A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I really need some help. My sister moved out of our house almost a month ago. She is 16. She now lives with her best friend and her friends parents. A few days ago, my sister met with my parents and got into a huge fight. The reason for this was that my parents have no way to contact her. She broke her cellphone. My parents refuse to sign for another cellphone (you have to be 18 to to sign) until she comes home, or until she shows signs of wanting to reconcile. (She doesnt)The parents of the best friend my sister is staying with then took it upon themselves to call my mother, and tell her off for not signing her daughters cell phone contract, as well as tell her off in general for her parenting style. They informed my mother it is causing them issues, because now they cant reach my sister when she is out partying with no phone and they worry about her. They are acting like my sister is their daughter. They have fully and totally taken her in. It is actually scary to watch because the longer my sister stays with them, the more she is acting like they are her parents too.My parents are furious and horribly hurt, and I dont know what to do. My sister no longer talks to me, even though we were so close. Its like living with this family has turned her into a different person. What right do they have to call up my mother and tell her off? Its not their KID. They have made no other effort to tell us how my sister is doing. They dont even know where she is, when I call them. (Oh, she is out with friends somewhere) How do I deal with this? Is there anything I can do?My parents are not these horrible people, that they deserve this from their child. [Moderator addendum: the flag should be Canadian, in case any aunts have advice based on the country's family support resources.]
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female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (4 August 2012):
 You're very welcome.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2012): OP your sister is just being a spoiled bitch and you know it. She has your parents wrapped around her little finger and I have a feeling they might cave on this too.
All I can say to you is to support your parents and help them be strong. I have no idea why they think they have to change the way they parent just to suit her, you turned out okay didn't you? She's intentionally trying to mess with your parents heads.
OP your parents should not take shit nor listen to those other fuckers, you're right it's none of their business. If they're so worried about her having a phone they'll buy her one, your parents are trying to enforce some discipline and those other pricks are undermining that by taking the side of a manipulative little bitch that wants to go out partying all the time? Fuck that. If she wants the freedom to party then she'll have to fund all that herself and see what it truly costs to go wild.
OP I know she's your sister but sentimentality is going to get you nowhere here, she's counting on that very feeling to be able to do what she wants and know she can get away with it.
You're in a tough position but honestly it's best if you just support your parents and give it a bit of time. This issue is between your parents and your sister, OP she's always going to be a stubborn, wilful and melodramatic ass, do not feed that and tell your parents to cut her off. They've made their conditions clear, they've tried and all they're doing by still trying is feeding into her shitty little powerplay. Cut her off for a while, no contact let the other parents see how much fun it is to raise her, lets see how long it takes for them to get sick of the situation and she'll come crawling back.
Tell your parents not to pay a single penny to her for any luxury item at all. No clothes, no phone, no pocket money, nothing at all, you know that in most places in Canada 16 year olds can legally live independently right? I'd consider this legally independent wouldn't you? They probably don't have to pay shit to her. Also depending on where you live the age of majority is either 18 or 19 and those other parents can't say shit to yours because they have no legal rights and neither does your brat sister. OP your sister is never going to learn anything if your parents cave on this, they will feel like shit, they will feel they're doing a shit job, it will break their heart but the only way your sister will learn is through them being strong with this and not letting her have her way.
Above all OP remember she's 16, she's not a child anymore. She has to start learning responsibility for her actions and that there are consequences to them, let her learn the hard way. It's up to her to learn this lesson and if she doesn't screw her, it's her life and she's nearly an adult.
Your sister thinks she holds all the cards here, her friends parents think they're doing right by her and have a say too. But your parents are the ones in control here, they're the ones with the say and they'd be best served giving your sister and those parents a nice taste of the situation they find themselves in by cutting her off financially, let them see how they like paying for another child and let her see what it's like to another set of parents very quickly realize what a little shit she is.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (4 August 2012):
 Can the other people be charged with kidnapping? Just a thought.
Suggest to your parents they write a letter to the other parents. Sometime along the lines of please return our child within seven days. If our child is not returned we will seek legal advise with regard to removing her from our health insurance, life insurance, will, we will no longer be responsbile for any financial costs incurred, including school fees, clothing, cell phones and any of her belonging not collected from our property will be donated to charity.
Your sister is being a bitch. Plain and simple and she needs a wake up call.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2012): I am the poster of this question. Iamheretohelp you, I disagree with your response. In fact, I was indeed there when all of this went down. My sister is milking this for all its worth. My sister is definitely not alone. My parents have apologized to her many,many times and told them they would change how they parent and work with her.
She just uses them for money. And these parents went entirely over the boundaries by calling mine. I dont care what my sister told them...she's 16. If theyre going to believe her, and tell other people off, they have some growing up to do themselves.
Thankyou Ciar for your response. I hope that comes true, she does come back.
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A
female
reader, Ciar +, writes (4 August 2012):
I'll tell you what is going to happen here.
Eventually the honeymoon will be over and this friend's parents won't be so enamoured of your sister nor she of them. There will be a nasty falling out and your sister will come crawling back home. She'll claim to have been brainwashed by them and they'll claim to have been hoodwinked by her. She'll also lose that friend in the process.
Are these people younger than your parents or farther down the socio/economic food chain? Nevermind. Not important.
Anyway, you don't have to do anything, but bide your time and wait for my prediction to come to fruition. It may take a few months, possibly even a bit longer, but it will happen. I've seen it several times. In fact a friend of mine recently made the same mistake despite being warned. She took in some kid she thought needed help, spent money on him and everything. It blew up in her face.
Be patient and relax. Live your life. Everything will work out.
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