office.

He has also complimented my clothes. He noticed a blue scarf I was wearing that I got in Spain. He was like, "Where is that scarf? (when I told him Spain) he was like, "Of course. I was looking at it and thinking that's either Spain or Portugal. "

Another time we were out to lunch with a bunch of other colleagues and they were asking me what books I was reading. When I answered I liked John Grisham I noticed he was listening. Then when he was asked he mentioned this other book he was reading but then made a point to say he liked John Grisham and had just read the same one I had read. Then he made a point to mention he wasn't slamming John Grisham but he found John Grisham fun but easy reading. It was like he didn't want to insult me.

Another time I had asked him to write me a recommendation letter and he asked me at one point if there was anything negative in my past that someone was going to find out about because he wanted to address it in his letter as something isolated that didn't affect my abilities. I've never had a recommender do that for me. He also showed me a copy of the recommendation letter and he didn't mention the thing.

His schedule is incredibly impossible. He has to travel so much. I decided to take the initiative and ask him out. I asked him to meet my friends and me for drinks. He was like, "Sure absolutely....just let me know when and where." but before I could he had to travel out of town for work.

Is he interested and should I try to ask him out again or wait until I'm done interning there? I just don't know what to think. He has become more casual and hasn't suggested we go out again. I'm confused.

View related questions: crush, flirt, muscle

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A female reader, Dorothy Dix Australia +, writes (3 April 2011):

Hi there. Just play it by ear. Go with the flow but don't try to push it.

It's probably not a good idea to ask him out, so enjoy the friendship and keep it light.

He at least thinks of you as a friend.

Because of his work schedule, it would be very difficult to sustain a relationship with him because of his absences.

You would end up resenting him.

Do you know if he's married?

If he's not, well then he might be wary of relationships because of the time he travels with his work. It would be very inconvenient and lonely for both of you.

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